


Trust Me

by Prince_Hel



Series: ‘Trust Me’ Universe [1]
Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: (it wouldn't be me without the fluff), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Fluff and Mystery and Angst, Happy Ending, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-06-10 09:11:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 83,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6950029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prince_Hel/pseuds/Prince_Hel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Psychiatrist/Patient AU] Therese Belivet was starting her residency to become a psychiatrist, but during her first day at the hospital, she met a woman that would make her question all the things she knew about this world since not everything was what it appeared to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> • For all the awesome people that has been pestering me about writing more... you know who you are, lol, just kidding, you are not pestering me at all. I really appreciate your support and kind words about my writing, it means a lot to me.  
> • And for Em. You won't see this but you already know how grateful I am for you help, if it weren't for you, this wouldn't be possible.

Her eyes were already open when the alarm of her cell phone went off. She wasn’t sure how much she had slept but she had the feeling that claiming it was about three hours was wishful thinking. Not even the fact that that has been her life for over the past five years [and still counting], so she was pretty much used to it by now, could avoid the stinging feeling of her eyes caused by the lack of sleep. She didn’t move from her position on the bed, burying her face in her pillows, but she stretched her arm out to reach for her cell phone and her eyes narrowed after she touched the screen and was hit by the insufferable brightness in the dark of her room. There was still time, she could even spend one more hour in bed doing nothing, she had set the alarm two hours earlier than needed after all, yet she rolled over in the bed to get up after leaving her cell phone back on the nightstand.

It was an important day and she wasn’t going to start it in a hurry. After years of wearing herself down, of not sleeping at all many nights, and even forgetting to eat anything because she had to study hard to keep her grades high so she wouldn’t drop out of medical school, she was finally starting her residency to become a psychiatrist. It had been an exhausting but oh so worthy ride so far.

She headed towards the bathroom, rubbing her eyes and dragging her feet. She had traced a plan to follow in her head the previous day: a nice shower, dressing up, breakfast and driving to the hospital. She had checked the map of the city before going to bed since the last thing she needed was getting lost. Hell, she had even chosen the clothes she's going to wear today. It wasn’t like she had many options since some of her boxes still hadn’t arrived but she was doing everything to stop stressing herself more than usual.

While she was waiting for the water to heat up, she looked at her reflection in the mirror. It was intriguing how her expression was almost dull [although she was sure that it had to do with the fact that she had just woken up] but her eyes were shining with excitement. After brushing her teeth, she stepped into the shower, sighing with delight when the water hit her back, relaxing her muscles. Yes, this was a better way to waste her time rather than losing it lying in bed.

 

* * *

  

Even after spending almost forty-five minutes in the shower, she arrived at the hospital with fifteen minutes ahead but she didn’t want to seem so eager so she stayed in her car, observing the facilities. The “Niagara Falls Psychiatric Center” was the number 2 in a list of the top 3 Mental Hospitals in New York City and by looking at it just from the outside, she started to understand why. Of course she had seen pictures of the place before on the internet but they weren’t able to do it justice. The way she saw it, most people still tended to link mental hospitals with gates and bars and the usual jail-like look. Here though, starting from the very entrance, all the well- known stereotypes about these hospitals were shattered; the discreet placement of the security booth with its respective entry and exit could make anyone believe they were entering a government building instead of a hospital, and even though it was obvious that stonewalls were still used to mark the property line, the scenery was a nice distraction from that fact. During the beeline from the entrance to the fountain roundabout that would take her to the parking lot, she drove slowly to be able to admire the beautiful garden surrounding the facility filled with trees and bushes, some benches and even flower beds; she could see people taking a walk around, as well as lonely patients wandering off and even some patients accompanied by [what she imagined] family or close friends, with the guards keeping an eye on them. The off-white, three floored, H-shaped building was the only thing that made it clear that this was a psychiatric center. But she was pleased with the trustworthy vibe of the place in its whole.

When it was finally time, she stepped out of her car after taking her satchel and adjusted the strap that was crossing over her chest. As she walked to the main entrance she took a deep breathe, trying to calm her racing heart. She was nervous but thrilled. _‘This is it,’_ she thought when the automatic door opened before her, _‘time to start the next chapter of your life.’_

 

* * *

 

It took a huge effort to not look around once she was inside and in order to stop herself from doing so, because she didn’t want to seem like some tourist that was appreciating a historical place, she focused her attention on the blonde woman with red highlights who was sitting at the reception. She was about her age, perhaps a few years older, but her hairstyle made her appear much younger; and since the woman was busy typing on the computer, she decided to wait, resting one of her arms over the reception desk and observing the interior without being too obvious.

“Good morning, how can I help you?”

It took her a moment to realize that she was addressing her, because for a brief moment, she stupidly thought that she might have been having a video conference.

“I’m Therese Belivet, Dr. Tucker is waiting for me.”

“Oh! You are the new doctor,” she finally drifted her eyes from the computer to look at the new staff member.

“Uhm, not really… I mean, I’m not a doctor yet.”

“Technicalities,” she shrugged, making Therese smile softly. “Yeah, Dr. Tucker told me he was waiting for you, let me call him to notify him of your arrival.”

Therese nodded while the other woman made the call, and she took advantage of her distraction to have a better look around.

“He will be here in a moment,” she heard after a few seconds and she turned her head towards the girl. “I’m Genevieve Cantrell by the way, and as you can see I’m the receptionist here.”

“Nice to meet you,” both girls stretched her arms at the same time to shake hands. “I don’t know how to feel about the fact that it’s not necessary to tell you who I am and why I’m here since you seem to know so much about me already,” she said jokingly.

Genevieve raised her hands in surrender. “It’s not my fault, Dr. Tucker is somewhat fascinated with you.”

Before she even had the chance to ask, she heard someone saying her name, forcing her to turn around to look at the tall man making his way towards her and she took a few steps to meet him halfway. “Therese Belivet! It’s an honor to have you here,” he reached for her hand anticipating her movement and while he shook it, he put his other hand over hers.

She really wanted to ask about his so-called fascination but she decided that was a question for another day and perhaps for another circumstances. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you in person, Dr. Tucker,” she smiled politely, trying to hide her discomfort at the fact that her hand still hadn’t been released. But as if he could read her mind, he finally let go of her and she had to bite the inside of her cheek to avoid a sigh of relief.

“Shall we start? It’s a big facility after all.”

“Absolutely.”

They were about to get going when Therese felt piercing eyes on her back so she turned around to see Genevieve smiling at her mockingly. “It was like seeing a fan finally meeting their idol,” she whispered just audible enough so the brunette could hear it clearly.

Therese suddenly felt herself blushing and in an attempt to hide it from the other woman, she bowed her head a little so her her hair could fall over one side of her face. When she started following Dr. Tucker’s steps, she heard Genevieve’s twinkling laugh, letting her know that her attempt had been in vain.

 

* * *

  

The first stop was in the Staff Lockers Room and after receiving the key to her assigned locker, Therese left her satchel in it and took her brand new white coat out. Looking at her reflection in the mirror, she put the coat on and she ran her hands over its lapels even though there wasn’t a single wrinkle to be seen. It was an odd sensation, to be so close to fulfilling her dream and at the same time being so far from it because this was only the start of a very long road. But at least she had the opportunity of making it come true. Snapping out of her thoughts, she tied her hair up in a ponytail, rushing to leave the room since Dr. Tucker was waiting for her outside and she smiled apologetically at him when her eyes met his.

“I apologize for what happened earlier at the reception,” he said when they continued with the tour, making Therese wonder how he had caught Genevieve’s comment.

“Oh, you don’t have anything to apologize for. It’s just... it feels like I’m being treated like a kind of a celebrity and I don’t understand why.”

“Are you kidding? You came on top of your class and your name is circulating around even the most prestigious psychiatric circles thanks to your submitted paper on the defense against the prejudices about depression and anxiety, and besides, being the person with the highest grades in Psychiatry in the NYU School of Medicine helps too. It’s really an honor that you have decided to spend your residency here instead of there. Can I ask you why is that?”

Therese could feel herself blushing once again and she cursed internally. She was totally not used to people praising her like that. “I just needed a change of air, I think.” And that was the complete truth. There was no other explanation, one day she had come to the conclusion that she didn’t want to be in the city anymore. And yes, she had changed one city for another, but the Center’s location made it somewhat isolated and that was the very reason why she had chosen it. “And the rest is the result of hard work and no social life,” she shrugged, trying to downplay it.

“I don’t think so, there’s potential in you, Dr. Belivet,” before she had the chance to say anything about it, he kept talking. “You have to get used to it, staff and patients are going to refer to you as a doctor.” Therese nodded, for he was right.

He decided to start out on the top floor and so they made their way in relative silence, Dr. Tucker only explaining the most necessary when they arrived to each new area. However it wasn’t really that needed since she could see a signboard indicating what could be found where on every floor when the elevator opened its doors. Now, after what she thought had been an hour and a half [it was indeed a big facility], they were on the first floor and Therese was looking around curiously. She saw some patients interacting with their doctors but when they got closer to the rooms, their attention was pulled away quickly to observe her and Dr. Tucker passing by. One of them even waved at her, making her smile softly while she waved back.

“And this is the Day Room of this floor.”

She popped her head through the doorway before walking in. It wasn’t different from the ones on all the other floors, she realized after having a proper look at the couches, the tables surrounded by comfortable chairs and the television that was showing a black and white movie that she had never seen. But for some reason her attention was drawn to this room more than any other and she saw her sitting in the window ledge, with one leg stretched over it and the other under her. Therese couldn’t tear her gaze away once her eyes focused on her. She was awestruck at how the simplest sight of a woman wearing a black hoodie, with the hood barely on so she could see her blond curls, and dark grey loose sweatpants could appear to be so alluring and elegant to her eyes. The blonde stood out without even proposing it and it wasn’t due to the sunlight coming through the window.

Therese felt as if some kind of bubble was materializing around her and this mystery woman. She recognized there were more people in the room, she could even bet that someone was talking to her, Dr. Tucker probably, but everything was moving in slow motion and the noise had become so dull and meaningless as if she was wearing a diving helmet since the only thing she could hear was her own breathing, _‘or perhaps it was hers’_ , she thought as she was fully aware of how silly she was acting. But she simply couldn’t detach herself from the connection she was feeling, not that she wanted to.

She didn’t know for how long she had been staring but she noticed the woman's frown very clearly although she could only see her profile, and not even when she turned her head towards her Therese thought of looking away from her. When their eyes met, Therese felt a shiver running down her spine and not only because they were the most breathtaking pair of eyes she had ever seen, but also because of the message she could read in them. A very clear, a very obvious _‘help me.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are here, I must have done something right. So, yes or no? :P


	2. Chapter 2

 

Several times Therese had been told that it’s a necessity to have a strong mentality when starting her residency because there was a huge difference between reading about some cases and being in charge of them, and no amount of studying could prepare her for it. The first and most important thing she was taught, however, was that she must not, under absolutely no circumstances, can get personally involved while treating a patient. Now, she didn’t even spend two hours in the Niagara Falls Psychiatric Center and she has the feeling that she had already failed on both departments. Only because she had seen vulnerability in those eyes it didn’t mean the woman was truly making a call for help, and Therese was starting to believe that she had imagined the whole thing since those very eyes were now looking at her with complete indifference. Still, she couldn’t get rid of the odd sensation that there was something off with the woman.

She was now more aware of her surroundings and she could distinguish Dr. Tucker’s voice with clarity, but it wasn’t until he said her name that she could finally bring herself to answer. “Yeah?,” _way to go Therese, pretend nothing happened when you clearly zoned out and not even for a little while._

“Are you alright?,” it was so easy to notice the interest and curiosity in his voice, but there was no trace of concern and Therese wondered if that was the result of the long years spent in this profession.

“Yes, I’m fine, I-”

“It can be too much, I understand that,” he hurried to interrupt her.

Therese looked at him then, she truly looked at him properly for the first time. His childlike face, his short dark hair with an overuse of gel, the glasses that rested on the tip of his nose and the inquisitive brown eyes that were looking her over the rim. Instinctively, she knew that she had to give him the reason. “Right… but I’m fine, really.”

“I trust your word,” he said with an amused smile. But when he got no answer, he realized that the young woman had turned her attention to one of his patients once again. “Do you know her?”

“What? No, not at all.” Therese grimaced discreetly when her neck complained a bit after she had turned her head to him abruptly but she didn’t want to be interrogated any further.

“Well, let’s change that.”

Before she had a chance to say a single word of objection, Dr. Tucker was already making a gesture with his hand, indicating to the woman to approach them. Therese looked with rapt attention how she stood up slowly, with an elegance that was captivating and that her walking also shared.

“Hi Carol, how are you today?”

There was silence after the question, a silence that for Therese, who was under the scrutiny of those [now it was possible for her to see that they were the most beautiful shade of grey] eyes, felt like an eternity until the woman- Carol, started to turn her head towards the man, but her eyes remained locked with hers until the last moment.

“I’m okay,” she replied in a bored tone while shrugging one of her delicate shoulders.

“I’m glad. I want to introduce you someone. This is Therese Belivet,” she could see by the corner of her eye that he was gesturing to her with his hand but her focus remained strictly on Carol. “She’s a new doctor.”

“I can see that,” her eyes were back on Therese, who could feel herself blushing at the intensity of her gaze.

“Dr. Belivet, this is Carol Ai-,” he was interrupted by a growl that made Therese jump at the suddenness of it. “I’m sorry, Carol Ross.”

Therese's curiosity was peculiarly spiked by that reaction, although it was very easy to suggest that the woman was divorced or at the very least separated and that they weren’t in the best terms with her ex according to the noise she’d made. “Nice to meet you, Carol.”

The blonde tilted her head slightly, making the hood fall more over her face and Therese was surprised when she pushed it off her head completely allowing her to admire the slightly curly blonde locks, and the young doctor was beginning to wonder if it was possible that this woman was a creature from another world because it was impossible to maintain your hair intact after having something covering it. She didn’t reciprocate the polite comment, but she nodded and Therese took that gesture as a sign that Carol wasn’t annoyed to have met her for what she smiled a little.

Dr. Tucker was observing them as if he was watching a tennis match, his eyes straying from one to the other with curiosity at the intriguing dynamic transpiring between the two women. It wasn’t ordinary at all that Carol truly engaged with someone, especially with someone she’d just met, and his mind raced as he tried to understand the meaning of it, then reached the most obvious conclusion. “I think it would be the most beneficial for you if Dr. Belivet also took part in your treatment,” he said, fixing his eyes on Carol even though she wasn’t looking at him.

“What?” Therese really wished for the earth would open and swallow her whole when the two pair of eyes focused on her, and she loathed herself for not being able to keep her mouth shut but she had been completely taken by surprise.

Not even in her most hopeful thoughts she imagined that something like this would happen on her first day. She didn’t expect anything beyond getting accustomed with the facility, a talk with Dr. Tucker to know how her week would progress and perhaps starting to get along with her coworkers. In her opinion, her shock was a pretty normal reaction. But instead of getting an answer, Dr. Tucker lifted his hand in a ‘ _hold on’_ gesture and he turned to look at Carol once again.

“Would you be okay with that?”

Therese started playing with her hands, trying to not look as anxious as she felt when Carol didn’t answer immediately. Not that Therese could blame her, who would want the rookie ‘doctor’ messing with their lives after all? Sighing, she looked down at her hands, placing the tip of her thumbnail under the other then made a gentle movement upwards, as if she were taking off a lid. The wait was overwhelming and she felt like all of her senses were on complete overload. The sound coming out of the TV, the people talking around them, a chair’s legs scratching against the floor as someone abruptly stood up. She could percept everything except the sound she really wanted to hear, though she was dreading the answer.

Carol cleared her throat and used three fingers to brush back a lock of hair, an action that Therese caught by the corner of her eye and so she lifted her head.  “Of course. If you think it is the best for me.”

“Excellent!,” he clapped his hands with satisfaction. “I do believe it will help you, I wouldn’t suggest it otherwise.”

It was a good thing they weren’t looking at her, Therese thought, because she was certain that her expression resembled a fish out of water, gasping for air even when she wasn’t having any trouble with breathing.

“Alright, we have to go now. I’m going to discuss it with Dr. Belivet first, and I will see you later and we will talk about it too,“ he put his hand on Carol’s arm, squeezing gently in a friendly gesture, then turned towards Therese signalling that it was time for them to leave.

Before making her way out of the room, she couldn’t help sparing one more glance at Carol,  who was looking back at her and though her expression didn’t give it away, Therese could feel the amused vibe coming from her. “Until next time, Dr. Belivet.”

The short, whispered sentence rendered Therese speechless and she felt her blush creeping up her cheeks again. She couldn’t possible stay indifferent to that low and husky voice that conveyed so many different emotions. She couldn’t possible stay indifferent to this mysterious woman who seemed to have put a spell on her. _Oh, so much for not getting personally involved._ When she reached the doorway, she risked another glance over her shoulder. Carol had gone back to sit on the window ledge but this time there was a soft, small smile playing on her lips which made Therese feel a warmth sensation enveloping her.

 

* * *

 

“Are you sure this is the… most appropriate course of action?”

They went straight to Dr. Tucker’s office but Therese felt so excited that she didn't feel the desire to look around this time even though she was walking from one side to another. Her gaze was completely focused on the carpet and her thoughts on Carol.

“Why shouldn’t be? Carol agreed to it and I don’t think you are going to complain about it, are you?”

“This is not about me complaining, I’m not…,” she pursed her lips when she stopped talking. She also stopped strolling around, standing behind one of the chairs that were placed in front of his desk. Her hands were resting on the backrest and she bowed her head, attempting to organize her fuzzy thoughts.

“Therese, sit down,” she looked up at him but otherwise remained perfectly still. “Please,” his eyes followed her every moment, waiting until she was comfortable to continue. “It’s very easy to doubt yourself, thinking that you are not ready, that you don’t have the experience, that you might make a mistake. I get it. You barely left the nest so I don’t want to scare you but I have spent several years working here and there are days when even I think it’s too much,” both chuckled at the confession, although the noise she made sounded more like a faltering whimper. “But Therese, you're just taking your first steps in this world, it’s obvious that you don’t have the practical experience and you will never have it if you don’t start to mingle in it.”

Therese lowered her eyes to the desk for a moment, as if she was digesting his words. “I just- I don’t want to screw up anything with her treatment.”

“You shall not worry about that. I’m going to be right behind you, not literally though,” he smiled reassuringly. “I’m going to check up on how Carol reacts to you. Yes, you are going to spend most of the time interacting with her but you will bring me reports from time to time and obviously, first you will have to discuss with me about any change you consider appropriate for her treatment. However, I don’t think that will happen since she’s under a treatment that has been working fine for her,” he stood up, walking to the black file cabinet and opening the top drawer.

“How long has she been here?,” she whispered, as if she was afraid to hear the answer for some reason.

Therese could hear Dr. Tucker sighing deeply, stopping for a moment from whatever he was searching for to adjust his glasses and then he continued his task. After a long and awkward silence, she writhed in her chair, thinking she wouldn’t get any answer as she observed him walking back to his desk with a folder in his hand.

“For a little over three years,” he finally answered while he sat down again.

“Three years?,” she didn’t even try to mask the incredulity she was feeling in her tone. She knew full well about serious cases where that amount of time was totally understandable, even cases where the patient would spend the rest of their life in the hospital. But it didn’t seem to make sense in Carol’s case at all. She was on the first floor for a reason, after all, Dr. Tucker had explained her during their tour that the hospital’s floors were divided in a way of ranking the patients, being the third floor where the most threatening could be found.

“You will understand. Which brings me to this,” he put the folder on the desk, laying his hand over it. “This is Carol’s medical record and of course, you have the option to read it, but I would prefer that you did not, not at first at least. As I’ve mentioned, you need to practice your skills with actual patients.”

“So, you want me to find out what’s going on with her on my own?”

“Yes, but as I said, you will have this for anytime you want to read it,” he took the folder, handing it to her without lifting his elbow from the desk, which forced her to stretch out to take it.

Therese put the folder on her lap, tracing the name with her index finger. “Fine, I'll try on my own first,” she raised her head, meeting his eyes. He was smiling at her, and she couldn’t help but feel it was in a patronizing way.

“Great. In that case, you can start tomorrow.”

 

* * *

 

Dr. Tucker had given her the rest of the day off, however she had stayed at the hospital for a bit longer, this time wandering outside on her own. Therese was sitting on a bench longer that she had planned since someone took a seat next to her. A red haired and lanky teenager, accompanied by his doctor, who was standing next to him. Beyond the introduction with the doctor, no one said a word. It looked like the boy was playing with a sheet of paper, but Therese then realized that he was in fact doing origami, after she watched him fold the sheet several times and it was really entertaining see those long fingers working with such delicacy and ripping the paper with gentleness when it was needed.

When he finished his work, he extended his hand that was holding the figure in her direction, urging her to take it when she didn't move for it in the first place. Therese took the figure, admiring the detail in the little dragon until she saw the boy standing up and taking a few steps. She thanked him quickly before he stray too far, making him stop and turn slightly, enough for her to see him blush profusely before he quickened his steps, almost jogging his way back to the hospital, followed by his doctor and leaving Therese with a bittersweet sensation.

Once alone, she was suddenly aware of someone’s piercing eyes on her so she lifted her head on instinct. The person observing her from afar was unmistakeable and not precisely due to the black hoodie she was wearing, but for the effect she had on her. And although she was just about to leave, she decided to stay on a whim as long as Carol remained in the window, ignoring her brain that was scolding her for acting like a silly schoolgirl at the moment. She wasn’t looking at her anymore [at least that's how it seemed to her] so Therese took the opportunity to glance up at her.

For a moment she felt guilty for the shallowness of her thoughts, but she couldn’t stop thinking that Carol was beyond beautiful. That had been her initial thought when she saw her for the first time but now that she could look at her without the concern that someone else would catch her, she was certain that she was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. Suddenly the grey eyes locked with hers, bringing her out of her trance, and after a few seconds she could see Carol standing up. She lifted her arm without moving her hand as a way of greeting, making Therese smile mildly and wave at her.

When Carol disappeared from the window and Therese finally decided to make her way back to her apartment it was already dark.

 

* * *

 

Therese left her satchel [with a little bit of difficulty since she didn’t want to put down the things she had in her hands] on the couch and headed to the kitchen after placing her little dragon on the bookshelf in the living room, leaving Carol’s record and the bag she was carrying on the countertop that linked the kitchen with the dining room. She took out the food she had bought on her way home [thank God for Chinese food and its tendency to save the day] and made a mental note to do grocery shopping at the weekend. She wasn’t really hungry, but knowing that the moment she hit the bed she would fall asleep, it was better to eat something now.

After grabbing a fork and taking the first bite, she sat on one of the stools, looking sideways at the folder that kept drawing her attention. It was like an itch that would not allow you to concentrate on anything else until you scratch it. No matter what she was doing: eating, getting herself a drink, washing the dishes or rearranging her bookshelf; her eyes strayed away over and over from the task at hand to look at that goddamn folder.

She rubbed the bridge of her nose, jaded, and after reaching a decision, Therese took the folder, walking towards her bedroom. As soon as she stepped in, she threw it onto the bed. She went to the bathroom first, changing into her white tank top and bluish, comfy shorts to get ready for bed and after washing her face and teeth, she returned to her bedroom.

Watching the medical record one more time, she nodded, as to ensure she had made the right decision. Once she reached the bed, Therese lifted the mattress a little with one hand, while she reached for the folder with the other and put it under it, right in the middle. After a few seconds, she sat down on the edge, thinking about the effect her choice would have on her and when she started to feel the restlessness disappear, she felt victorious. There was no point in denying that she really wanted to satisfy her curiosity and read the damn thing, but what she wanted even more than that was Carol to trust her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought I was going to tell why Carol is in the hospital so soon? I'm mean, so you will have to wait a little longer :P


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little warning. There's a slight mention of self-harm, nothing detailed but I wanted to let you know just in case :)

 

Therese entered the Exam Room on the ground floor the next day after a brief discussion with Dr. Tucker and checking Carol’s schedule. She didn’t have the chance to see it previously, because quoting Dr. Tucker:  _“Exam Rooms always look the same.”_ He was not far from the truth, she had to admit, but when she caught sight of the colored furniture she was both surprised and glad that here they were not insisting on following the practice about keeping the rooms completely white. Not many people realized the huge difference a little color made, but Therese was one of them. She was in the process of retrieving the things she was going to use when she saw the door opening to give way to Carol, who froze midstep when she saw her.

“Hello, Carol,” she paused for a moment to look up and address her properly.

“What are you doing here?,” she looked completely puzzled upon seeing her and the fact that she was wearing a coat that seemed at least two sizes too big this time made her appear truly adorable so Therese had to make a huge effort to try not to smile.

“Well, good morning to you too,” she said amused, but when Carol neither answered nor moved closer for that matter, Therese sighed. “I thought Dr. Tucker was going to talk to you yesterday?”

“Yes, he did, but what are you doing _here_?,” she asked again and waved around the room.

 _Oh._  It finally dawned on her and Carol’s shocked expression made perfect sense right away. Why was she doing _this_? Why was she the one here ready to take her vitals when it’s the nurses’ job? And how could Therese possible explain the real reason to her without making herself look like a blushing, stuttering disaster? She was more than tempted to ignore the question but she knew that doing so wouldn’t help to establish the relationship she wished to build.

“I wanted to,” she shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. And perhaps it really wasn’t, but the way Carol was looking at her made her believe that somehow the woman was fully aware of all the words she left unspoken. “But if you don’t want me to do it, I can call someone else.”

Therese reached for the door at the same time Carol finally stepped inside and closed it behind her. “That won’t be necessary. A nurse, you, it doesn’t matter as long as it’s done,” she tried to look nonchalant and unfazed but Therese caught her fidgeting with the hem of one of the long sleeves that prevented her from seeing her hands.

It was clear that Carol was extremely nervous although not because she thought she was menacing in some physical way, no. Therese’s sudden presence seemingly caught her off balance and she was having a difficult time processing the change she meant in her life. It was almost funny, Therese thought, that she probably didn’t realize how similar of a situation they were both in.

“I’m nervous too, you know?” Carol looked at her suspiciously, as if she couldn’t believe what she just heard. “Perhaps our reasons to be nervous are not exactly the same but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel that way myself. But I want you to know one thing, Carol. I won’t ever do anything you don’t want. You don’t want to talk? We won’t talk. You don’t want me to be in the same room as you are? I won’t be there. You change your mind about me being part of your treatment at any point? I will go to talk with Dr. Tucker immediately. You have to know that you are the one who holds the reins here. I just want you…” Therese looked down at the floor gulping, her face getting impossibly flushed. She wasn’t sure if being this honest was something brave or plain stupid. “I just want you to give me a chance.”

There was a baffling silence while neither of them moved, both rooted to their spot in the middle of the room. Therese felt completely self-conscious, torturing herself by overthinking that she had made a terrible mistake, that it was too much too soon and she shouldn’t have rushed it. The fact that Carol’s eyes were focused on her all the while didn’t help one bit. But soon she was put out of her misery when Carol took a tentative step towards her, making her lift her head.

“You are a strange girl,” she whispered in a soft tone.

“I’m going to take that as a compliment,” she replied hesitantly, trying to sound confident.

“You should.”

When Carol smiled, even when it was in a melancholic way, Therese had this fleeting thought that she would do everything in her power to see the woman smile more often. “Thank you. Hop on, then,” she patted the blue pad of the exam table, doing her best to brush off the effect those words had had on her.

“I’m not a child, Dr. Belivet,” she grumbled a bit but still did as requested.

“And I’m not a doctor yet, but here we are,” Therese joked but couldn’t squash her insecurity. “Is that a problem for you?”

“If it was, we wouldn’t be here,” there was conviction in her voice, for which Therese smiled gratefully and nodded.

Once she settled the instruments she was going to use in the tray, she took a few steps to stand in front of Carol, wheeling the tray behind her. Without a single word, Carol opened her coat when Therese took the stethoscope from her neck, placing the earpieces in her ears and after rubbing the chestpiece against her hand to warm it a bit, she grasped the hem of Carol’s shirt and pulled on it slightly so she could shove her hand under. It wasn’t her first time doing this, but it was definitely the first time she felt so unprofessional during an examination.

Carol’s body heat caused an unexpected and thralling reaction in her, making her feel as if someone else was controlling her movements since her arm and hand seemed to be moving much slower than it should have been normal. At one point Therese was fairly certain that she was imagining things when she thought she saw goosebumps erupting on the other woman’s pale skin. But it had to be her imagination only because Therese hadn’t even touched her so it wasn’t really possible. _Right?_ And when the stethoscope finally made contact with her chest, Therese couldn’t tell if they were Carol’s heartbeats she was hearing or hers because she was awfully aware of her own traitorous heart pounding in her ears.

Carol, on the other hand, appeared as calm and collected as she could muster. It was obvious that she was used to this routine since she was doing everything when and how it was needed, like inhaling and exhaling and holding her breath, without Therese saying anything to her, not even when she had moved to her back to listen to her breathing. They had gone through the measurements of the pulse and respiration rate, and the body temperature [where she had taken more time that necessary because she got distracted by looking at Carol’s full lips] in complete silence. Stepping back once she finished, Therese breathed out in relief but she couldn’t ignore a part of her that wanted stay close to the woman.

Sensing Carol’s eyes following her around, she tucked away a stray strand of hair behind her ear, a nervous habit she’d had since she was a child, while she was recording the recently acquired numbers. She was fully aware of how her fingers were trembling slightly and so she tried to grip the pen harder in order to stop it but it was futile. She put the pen down on the cabinet after she finally finished writing, then she placed her sweaty hands on the paper sheets and closed her eyes to steady herself. _What on earth is going on with you? Get a hold of yourself! Now!_

Carol was watching her with enraptured fascination. Since she had met the young doctor she was completely intrigued by the woman and she couldn’t put her finger on it why. Sure, it was easy to notice that she was a very clever girl, she had even listened to Dr. Tucker singing her accolades for nearly ten minutes the day before, pointing it out why it would be good for her if she was part of her therapy. _As if she needed that much convincing._  But for some strange reason it bothered her that he had spoken about Dr. Belivet as if she was only a huge asset for the hospital. It was clear to anyone that she was so much more than that. The girl could connect with people surprisingly fast, could make you feel like everything was possible by just looking to your eyes and flash that slight, sincere smile that accentuated those dimples she tried but failed to hide. Dr. Belivet seemed to really, truly care and that notion was terrifying for Carol.

She watched her take the sphygmomanometer that was next to her right and when she turned to her, their eyes met. She inwardly marveled at the fact that Dr. Belivet’s cheeks reddened faintly while she closed the distance between them one more time. It was an inexplicable sensation Carol experienced in her presence, it was calm and tranquil, as if she possessed a power to soothe and silence the tormenting thoughts whirling in her head, something that not even her meds could entirely do. And it had been so long since Carol felt this way so she tried to cherish the feeling while it lasted. Unfortunately it ended sooner than she would have liked, precisely when she heard the other woman say _“I need you to lift your sleeve.”_

Therese was seriously trying to think of a way to take Carol’s blood pressure without needing to lift her sleeve [even if she knew there wasn’t one] when she noticed how tense the woman had become. She felt the atmosphere shift suddenly in the room, filling with anxious energy that reeked off of Carol, and Therese thought she should probably ask if she was willing to continue. But Carol finally moved to take her coat off, averting her eyes when Therese tried to read her expression, and when she lowered her gaze, she understood why.

There were a myriad of scratch marks on Carol’s arms, most of them already fading. In fact, for anyone else, they weren’t even that obvious but for Therese they painfully were and she was suddenly overpowered by the desire to take the woman into her arms and promise her that everything was going to be alright from now on, defying all logic. Instead she clutched her fingers around the sphygmomanometer in an attempt to ignore the tingling sensation that was growing in them, urging her to caress those marks, and when that didn’t work she quickly wrapped the cuff around Carol’s upper arm, focusing on the remaining task and looking back at Carol's face after she had placed the device.

At this point it was normal to Carol when people looked at her with pity as well as she was also accustomed to the people that vainly feigned to not notice to avoid making her feel bad about her situation. _As if it was possible._ She had even caught her best friend, Abby, looking at her like that from time to time. For her acquaintances and friends she had become this pitiful creature, and for the hospital she was a mere test subject and after a while, she became exactly that, without really caring about it anymore. After all, she had become the shell of the person she used to be, so what was the point to prove the rest of the world wrong when she didn’t even had the desire to do so?

But now with this damn girl everything felt so different. She didn’t know what to do with Dr. Belivet looking at her and treating her with real affection, without a single trail of pity, not even after that crucial moment. She didn’t know what to do when those shining green eyes locked with hers, saying more than a thousand words could. And the intensity of the moment was simply too much for her to handle, she felt like she was drowning. This is why she practically sprinted from the room the moment her arm was free, barely remembering to take her coat, not thinking of stopping, not even when she heard the anguished _“Carol, wait!”_

 

* * *

 

“How’s your first day going?”

Therese lifted her head from the papers she was reading through to look at Genevieve who rested her crossed arms over the counter, watching her with curiosity, and the young doctor tried to conceal her frustration. She was tired, feeling the start of a headache since she had spent a good amount of time replaying what happened in the Exam Room in her head, trying to find the exact moment that changed Carol’s demeanour and the last thing she needed right now was someone interrupting her with banalities. But Genevieve had been nothing but amiable with her since she stepped foot in the Center so she decided to made an effort and put on her best fake smile, ready to make up a good enough answer, when she sensed movement in her peripheral vision, making her turn her head to see what was happening.

Patients were forming a line at the Meds Window to pick up their afternoon dosages and Therese spotted Carol right away, she was standing by the opposite wall, leaning against it with her arms and legs crossed, looking so uninterested as if she had better things to do than being there. They hadn’t seen each other after what happened in the Exam Room because Therese knew the best thing she could have done was giving her some space until their next meeting, but she spent all her time thinking about it, trying to figure out where she had made a mistake. Sighing, she looked down back to her papers when she caught Carol’s head turning toward her direction, and she pretended to look to where she was for the first time until she felt Carol’s gaze on her.

Therese couldn’t believe what she was seeing when their eyes locked briefly before Carol lowered her gaze to the floor in a sheepish manner. _Shame_. Carol felt ashamed for some inexplicable reason. Therese had expected anger or at least standoffishness because something _she_ had done; she never thought, not even for a moment, that Carol considered herself the reason of this situation, but after seeing how she behaved it was clear that this was the case and that she regretted her attitude when there was no reason for it. Therese understood that this wasn’t going to be a smooth ride, no matter how much she wanted it, and made a mental note to be even more prepared and thoughtful in the future. She already knew she would be willing to go great lengths to find a way to help Carol in any way she could.

Now she really wanted to laugh with relief at the foolishness of the misunderstanding and she also felt tempted to go and approach Carol to make things clear, but knowing that she would feel self-conscious by being surrounded by other people, she decided to wait. And when Carol finally looked back up again, Therese smiled at her, giving her most reassuring and kind smile, this time not even bothering to hide her dimples, hoping that she could convey the message that there was nothing to worry about. Carol straightened up in her place with attention and Therese felt a pleasant warmth spreading in her chest when a real smile appeared upon the woman’s lips after understanding dawned on her. And as if that hadn’t been enough, when Carol moved away from the wall, she bowed her head at her in a swift and elegant motion before turning her face to the Meds Window, making Therese’s heart flutter.

“It’s going well, actually,” she finally answered Genevieve and she was still smiling when her eyes returned to her unfinished papers.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now I can tell you with certainty than in chapter 6 is when you are going to find out what happened with Carol ;)


	4. Chapter 4

Therese was having an especially hectic day, jumping from one task to another without the opportunity of taking a break since she had gotten to the hospital. She was walking down a corridor hurriedly, being already a few minutes late to a group therapy, so focused on her notes that she wasn’t even aware of her surroundings. When she finally reached the reception on her way to the opposite side of the hospital [because of course her destination was as far as it could be], she fumbled over the pocket of her coat, searching for her pen, stopping in her tracks when she didn’t find it.

“Hey, I think you dropped this.”

She turned abruptly upon hearing the rasp voice echoing in the lobby, and the first thing she saw was a hand holding her pen. It wasn’t until she tried to take it but it didn’t let go, that she lifted her head to see the dark eyes of a young man with a somewhat boyish face and light brown hair looking back at her. A sly grin was plastered on his lips and Therese lowered her gaze involuntarily, uncomfortable under his scrutiny, only to find he was wearing a guard uniform.

“Thank you,” she said quietly and looked back up at him.

“You are new,” he finally loosened his grip on the pen now that he had her attention.

It wasn’t a question and Therese sighed, trying not to seem so obvious about it. She didn’t consider herself new anymore since she had been working in the hospital for a couple of weeks after all, but she was the last new member of the staff, so she guessed she was in fact new to anyone else. “Oh, you are so observant,” she wasn’t sure if she had been successful in her attempt to not sound sarcastic but the fact that his smile widened made her think that she had.

“Why thank you,” he seemed pleased and Therese narrowed her eyes a bit. “I’m Richard Semco.”

“Dr. Therese Belivet,” it was the first time she introduced herself in such a professional way. She usually forgot to add the ‘doctor’ to her name.

“Oh! I have heard so much about you, I really wanted to meet you.”

“Oh really? Look, I’m sorry but I’m extremely busy right now,” she said quickly, waving the papers in her hand before him. She was convinced that even if she wasn’t, she would have used that excuse to get away. “So I must get going, patients are waiting for me.”

“Understandable. See you around, Dr. Belivet,” he actually winked at her as to emphasize his words.

Therese cringed internally, the bothersome sensation that he somehow tainted the very same meaning of what Carol had told her back on her first day crept up on her and it left a bitter feeling in her gut. But she didn’t let her discomfort show and only settled for pursing her lips and smiling awkwardly before turning around and hastening her steps towards her destination.

 

* * *

 

“So you met Richard,” Genevieve said as she sat down at the first available table she saw in the cafeteria after they had bought their lunch.

“I’m sorry, who?” Therese took a few furtive glances around, searching for certain blonde but taking her seat after a few seconds when she didn’t find her.

“The guard that returned your pen?,” she motioned towards the breast pocket of her coat.

“Oh yeah, right,” she replied absentmindedly and looked down just to make sure her pen was still there.

“You met him today and you don’t even remember his name?,” she rolled her eyes theatrically at Therese but her voice only held a little amusement.

“I have so many things on my mind, much more important things,” she shrugged. “Some particular reason you would mention it?”

“Not really.” Genevieve paused for a second to take a bite of her sandwich. “He’s a dick,” she added thoughtfully while wiping her hands carefully with her napkin.

“Of course he’s a Dick, his name is Richard.” Therese said as if it was the most obvious thing in the whole world. She wasn’t surprised by the abrupt silence that followed but she definitely was when Genevieve suddenly burst out in a fit of laughter, her eyes watering as she tried to open her can of soda.

“Oh God, you are adorably innocent,” she croaked, and when she calmed she took a few small sips of her drink.

Therese watched her with growing confusion because she couldn’t, for the life of her, understand why she had said that. Then she rewinded their conversation in her mind and as if a light bulb had been lit she suddenly did and closed her eyes in embarrassment. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Genevieve laughed again. “Anyway, he’s not really a dick, but he can be annoyingly oblivious and that makes spending time in his presence absolutely excruciating.”

“Personal experience?,” there was genuine curiosity in her question upon hearing Genevieve’s frustration.

“Unfortunately. I’m not saying everyone should have a gaydar, although they totally should, but at the very least he shouldn’t be going around thinking that every single woman is straight and open to his weak attempts at flirting. He had made that mistake with me and now he’s going to make it with you.”

Therese froze with her fork halfway to her mouth. It wasn’t that she was actively hiding her sexuality or that she felt ashamed of it. But it was the first time someone was so blunt talking about it, and most importantly it was the first time someone had figured it out on their own.

“What did you say?”

“Please, tell me that you are not one of those who had no idea,” she looked apprehensively and Therese let out a soft laugh.

“No, not at all. It’s just... I’m not used to people knowing it without me giving away some sort of clues first. And I’m very careful about that.”

“Yeah well, I’m not just anyone, you know? It took me a while, coming to terms with my sexuality but once I did…,” she was wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at her. “You could say I made up for the lost time. I’m 100% certified lesbian and I’m nothing but devoted to this lifestyle. I also have a 6th sense when it comes to identifying queer girls in my area so you couldn’t possibly stand a chance, really.”

Therese was about to swallow when she heard the words and it took her a huge effort to control herself and not laugh so she wouldn’t choke while Genevieve, who _was_ actually laughing, was patting her on the back eagerly, just in case.

 

* * *

 

Carol was resting her head against her left palm, hiding her face from her companion and rubbing her temple with her fingertips, hoping to stop her earlier headache that was threatening to return full force. She was trying to focus on finishing one of her drawing to clear her mind but it was getting more and more difficult. She honestly didn’t have anything against Jeanette, she even considered her a sort of friend under their current circumstances, but listening to her speak for more than an hour non-stop was simply proving to be too much. She was mentally exhausted and in one of those rare moods when she was craving silence, but when Jeanette went suddenly quiet, Carol couldn’t help to look at her to find out why.

The other blonde wasn’t looking at her anymore though, her gaze was directed at something at her right side over her shoulder, that Carol couldn’t see unless she moved. She was debating if it was truly necessary to turn when someone cleared her throat and she knew right away who it was without the need to see her. The delicate sound was an instant giveaway. Having a good reason for it now, she moved her head, without lifting it from her palm, to look at her doctor and when she did, her mouth dropped slightly.

Therese was wearing glasses today and she had her hair tied up in a half ponytail. _As if she wasn’t absolutely stunning already._ It was amusing to Carol how effortlessly Therese could appear as one of the most beautiful women she had ever seen. She spent long hours mapping her features during their sessions, memorizing even the smallest of details like how even her rare crooked smile could light her entire face up or how expressive her eyes were. She hoped she wasn’t too obvious, openly admiring her doctor was something she wouldn’t want to get caught doing. It made things even worse that Therese wasn’t only gorgeous, she was also very intriguing. Everytime Carol expected a certain reaction from her, she was surprised by a completely different, and that only lured her closer to her.

Carol’s eyes roamed Therese’s face slowly, stopping at her lips that were moving. She wasn’t paying much attention to what she was saying since she knew the words weren’t directed at her but at Jeanette and when Therese smiled, revealing her dimples a little, she held her breath. Carol was finally put out of her reverie when her friend stood from their table, drawing her eyes towards her to watch her wave goodbye and making her nod in her direction as an acknowledgment of her departure.

When her attention turned back to Therese, she was already watching her but when their eyes met, she raised a questioning eyebrow. Carol knew what that meant, she was asking her if she wanted to stay right there or would prefer to go to a quieter place, as if they had many options because Carol never chose to go outside. And since Carol didn’t move or say a word, Therese lowered herself in the chair that had just been vacated.

“Can we not speak today? I have had so much of that already,” it wasn’t completely true as she hadn’t spoken that much actually but part of her wanted to tease the young doctor to see what her reaction would be.

“Of course,” she replied with a kind smile.

They were sitting in comfortable silence for a few minutes and Carol decided to continue with her drawing, tracing lines lazily until she got distracted when she saw movement in front of her, and she watched Therese placing a notebook on the table. She didn’t pay attention after that, thinking that the young woman was probably going to distract herself with work, making notes or catching up on some paperwork, but when she felt a soft push against the hand she had stretched over the table, she had to divert her attention once again. It was the notebook that made contact with her fingers, and Therese’s hand was clutching the other end, pushing it towards her, urging her to take it. She didn’t at first, but after realizing that Therese wasn’t going to relent, she rolled her eyes and took it, seeing there was something written on the front page. 

> This doesn’t count as “speaking”, right?

Carol felt the sudden desire to laugh and couldn’t help the feeling of amusement at the audacity of the young doctor. She put down the notebook over the paper sheet she had been drawing on and bit her lower lip before answering since the sensation to laugh hadn’t completely dissipated. 

> Depends on who you ask, I suppose.

Therese smiled after reading her response, feeling glad that Carol didn’t shut down her idea right away and started formulating her next message. She was gently biting the end of her pen in concentration and Carol couldn’t stop looking at her just as she couldn’t help the warm smile that appeared on her lips at the vision. 

> I’m asking **you**.

The word ‘you’ had been strengthened to highlight it, clearly written down several times, making Carol feel that Therese truly cared for her opinion. 

> Then no, it doesn’t count as “speaking”. But next time I’m going to have to be more specific and say that I don’t want to engage in any kind of communication. You successfully tricked me this time, doctor.

She was about to hand the notebook back to Therese but in the last minute she decided to add a smiley face with its tongue out so it was clear that she was joking. And she knew she had made the right choice when she heard Therese’s soft giggle. After several exchanges, Carol started to feel like a schoolgirl who was swapping notes with a classmate and she gave a quick look around at one point, as if she was checking that nobody would catch them but thankfully no one seemed to be interested in what they were doing.

During her latest turn to wait while Carol answered, Therese allowed herself to enjoy the warm sensation spreading through her. It wasn’t the first time it happened, she felt it every time Carol welcomed her ways, but in her attempt to seem professional she pretended to look nonchalant, as if there was absolutely nothing special or extraordinary about the situation. But she knew better, it was something beautiful, fragile and definitely special but she was dreading of crossing the fine line between an intimate but professional relationship with her patient and something more she didn’t dare to define. She was more dependent on the acceptance and validation of the outside world than she dare to admit, and often felt quite uncertain of herself and her endeavours but somehow Carol had the ability to make her feel confident even if nervous. Although who wouldn’t be nervous with certain grey eyes following her all the time with rapt attention?

Therese was pulled out of her thoughts when she felt a lightweight pressure on her right middle finger, over her ring, and she saw, flabbergasted, that it was Carol's index finger causing it. It was the first time the woman initiated some sort of contact between them, and not because Therese was the one who normally did it; beyond taking Carol’s vitals there had never been any contact between the two [and it wasn't like there was any during those occasions either]. Not wanting to ruin the moment, she kept her gaze focused on their joined hands, watching how Carol touched her as if she was afraid Therese would pull her hand back at any moment but when she didn’t, Carol started playing with her ring, spinning it around a few times, softly but with assurance. Therese smiled sweetly, mesmerized by the simple action that had her heart pounding hard against her chest and she had this fleeting desire to turn her hand upwards to interlace her fingers with Carol’s. She didn’t though, knowing that she had to give Carol full control in this aspect.

Both of them jumped when someone called Carol’s name and Therese turned her head towards the door to find one of the nurses standing there who reminded them that it was time to lock the room. Therese quickly realized that they were the only two people left there and she couldn’t believe that their time had gone by so fast. After reassuring the woman that they would be leaving soon, they were left alone again.

Carol, with her finger still over the ring, took Therese’s notebook and closed it before handing it back to its owner. The moment Therese took it she felt Carol’s finger slide down hers, followed by a delicious shiver running through her body and leaving her unable to move when Carol finally stood up. When the blonde didn’t move after a few seconds, Therese finally dared to look into Carol's eyes who were already watching her.

“I should be going,” she whispered.

“Yeah, I know,” she whispered back and Carol wanted to laugh because there was no point of doing it since they were completely alone.

Carol gave a quick glance to the notebook that was still in Therese’s hand, wondering if she should say something or let her find out on her own, but Therese could read her with a surprising ease so she caught the message and opened it. She was expecting to see something on the page they had been writing on, but there was nothing there except for the last message that had been hers. However something on the inside of the cover caught her eye.

It was an unfinished drawing of her smiling, and the only reason she knew it was her was because the outline of the hair was drawn in the same way she was wearing it today, as well as the addition of the glasses was telling. Carol didn’t have the time to draw much, actually the only thing that had been finished was her smile, with dimples and all, but what made her feel glad to be sitting was the added message underneath. 

> I like your smile.

Suddenly Carol wanted to flee from the room, but the desire to see Therese’s reaction for once was much stronger than that. She could see the brunette blushing and for a second she thought she shouldn’t have done what she did, but when the corners of her mouth started to lift slowly while touching the written message reverently, she calmed down. And when Therese raised her head to look at her, a radiant smile playing on her lips without holding anything back, Carol felt a pleasant sensation setting in her body.

“Carol, I… this is marvelous.”

“Perhaps I could finish it one day?”

“I would love that.”

This time it was Carol’s turn to smile at the sincerity in Therese’s voice. She nodded and without saying anything else, she made her way towards the door, wincing a little at the sound the chair made on the floor when Therese pushed it back so she could stand up.

“Carol,” she saw the blonde stopping in her tracks right in the doorway but she didn’t turn around. “I want you to know that I like your smile too,” it took a moment to watch Carol resume her step after her words and when Therese was sure she was out of earshot she whispered to herself. “More than I should.”


	5. Chapter 5

“Why don’t you like going outside?”

They were sitting on the windowsill, facing each other with one leg tucked under their bodies so they both could be somewhat comfortable. Therese hadn’t meant to sit there in the first place, to invade and occupy Carol’s personal space, but when the woman saw her taking a chair to pull it closer, she made a gesture with her hand for Therese to join her. It was a beautiful, sunny day and Therese, who only had eyes for her, could see that Carol was admiring it longingly. So after much consideration she finally decided it was time to ask one of the questions that had been circling in her mind for a while.

“I would have guessed that you already had an idea why,” she answered distractedly, without sparing a glance at Therese.

“Oh, I do have an idea why, but no matter how many rumors you have heard about psychiatrists, I’m afraid I can’t read your mind, Carol. I can’t be sure if my theory is right, the only thing I’m certain of is that it has nothing to do with agoraphobia.”

Carol looked at her finally, tilting her head a little and resting it against the window. “Tell me the idea you have and I will tell you if it’s correct or not.”

Therese lowered her gaze to her lap, licking her lips nervously, missing the way Carol’s eyes were following the motion carefully. She couldn’t shake the feeling this was another test. Carol had the habit to throw questions right back to her from time to time, challenging Therese to vocalize her thoughts first, to see if she was really as good as everyone claimed. She noticed the first time Carol had done it, thanks to her playful, lopsided smile more than anything. Therese also had the notion that Carol wanted to know if she was still willing to make herself vulnerable in her presence. Since she had admitted that she was nervous too, the older woman used to, in discreet ways, ascertain if she hadn’t changed her mind.

“Alright,” she cleared her throat as she was collecting herself before speaking. “You prefer to spend your time inside of the facility because of the noise it provides, it distracts you from your thoughts. Outside it’s calm and it overwhelms you because it’s harder to ignore them.”

Carol’s lips parted slightly in a silent sigh before she pressed them together, looking away from her and through the window again. “That’s the exact reason, Dr. Belivet.”

Therese did her best to mask her disappointment. She had been trying for days, unsuccessfully, to make Carol call her just by her name. “Don’t you miss it?”

“Going outside? Sometimes. There are several things I miss but there’s nothing I can really do about that,” she sounded so resigned that Therese swore she could feel her own heart breaking for her.

“Why is that?”

“Because there’s no point,” she mumbled and Therese wasn’t sure if she had actually heard her or if she had been able to read her lips. “Not anymore.”

As time passed it became clear to Therese that whatever had happened to Carol was way more traumatic than she initially thought but now for the first time she actually felt she had made a vast mistake when she followed Dr. Tucker’s advice of not reading Carol’s record. What was she even thinking? She had been stupidly naive, trying to develop a personal connection with the woman completely ignoring her professional duty. And only because she felt lured to Carol for some reason it didn’t meant she felt the same way.

Trying to keep a modicum of calm before her desperation could show, Therese reminded herself that she wasn’t completely oblivious of Carol’s situation. She knew about her severe anxiety, the scratches on her arms had been obvious signs. It was her way of distraction when her brain was disposed to torture her, when she was in her weakest moments. And the other day, when Therese was walking through one of the halls, she stopped by the window of a room when she heard a commotion coming from a Wrap-up Group. She saw Carol immediately, she was sitting with her elbows over her thighs and her head between her hands, moving restlessly in her chair and when she straightened, she ran her hands through her hair in desperation. There was sweat covering her forehead and the agitation was so clear in her expression as if she was trying to find something without knowing exactly what it was, so close to hyperventilation that the doctor in charge had to call for the nurse to drug her and Therese still felt nauseous at the fact that she didn't try to intervene, especially when she thought the drugs weren’t needed.

And there was also her depression. Carol lived in an obvious despairing state even if she was so good at faking it with feigned smiles and pretending to be engaged in certain situations. One time, Genevieve mentioned that she couldn’t understand why she was still kept in the Center when she looked so composed most of the time, and if Therese didn’t know better, she would have agreed. But she saw the reality in Carol’s eyes, the numbness, the exhaustion, the detachment, and for whatever reason, Carol allowed herself to lower her guard in Therese’s presence, not bothering to try to fake it anymore as if she had put aside all the strength needed for the day. So she had witnessed the unexpected irritation at even the smallest of nuisances, the burden of doing things when not feeling interested in them and how quickly she lost concentration when she did something she didn’t want to, not to mention the direct messages about the fact that she didn’t seem to find life enjoyable anymore.

But the missing piece still eluded her. She was convinced that Carol had gone through a traumatic experience and something had been the trigger but it proved more than difficult for Therese to find out what exactly it was. They talked but their conversations were practically superficial since she didn’t want to force Carol to talk about things she didn’t want, especially if they caused such anguish in her.

_I’m terrible at this_ , she sighed. “Carol-”

“Are you going to give me the speech that I still can enjoy life despite everything?,” she interrupted her curtly.

“No, I’m not going to do that,” she frowned, almost offended and feeling like she had every right to be after Carol had told her that she was so different than what she was used to when it came to psychiatrists.

“Then what is it?,” the sudden softness in her tone was her way of apology.

Therese took a deep breath, summoning her courage. “Wouldn’t you like to go outside one day?”

Carol’s eyes widened in surprise before she turned to look at her. “I don’t think-,” this time it was her turn to be interrupted.

“Wait, please, hold on, let me say something before you make a decision,” when she saw the blonde’s nod, she continued. “I would accompany you, of course, you won’t be alone so I can distract you whenever it is needed and the moment you want to come back inside we will do it, even if it’s after three steps,” she truly wanted to reach for Carol’s hand but she settled on smiling reassuringly at her.

When a too long silence stretched between them, Therese was sure that Carol was going to reject the idea, especially after she lowered her head in distress and began to pull a thread of her pants in stiff motions. But she was pleasantly surprised when Carol replied with a soft _“alright,”_ lifting her head to smile at her feebly but with determination.

 

* * *

 

Therese was sitting on one of the moderately comfortable couches of the Staff Break Room, with her head thrown back, resting against the backrest, and her eyes closed. It was one of those rare moments when she was completely alone, able to enjoy the blissful quiet of the room without the need to be politely social. However, the sound of the door opening broke the magic of the moment and she straightened in her seat, opening her eyes to see Dr. Tucker entering and walking towards the counter to prepare himself a cup of coffee.

“You want to take Carol outside?”

She didn’t know if she was surprised because Carol had said anything about it or if because he sounded so incredulous. “Yeah, I do,” her tone was tentative since she didn’t know if he was going to support her idea or not, after all, Carol could have told him in order to prevent it from happening.

“Carol has never shown a desire to go outside.”

He was still standing with his back towards her and Therese was grateful for the opportunity to frown without having to contain herself. She had never _shown_ a desire? Every time she caught Carol looking through the window, the desire was all over her face.

When Therese didn’t answer right away, he kept talking. “Her friend, with my help, had tried to persuade her to spend time with her outside of the building several times but she never wanted, they had a nasty argument the last time the subject was brought on and they haven’t talked about it since then.”

Therese had the fleeting sensation of self-doubt creeping up on her, but how could she not trust herself when Carol did? She had stuck to her decision to give her a chance and she hadn't changed her mind even when it was clear that she had taken her out of her comfort zone. If Carol was acting courageously, how could she not do the same? “I understand your concern, but since you know about this then you must know I talked with her and that we are going to do this at her pace.”

Dr. Tucker finally turned to her. He was stirring his coffee with a coffee straw and gave her a contemptuous smile before taking a sip. “Just be careful, you have no idea how Carol can get in her worst moments.”

Therese rose to her feet slowly while formulating her answer, since sitting made her feel as if she was at a disadvantage in their conversation. “You are right, I don’t, but I do know that I won’t back down after the first obstacle. I’m going to be there,” she had to bite her tongue really hard to stop herself from adding ‘ _with her’_.

“What you are trying to do it’s admirable but naive. And I get it, you are young and you want to save everyone, but sometimes you can’t, and the sooner you realize it, the better,” he lowered his gaze to his coffee, refusing to look her in the eyes.

The comment bothered her to no end, more for Carol’s sake than her own but she would be damned if she allowed it to show. “Don’t take this in the wrong way but you have your own methods and I’m trying to develop mine. I’m taking her outside,” she smiled when he looked back at her in an attempt to smooth the comment before leaving the room.

 

* * *

 

Dr. Tucker’s words hadn’t abandoned her mind as the next couple of days went by but when she was with Carol she tried to ignore them as much as she could, especially now since she was observing her carefully. They were finally outside, under one of the farthest trees of the garden and even though she could sense the nervousness radiating off of her there was nothing to worry about yet. Therese had discovered that place one day when she was desperate to find a little solace since she couldn’t catch a break, not even during her free period, due to Richard or Genevieve. She had wandered slowly, aimlessly, enjoying the fresh wind ruffling her hair and the warmth of the sunlight kissing her face until she didn’t have anywhere to go unless she wanted to walk back. She was leaning against the tree for a while before lowering herself to a more comfortable sitting position, realizing that nobody ventured that far and when Carol agreed, she knew this was going to be the place where they would go.

During the walk to their destination, Carol stayed close to her, not close enough to bump against each other but enough for Therese to feel the pleasant warmth of her body which was positively delightful. When they finally arrived, Therese had the foresight to take her coat off, trying not to stain it on the grass unlike last time, resting her back against the tree trunk. Carol was still standing a few steps afar, looking around in something like awe mixed with certain agitation, but Therese didn’t feel the need to intervene until she saw her running her fingers over her covered forearms insistently. “Carol,” she lowered her voice to speak softly but she startled the woman anyway, causing her to turn around abruptly. “Come here.” Therese hold a hand out for Carol to take.

She didn't expect her to actually take it so she was pleasantly surprised when the blonde grabbed her hand without hesitation, making all coherent thought leave her momentarily, distracted by the sensation of Carol’s fingers wrapping around hers, not even caring in the slightest bit when she clenched with more force than necessary. Pulling her softly by the arm, she prompted her to sit next to her, following with her eyes as she lowered herself onto her knees before sitting down.

“Are you okay?”

There was such a raw fondness in her voice that Carol had to gulp first to be able to speak. “Ugh, yeah. I think so,” she was acutely aware of that she hadn’t let go of Therese’s hand and the other still was over her forearm.

“May I?,” Therese lowered her gaze to her forearm, making her remove her hand from it quickly, before lifting her eyes to her face again and Carol nodded, more out of curiosity than really knowing what Therese wanted to do.

Once she received the approval, Therese rolled her sleeve up until her elbow with her free hand, not even thinking of stopping when she heard Carol's soft gasp. The skin was slightly red due to the previous friction and this time Therese didn’t hold back on touching it. When Therese’s fingertips made contact first with her wrist Carol tensed, feeling her stomach tightening and she couldn’t tell if it was in a pleasant or uncomfortable sensation, but when she felt them stroking tenderly along her forearm her heart skipped a beat before pounding furiously against her chest. As the different sensations chased each other in her, Carol felt herself getting overwhelmed so she quickly pulled her arm back from Therese’s grasp. They immediately felt the awkwardness of the situation settling between them, and Carol cursed internally for being the reason for it while Therese blamed herself for pushing too far yet again. She needed to keep her head in the game if she wanted to help the woman rather than constantly getting carried away by her emotions.

“Ask me anything.” Therese blurted out while wringing her hands, as if she was trying to keep them occupied to avoid doing something stupid again.

“What?” Carol was frowning, feeling frustrated with herself.

“I told you I was going to distract you, so, ask me anything you want.”

Carol almost laughed at the desperate attempt Therese made to diffuse the nervous energy that settled around them but she wouldn’t miss the opportunity the young woman was offering to get to know her better. “Really? Anything?”

Therese chuckled but also blushed slightly. “Yes, anything. I don’t have anything to hide from you,” she looked up at Carol so she could see the sincerity in her eyes.

At first she settled on a few simple questions concerning her favorite color, food, artist and writer in an attempt to lighten the mood, and when she saw Therese’s puzzled expression turning into a soft laugh before answering them anyway, Carol felt victorious. Every question appeared to be a real challenge though, and Therese had to admit that it was impossible to pick a favorite because she enjoys far too many things. Even with the colors she couldn't decide on one and only managed to say that she likes pastels because they calm her. She made Carol smile when she explained that she eats pretty much everything and she has a healthy diet during the week but she has a weakness for junk food and confectionery she usually satisfies on weekends. It was also amusing how it looked like Therese was going under a huge predicament when she began to talk about entertainment: she watched movies and tv shows when she had the time but she prefered to read even if she spent months with a book and her preferred genre was science fiction or fantasy. _“Sometimes I just need to forget about the real world for a while,”_ she told her and the blonde couldn’t agree more.

Carol was paying rapt attention of even the smallest of details Therese shared with her, practically drinking her words; she wanted to know everything about her, so listening to her cheerful answers that more often than not led to other subjects was enough to effortless take her back to the comfort they always seemed to share. It wasn’t until her questions started to take a more serious turn when she noticed the atmosphere shifting once again but not necessarily in a bad way.

“Why psychiatry? There’s a personal reason behind, I would imagine.”

“You could say that. It was personal at first, then it wasn’t anymore, but I was already way too interested in psychiatry by that point to be thinking in anything else,” she could feel Carol’s piercing eyes on her, encouraging her to keep going and she smiled softly. “When I was little, around 5 years old, my mother left my father and me. He told me that she really didn’t mean to, that she was sick and she didn’t knew what she was doing. I was obviously too young to understand what a mental disorder really was but I knew that I wanted to help my mother to get better. I became the weird kid that read weird stuff while growing up and got mocked because according to some people I was just pretending to be smart and that I didn't really understand what I was reading at all, that it was impossible, but I never cared for that, I thought as long as I could help my mother in the end, that was going to be enough to prove them wrong.”

Therese paused a little to take a deep breath and was surprised when Carol put a hand over hers that was resting on her thigh while she was talking. It was an undeniable tentative move and Therese didn’t know if it was because Carol didn’t want to do it in the first place but went for it anyway as a show of support or because she thought that Therese wouldn’t welcome the sentiment. Either way, she couldn’t help the smile appearing on her face, the gesture truly warmed her heart to the core.

“Go on.” Carol whispered with interest.

It took a few seconds to remember where she had left off, especially when she felt Carol’s thumb caressing her skin. “Right. Well, I got so into it that I was rarely seen without a book and I wasn’t very sociable because of that. My father… he felt guilty upon seeing my way of living and he finally confessed me the truth,” she smiled sadly. “My mother wasn’t really sick, well, some people would say she was, sick of us, but she didn’t have a mental disorder, that was my father’s way to soften the blow, because he didn’t want expose me to the bitter truth at such a tender age. First I felt like the world as I knew it was collapsing on me in its entirety. I was so terribly heartbroken and also mad at him, even resented him for the lie… but we got over it together with time. And now I can say I understand him, I understand why he did it because how would such a young child have been able to deal with the fact that her mother didn't want her anymore?,” she felt her eyes watering so she lowered her face, fixing her gaze on her lap.

A deep silence followed her confession that was finally broken by the sound of Carol moving closer to her. “Therese, I’m so sorry.”

She lifted her head so abruptly that she almost struck Carol’s forehead. “You- you called me Therese,” she was amazed, not only by that but because she had actually pronounced her name in the right way on the first try [she was so used to correct people all the time] and also by the fact just how easily Carol could distract her from her most painful memory.

Carol’s eyes widened, not realizing what she had done until Therese mentioned it and she felt herself blush slightly but tried to seem nonchalant all the same. “That’s your name,” there was a ‘duh’ tone in her voice.

Therese nodded and let out a soft laugh as she moved back a strand of hair that fell in her face, tucking it behind her ear. “True, I just thought I was…,” the rest of the words left her when Carol moved her hand to intertwine their fingers and Therese, without thinking, turned her hand upwards to allow it.

Carol rejoiced when she saw Therese’s cheeks tinge a lovely shade of red, ignoring her own reaction to the intimate gesture. “You just thought what?,” she lowered her voice, watching with amusement as Therese opened her mouth just to close it again.

“I- umm- just that I thought I would be ‘Dr. Belivet’ for you forever,” she finally managed to say, stammering a bit.

Carol looked at Therese yearningly before diverting her gaze, focusing on the leaves instead that were moving in the wind. “I don't think that had ever been a possibility,” there was a deafening silence between them that made her feel uncomfortable, so she hurried to clarify. “You only being Dr. Belivet for me, I mean.”

The tenderness and shyness of her voice, made Therese feel butterflies in her stomach but it was her words what made her heart beat wildly in her chest. However, she knew better than to question her further about it so she opted for squeezing her hand only, making Carol turn back to look at her once again. “Thank you for telling me, you have no idea how much that means to me,” she smiled blissfully at her and lowered her gaze to their joined hands when Carol returned the squeeze, feeling her inching towards her until the side of their bodies were touching, enjoying each other's company in a comfortable silence.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm updating before the month, that has to count for something, right? [laughs uncomfortably] I TRULY apologize for this waiting and I'm going to do everything I can so this doesn't happens again, especially after this chapter.
> 
> I also want thank you guys, you have been the most amazing readers/reviewers ever! When I started this story, not even in my wildest dreams I thought it was going to be so appreciated it. So, you have been doing this ride beyond amazing <3

 

“How have you been?”

For some time now, she had been dreading Abby’s visits even though she was eternally grateful for all she had done for her, especially in the course of the past few years. When Carol’s life fell apart, Abby didn’t hesitate giving everything up to move out to Niagara Falls just to be there for her. _For better or for worse_ , she always said, and oh boy, was Carol having the latter. Abby was all Carol had left and she appreciated it more than she could ever express but at the same time it was terribly stressful having her all over her whenever she came. Keep asking how she was, always expecting that she had made a significant progress when all Carol could feel was getting gradually worse and worse; and with each visit, instead of feeling glad to see her friend, she started to feel stricken since all she could think of was that she was somehow failing her. But not today. Today was the first time that Carol didn’t have to do everything in her power to not sigh tiredly when her best friend asked her the same question.

“I’ve been fine, Abby, you don’t have to worry.”

“ _Fine_?”

The disbelief in her voice prompted Carol to lift her gaze from the table to look at her. “Why is that so unbelievable?,” she scoffed.

“Carol, during all this time, you've never said you are fine whenever I asked you, not once! You either say you are okay which is your neutral mood, that it could be worse or whatever phrasing you can think of that doesn’t involve the word fine.”

“Well, I don’t like lying to you, so if I’m telling you that I’m fine, it’s because I am.”

Carol had expected to see joy on Abby’s face, but her friend was looking at her inquisitively. “They changed your medication again, didn’t they?”

Rolling her eyes, this time, Carol sighed but more with exasperation than anything else. “No, I’m not higher than usual.” _Unless you can count a person as a recreational drug._ Carol had to purse her lips to hide a smile but when Abby let out a bark of laughter, she couldn’t stop it from appearing on her face.

“I had missed your stupid sense of humor,” she reached for Carol’s hand and gave it a hard squeeze. “And whatever it is that has you like this, I’m glad it’s making a difference for you.”

Opening her mouth to speak, Carol was suddenly distracted by movement she caught in the corner of her right eye. She didn’t need to turn around to see _her_ , knowing full well she was going to pass by their table anyway, so she only averted her gaze from her friend to Therese when the young doctor turned to look at her. It was obvious that the woman was in a hurry, but she still took the time to wave at Carol with a charming smile that only grew when the blonde waved back. She then proceeded to make a gesture with her head to Abby in recognition before disappearing through the door.

A small smile was still playing on her lips when Carol turned her attention back to her friend, but upon seeing her curious expression, it vanished completely. “What the hell was that?”

“What was what?,” she knew well enough that playing dumb with Abby wasn’t going to do for a second, but she wasn’t sure if she had an answer to that question.

“Who is she?”

“A new doctor,” she was good with easy questions, if only she could find a way to keep Abby and this conversation on that track.

“I have never in my life seen a doctor like that,” Carol wasn’t sure if Abby was referring to her age or her looks and she narrowed her eyes a bit. “She’s young,” she clarified finally.

“Technically she’s doing her residency at the moment”

“So, technically she’s not a doctor.”

“She _will_ be,” the fervent conviction in her voice earned an intense, searching look from her friend. _Oh no, she’s speculating._

“You like her,” she stated simply, her head tilting to the side, clearly deep in thought, but her eyes never leaving Carol’s.

Carol felt nervous all of a sudden, like a child who had been caught by their parents while doing something that had been forbidden. On the one hand it was so easy to accept that she liked Therese, what was there to not like about her? She was kind-hearted, easy to get along with and there was a special connection between them; Therese understood her in a way that nobody else had before and that made her feel she was not alone. But on the other hand, she knew the way Abby meant it, and she had pondered on the same thing several times while lying in her bed in the dark, waiting for the pills to kick in so she could sleep, only to avoid these thoughts about the subject. It was pointless after all, Therese was her doctor.

She leaned back against her chair, trying to seem calm and nonchalant. “Of course I like her, she’s a good doctor.”

It was Abby’s turn to roll her eyes. “Carol,” she said in a frustrated tone and she felt even more so when her friend said her name in the exact same way. “God, you are such a child.”

Carol snorted. “It takes one to know one.”

“Really? The only thing missing is your tongue sticking out,” she crossed her arms petulantly. “I know what you are trying to do, by the way, but there’s no use since you’re giving yourself away unintentionally.”

Of course she knew, Carol thought while she leaned closer with her elbows on the table and interlaced her fingers to rest her chin over them. They had known each other since they were ten and they developed a strong relationship over the years, up to the point where they knew how the other was feeling by only looking at them. How many times did Abby rescued her from the clutched of boring gentlemen who in reality had nothing gentle about them during even more boring and dull dinner parties? Yes, Carol mastered the art of being seemingly oh so proper and charming to everyone at a young age, but her friend could always see through the carefully crafted mask and notice the fatigue and boredom, forcing her to hide her amused smile behind her glass before making up a good excuse to steal her away. They grew to know each other like no one else so Carol knew that Abby was like a dog with a bone when she caught on something and lately she had also become obsessed with encouraging her to do things to feel _‘normal’_ , so she was convinced the best thing she could do was to put an end to it in this very moment with honesty.

“Listen, Abby, and listen well because this is the first and last time we are going to discuss this. Yes I like, I admit it, I like her much more than only as a doctor. I’ve grown rather fond of her in this short time, she’s my… she’s my friend and I dare to say she’d tell the same… or at least I hope so. But it’s pointless to even think about it any further, do you understand? She’s a doctor and I’m a patient, what you are insinuating is never going to happen. There must be endless of rules against it, it’s not ethical at the very least, but most importantly, she does not see me in that way,” she felt an unexpected pang of disappointment after saying those words.

“Then you must have not paid attention when she looked at you,” she mumbled but Carol heard her anyway and she cursed the butterflies she felt in her stomach.

“I meant it, Abby,” she growled. “Drop the subject.”

“Alright, alright,” she raised her arms in surrender. “I won’t say no more.”

Carol relaxed momentarily, but the seed had already been planted in her brain and she knew that sooner rather than later she would be dissecting her friend’s unfortunate comment. _If only she hadn’t said anything at all_. Letting out a deep sigh, she closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead, as if she was trying to soothe her tired mind, while she asked Abby about what she was up to recently.

 

* * *

  

“The woman I saw you with last week… she’s your friend?” Therese asked in what she wanted to believe was a subtle way. She had actually noticed her before and after that occasion since she used to visit Carol frequently, but the other times the blonde hadn’t seen her.

They were sitting under their tree. There was something that warmed her insides at the thought “their” but Therese tried to dismiss it as much as she could and focus on more important issues. After the first time it was more often than not, that they opted for going outside. Some days they roamed around the garden, stopping by the flower beds when Carol was particularly more distracted than usual before ending up under the tree. Carol loved it, she had a delusive sensation of freedom and Therese was simply thrilled to spend time with the woman without being under curious eyes, which seemed to make Carol more relaxed.

“Abby, yeah. The perpetual pain in my ass,” she said with a fond smile around her lips.

Therese giggled at that but stopped herself soon enough. “She seems nice,” she added.

There was something in Therese’s tone that made Carol feel suddenly uneasy but she tried to cover it with a joke, although she was frowning slightly. “I can introduce you, if you want.” Therese turned to look at her and the sheer expression of shock on her face caused a mix of relief and amusement wash over her.

“What? No! I didn’t meant it in that way!,” she looked so desperate, hurriedly trying to convince Carol that her assumption was far from the truth, it was almost comical.

Carol knew she liked women, Therese had mentioned it by accident after being asked whether she had moved out alone or with someone which led to the young woman talking about her father’s death and that she hadn’t had a relationship since her second year in medical school. She was so engaged in her monologue that she didn't realize she had said _“we broke up because_ she _didn’t want to always come second to my studies and career,”_ until it was too late to take it back. She felt her face getting all flushed and started fidgeting with her hands, but she was gently stopped when Carol laid her hand over them and she raised her head to peek up at her. The blonde was looking at her with kindness and had a lovely smile playing on her lips and Therese kicked away the question in her mind about if they were as soft as they looked; Carol then shrugged and simply said that _“women are truly gorgeous,”_ making Therese laugh and relax immediately.

But she didn’t mean to imply she found Abby gorgeous with her comment and now she was quickly trying to think of a way to clear things up without offending anyone when her thoughts were interrupted with what would become her new favorite sound: Carol’s laugh. It was the first time she heard her laugh and Therese could do nothing else than watch her enthralled. She felt as if time had suddenly slowed down around them so she could follow every little motion with rapt attention: the way Carol threw her head back and how her eyes crinkled with real amusement, and the sound… that rich and husky sound that was ringing in her ears causing her the same delight she felt upon listening to her favorite melody. She was a vision and it took her breath away. When Carol finally settled her eyes on her, she could feel her cheeks heat up so she lowered her face in an attempt to hide her blush, but Carol misunderstood the gesture and she stopped laughing to apologize and ensure that she wasn’t laughing at her.

“No, no! I wasn’t thinking that,” and she could guarantee that she wouldn’t have had a problem with it if Carol had been laughing at her as long as she laughed. She put her hand on Carol’s knee in assurance. “Really, that thought didn’t cross my mind, not even for a second.” Carol observed her in silence for what seemed like an eternity in a scrutinizing way until she smiled, nodding softly and Therese suddenly remembered what they were talking about before she got distracted. “By the way, uhm, just to be clear, I don’t like your friend in that way,” she said awkwardly, making Carol laugh again and therefore her heart skipped a beat.

“Yeah, I could tell as much judging by your shocked expression. She would be crushed if she knew.”

Therese’s eyes widened. “I mean, she’s very pretty but she’s not my type, not that I know what exactly my type is but I know she’s not, I mean… my God that came out horribly, right? I...,” she was interrupted by a single finger against her lips.

She didn’t even notice but at one point Carol had moved closer and she was sitting in front of her now, grinning and her eyes lit with amusement. “I was joking, Therese. Relax.”

The young woman wasn’t sure whether Carol’s smile, the slender finger touching her lips or perhaps the tender way she called her name would be the reason, but she was certain she was going to faint at any moment if her galloping heart was any indication. _It’s too much for a mere mortal like me_. When Carol eventually withdrew her finger, Therese took a much needed deep breath and shut her eyes for a few seconds to regain her control over her bodily functions and somehow keep it together in front of the other woman. She couldn’t help but think that things were getting out of hand on her part; she shouldn’t allow this, she shouldn’t be _feeling_ the way she does. She was behaving unprofessional, unethical and she was completely unable to resist these reactions and her attraction towards Carol. She should see reason, she should do what’s right and right was to put a stop to this… whatever this is.

Carol gulped, didn’t quite believing what she had just done. After Abby’s words,  _God damn her_ , she couldn’t stop thinking about it. Every night she argued with herself to no end, knowing full well that there was absolutely no point in trying to confirm what her friend said yet every time she saw Therese, unwittingly, she paid more attention to her every gesture. And what if the girl beamed at her and laughed at her stupid jokes or reached out to put a hand over hers in a comforting manner at every opportunity? So yeah, Therese seemed to appreciate her as a person and enjoy the time she spent with her, but that didn’t mean she felt attracted to her, she _couldn't_ possibly feel that way. Carol was convinced that she was just being friendly, but that didn’t help to stop the ecstatic reaction she had at such gestures and every time she cursed Abby for putting the idea of something more in her head, as if it wasn’t difficult enough to keep fighting about how _she_ felt.

Sighing, Carol returned to her place next to Therese, pretending that nothing extraordinary occurred between them. Neither said a word, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence even when each of them was lost in their thoughts trying to battle against them in order to do what was right. Then Therese remembered suddenly and pulled out a book from her satchel, passing it to Carol who opened it at the first fold. The young woman had been reading it after work or before sleep whenever she had time, but after they started to pass their time outside more often than not, she decided to take it with her one day, along with her notebook and some paperwork. While Carol continued with her drawing, she read or more like cast sideway glances at the woman under the pretense of reading. On one occasion, she could feel Carol watching over her shoulder, her gaze aimed at the page she was on, so Therese instinctively moved the book closer to her so she could be able to read it too, until the woman complained of not understanding a single thing which then led to Therese handing her the book so she could read it from the start and catch up with her.

Meanwhile, Therese leaned back against the tree with her head slightly turned and tilted, what she wanted to believe was an inconspicuous position to keep watching Carol, smiling affectionately when she saw her lips silently moving, something she usually did after reaching an interesting part in the book. Their silences were frequently broken by Carol who wanted to discuss something about the story but somehow these conversations always diverted from the initial subject and they ended up talking about all kind of things, with Carol putting down the book on the grass between them, so she could lean back too and keep eye contact with her. And today was no exception.

Carol sighed, relaxed, a soft smile appearing on her lips. “It’s refreshing that someone can be around me and treat me like a normal human being, not like a patient, without being afraid.”

“Why should I be afraid of you?,” she asked as she took the book to put it back into her satchel.

Carol let out a laugh, thinking the young woman was surely joking but when she turned to look at her, she was able to recognize the sincere lack of knowledge in Therese’s open expression, making her freeze from the shock and the realization hit like a bucket of cold water thrown at her. _She doesn’t know. She doesn’t know. She doesn’t know._ The words echoed in her mind like fragment of lyrics coming from a broken recorder.

Carol’s eyes widened before closing with anguish, feeling her world starting to crumble and collapse around her once again. _Of course she doesn’t know. It makes sense now. It all makes sense now. How could you be so naîve? Do you really thought someone could ever like you if they knew? No! They wouldn’t and rightly so. You don’t deserve someone’s affection after what you did! You deserve nothing after what you did! No, no, no, you deserve suffering for what you did! You deserve punishment for what you did! I would say you deserve to die for what you did but I'm sure you would consider that as a good thing and you deserve quite the opposite for the rest of your life. You created this hell and you don't deserve a way out._

She stood up abruptly, stumbling from the dizziness the sudden move caused but needing to put some distance between them, and she hugged herself tightly, circling her arms around her midsection, feeling the familiar sensation of discomfort in her stomach and as if walls were rising around her, trapping her in a cage with no trees or sun or oxygen or Therese. She found she was struggling to breathe. _What a fucking idiot you were, Carol, what a fucking idiot! Deluding yourself, believing that you could have some kind of happiness, that you still have a right for some happiness when you only deserve misery and suffering and pain._ She rested her forehead against the tree, lowering her head so her face couldn’t be seen as she felt her eyes burning with tears and she didn’t pay any attention to the sound of Therese getting to her feet cautiously

“Carol?,” her voice was trembling despite her best efforts, worried beyond imagination for the other woman. She made a tentative step to get closer without alarming her even more but she didn't show any sign of being aware of her.

 _You pathetic fool. You are a real embarrassment. You scum of earth. You only serve to ruin the good things in your life but thankfully you won’t be able to do that with her_. Carol clenched her closed eyes painfully tight, trying to make everything disappear and not succumb to the urge to vomit, feeling the bile rising in her throat. What she wanted the most was to run and not say a word to Therese, being selfish to keep enjoying the illusory joy she had been experiencing with her, but she didn’t deserve that. The last thing she could do was to be as honest as Therese had been with her personal life. It would mean the end of whatever this had been, but Therese didn’t deserve to be kept in the dark for a second longer, it was actually unreal that she didn’t know about it and she didn’t deserve to waste her time on someone like her and she definitely didn’t deserve someone as wonderful as Therese.

When Carol finally lifted her head, she was panting and could feel herself shaking from cold and sweating feverishly at the same time. She took some time to take in Therese’s expression bitterly, knowing that this was going to be the last time she saw the worry and caring in her eyes, that after this confession she would look at her as everyone else who knew did: with judgment and disgust. Therese could see the tears streaming down Carol’s cheeks and the raw distress in her expression was enough to bring tears to her own eyes. She wanted to go and hug her, not caring that Carol probably wouldn’t allow it, the only thing in her mind was the impulse to comfort her in a way, in any way, to absorb a part of her pain so she wouldn’t have to deal with it alone. But when Carol opened her mouth, an unexpected shiver ran through her body, somehow knowing what was going to happen will change everything with no chance to prevent it.

It proved to be a real challenge trying to speak when she was choking between sobs, but after a few tries, Carol finally managed to pronounce the words that hadn’t stopped tormenting her over the last few years. “I killed my daughter, Therese.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... I did that   
> Shout out to the people that were thinking it had something to do with Rindy, you were close but as you can see, you were missing the key point.
> 
> I want to remind you some things before making the row to punch me:  
> • I know you have a lot of questions (?) and there will be answers but I can't give them all at once. This is barely the beginning of the complicated Carol's situation, bear with me.  
> • Future Carol and Therese of this fic are willing to defend me if you want to do more than punch me, so... :P


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure you guys are already aware but I want to remind you that I'm not a real psychiatrist :P although I do have been making research for the fic, but most likely some of the things are going to be manipulated in order for the story.

 

Time had become irrelevant to her. She couldn’t perceive how long she had been laying in bed, still staring blankly at the ceiling. Ten minutes? An hour or two? Even more? It rarely ever happened to her but Therese completely lost sense of time and now she wished she could lose sense of reality too. When she had finally got to her apartment her eyes were puffy and rimmed red from crying on the way home. She was practically dragging herself to the sanctuary of her bedroom, only stopping to drop her satchel on the couch. She collapsed on her bed with her face down, pressing it firmly into the mattress, and remained in that position until it became too hard to breathe. After she eventually rolled over she fixed her eyes on a point of the ceiling, trying to steel herself and calm her racing mind, but it proved to be futile as all she could see was Carol’s pained expression, the image burned itself sharply into her memory.

_“I killed my daughter, Therese.”_

Therese closed her eyes and sighed, devastated at the unprofessional way she had acted. Perhaps the most decisive moment in her life, definitely her most decisive moment as a psychiatrist, and she had totally blown it. After Carol’s confession, a tense and heavy silence fell between them and she knew she should have done something, said something, anything… instead she felt like she had been paralyzed because she was unable to move, to step forward, to do anything other than standing rooted to the spot and her mind had gone completely blank. She helplessly watched Carol taking off in the direction of the Center after a last look so full of panic and sorrow that her own heart was breaking too and when Therese finally felt herself coming back to her senses, it was already late since Carol was nowhere to be seen.

She quickly collected her belongings then all but ran back to the entrance, silently cursing herself over and over again during her way to the building. It’s gotten late, far past her working hours even, but she waved off Genevieve’s slightly worried look as she hurriedly passed the reception. She needed to find Carol and say something to her, even if she had absolutely nothing prepared in mind, she needed to get to her and let her know in whatever way, that nothing had changed between them… well, of course it had but not in the way Carol thought so.

However, her plans were thwarted when she was intercepted by Dr. Tucker not two seconds later. A dreadful sensation filled her stomach the moment he looked at her and made a beckoning gesture with two fingers to follow him so they weren’t standing in the middle of the lobby. He sighed in what Therese thought was a displeased way before telling her that she should go home and they would talk tomorrow first thing in the morning. She wanted to argue, to be as brave as when she had told him that she would go outside with Carol despite his disapproval but now she felt all her courage slipping away so she simply lowered her head and nodded, biting her lower lip to avoid making a scene.

All that progress they had achieved even if it was relatively small, all those conversations in the garden under their tree, all those smiles and hand holding and book sharing seemed suddenly so distant, so unreal, so far, far away. She could still feel the warmth of her hand in her own, the smoothness of her skin, she could still hear Carol’s delightful laugh ringing in her ears with unexpected clarity but now it seemed as if worlds separated them and she had no idea how to fix it.

On her way home, she tried telling herself that it was a good sign that Dr. Tucker had told her they would talk, he even smiled in a reassuring kind of way before she decided to leave but the tears showed up anyway, forcing her to stop at the side of the road. She wasn’t sure why she was crying, for what Carol has been going through or because she had screwed up everything when she failed her both as a doctor an as her friend. Perhaps that was the problem, that she tried to be both.

Despite being mentally and emotionally exhausted, she willed herself to stand up so she could take out Carol’s medical record from under the mattress where she’d tucked it away on her first day, all those months ago. She was angry beyond imagination with herself for following Dr. Tucker’s ridiculous suggestion of not reading the file. What was she even doing? How could she imagine helping this poor woman without knowing the essentials about her? Why did she choose to do this? She should have been thinking of Carol, she should have been her priority since the first moment but instead she focused on her desire to prove herself now that she was out of the University and in the real world. And afterwards instead of doing the only acceptable thing, treating her with the best of her abilities she was only determined to become someone who made a difference in Carol’s life. _Your duty was to be her doctor, not her friend. How could you forget the most important rule of not develop a personal relationship with a patient?_ She hadn’t realized until now just how selfish and unprofessional she had been but the discovery shook her to the core. Her lower lip quivered as she tried to force back the tears threatening to fall again and she shut her eyes firmly to get a hold of herself and calm down. _Stop it, stop crying, you screwed up, now stop whining and do something to mend things_.

Once calm and in a comfortable position, she finally opened the damn folder while rubbing her sore eyes gently with her other hand. After a few seconds of rapid blinking she sighed and reached for her reading glasses that laid on the nightstand; her eyes had always been sensitive and all that crying only made it worse. Therese gave a quick glimpse at the words, she was going to read it slowly, taking in every little detail, but she needed to know the diagnosis right away. There had to be a reason why Carol was in a mental hospital instead of jail after all and even if she had an idea the sooner she found out the better, she was already way too late. Besides, she didn’t wanted to take anything for granted at this point.

She frowned slightly when she reached the part she was looking for, the words that confirmed what she had been thinking. DIAGNOSIS: DISSOCIATIVE AMNESIA. In other words, Carol didn’t remember having performed the act and according to the entries, she had only been able to recall some details by having been under hypnosis and the consequences were so harsh for her that the process had only been carried out once. It made sense that Carol’s brain had shut out something as horrible as that but Therese felt uneasy for some inexplicable reason and not because she thought that Carol was a killer instead of mentally ill, but she couldn’t ignore her gut instincts telling her that there was something missing here.

_Don’t be silly, you are just exhausted, once you read this in detail, everything will fall into place._ She rubbed her neck while tilting her head from side to side, trying to relieve some of the tension she felt before starting to read the entire file from the beginning.

She learnt that Carol had been admitted almost immediately after the event occurred. It was Abby who brought her in since Carol’s ex-husband wanted nothing more than to throw her in jail, not believing her desperate attempts at claiming that she couldn’t remember anything. Her friend on the other hand had seen instantly that something wasn’t right with her and she [being Carol’s legal attorney no less] had managed to put a hold on Harge Aird’s plans in time to bring her here. It wasn’t difficult to prove that Carol was indeed telling the truth after that.

The first year had been the most atrocious, to the point where Carol had been kept high on drugs for several weeks to make her unresponsive because she tried to hurt herself, luckily without success, in whatever way she could. Therese had to pause to take a deep breath, unable to stop her mind from conjuring up the terrible visions of what would have happened if Carol hadn’t had Abby all along. In all honesty Therese only knew bits and pieces about her but she suddenly felt a pang of gratitude towards the woman, if it wasn't for her, Carol could be in jail or she could even be… she closed her eyes tightly, trying to not go there. _She’s not, she’s right here and she needs you._ She snorted as she turned pages, realizing how ironic the thought was because she felt so lost right now as if she had lost the very thing that kept her balanced. _Who needs who?_

Carol had been on an arduous path while discovering which methods were the most effective for her, with Electroconvulsive Therapy as a key element. Therese knew well that using that was no way as dangerous as before but she still shuddered. Her professional side understood the doctor’s reasoning behind the choice of treatment, but her personal, the one that cared for Carol more than she could have ever expected, couldn’t help but feel like they had erased who she had been once. Or at least tried to because Therese was sure that she got to see how Carol had been before the incident during their afternoons outside, the joyful and relaxed woman enjoying the most simple of things and she ached imagining the possibility of losing the spark that made her who she truly was.

Actually, she was certain that at one point it happened, Carol had been in such a terrible place that she had allowed to lose herself by not having any reason to fight. It would have been easy to get rid of her essence and have an empty shell, but Therese had seen glimpses, knowing it hadn’t been lost completely. She just hoped that Carol could still find some strength to hold on a little longer, tomorrow morning she would go and talk to her and let her know she could still count on her without a doubt.

_I don’t have plans to give up on you, not ever._ Therese laid down in the bed, putting the folder on her chest and crossing her arms over it in sort of hug. She closed her eyes, mostly to stop herself from crying again as she thought of all the terrors and suffering Carol had been going through, in some way, alone. Yes, she had Abby but she knew that Carol had never really let her in when it came to this situation. And it wasn’t fair that such wonderful woman had to live like this... but when had life proved to be fair?

 

* * *

  

“You look like hell.”

Therese was hoping she wouldn’t run into anyone, at least until she could see and talk to Carol, but that was wishful thinking considering that Genevieve was always rooted at the reception. “You sure know what to say to a girl,” she replied sarcastically.

“You have Richard for that.”

Therese rolled her eyes with annoyance. On a good day it was still something that would enervate her but now that she barely got a wink of sleep, she wasn’t in the mood to talk, let alone think about him so she let her know by puffing her cheeks, a clear sign of irritation, instead of cracking a joke of her own, making fun of how clueless he was.

“Are you okay?,” there was true concern in her voice and Therese felt suddenly guilty.

“Yeah, sorry, just tired,” she started walking towards the Staff Room to drop off her thing when Genevieve made her stop again.

“Dr. Tucker told me to remind you to go to his office, immediately,” she winced a little as she emphasized the last word.

Therese clenched her jaw to not snap at her or say something she shouldn’t, Genevieve was only the messenger after all, and most importantly her friend she wouldn’t want to hurt. So she smiled and thanked her, saying that she would go after leaving her things in her locker. It wasn’t the complete truth of course, and she did feel bad for lying but she didn’t want to put her in trouble. Yes, she was going to go to Dr. Tucker for sure, but not before seeing Carol. She had spent a sleepless night thinking about how she would go about this conversation and she was as ready as she could be. If only the possible outcome didn’t seem so gloomy.

And yes, she was seeing her in a new and darkest aspect but in Therese’s mind nothing had changed. She was still Carol. The Carol who sheepishly smiled when she complimented her, the Carol who pouted adorably [although she tried to hide it] when it was time to part for the day, the Carol whose eyes lit up whenever she could make Therese smile, the Carol who often made her think that she was behaving completely inappropriately every time she thought the other woman was magnificent or when they touched, making her feel an electric sensation shoot through her that she craved to prolong, the Carol that made her heart beat as if she was running a marathon when she saw her.

Therese rested her forehead against the locker’s door after closing it once she put her things inside. Last night, she finally accepted what she had been denying for a while now, that Carol was so much more than a patient for her. _Friend_ , she tried to tell herself once again, for the hundredths time maybe, but she knew that word, as heartwarming as it was, fell short conveying what she really felt. _Why this? Why me? Why her out of everyone? No, stop it, this is not the time for this_. It was a problem to lament on later, right now she needed to go and find Carol before Dr. Tucker noticed her absence and started suspecting something.

For once she seemed to have luck on her side because she barely left the room when she saw Carol walking towards her. She momentarily felt helpless, hopeless even. She had thought about it in great detail how she would approach her and what she would say but now it seemed too soon, she was not prepared, once again she felt words leave her as the memories of the previous day came back in a rush and she found herself standing muted and still, unable to do anything but watch. _Coward_. However, when Carol passed her without even sparing a glance in her direction, it was enough to bring her back to reality.

“Carol,” she sounded much much hesitant what she would have liked but the woman still stopped and turned to her. Several alarms went off in her when she met with eyes full of curiosity instead of any of the emotions she had expected, but she ignored it. “I was wondering if I could talk with you for a second.”

Carol frowned, turning quickly the nurse who accompanied her before settling her eyes back at her, utterly confused. “Excuse me, do I know you?,” and Therese felt as if the air had been knocked from her lungs.

 

* * *

  

“Electroconvulsive Therapy?!”

It was the nurse accompanying Carol who told her. Therese guessed her expression must have been bordering on shocked and frantic because after a torturous silence, she felt a firm hand grabbing her arm and she couldn’t help the fleeting hope it was Carol’s, only to be disappointed when she saw the nurse standing closer to her while Carol kept her distance and eyed her warily. She was watching her too from the corner of her eye while she listened to the nurse’s explanation, nodding in understanding although she felt like this was a nightmare and she hoped to wake up soon. She watched them go afterwards, trying to not take personally that Carol didn’t pay attention to her beyond getting addressed directly.

“That’s why I wanted you to talk to _me_ first.”

“I- it wasn’t on purpose, I ran into her while I was coming here,” Therese gestured wildly as she tried to sell her point. It wasn’t a lie after all, and he didn’t needed to know about her plans, especially when they didn’t go as expected.

“Well, I assume that you read her file,” he watched Therese running her hands over her face in desperation, then giving the slightest of nods. “Then you know that Electroconvulsive Therapy has been part of her treatment. Fortunately, it’s not something I use that often save for the beginning, it’s reserved for only those occasions when she has a bad episode, which she had yesterday.”

Therese felt the guilt enveloping her like a blanket that had been submerged in ice cold water. She knew it wasn’t her fault, but she just couldn’t get rid of the feeling that she was the only one to blame for what Carol was going through at the moment. And what made things worse was that she couldn’t even be with her in a comforting way; it had been clear, after the way Carol reacted to her, that she would feel more threatened by her presence that anything else.

“Her memory will return in a few days. It's a common side effect that occurs,” he claimed with confidence when she didn’t offer a single word of reply, far too relaxed for Therese's liking. Although truth be told, Dr. Tucker was a more than competent doctor and Carol had been under the procedure several times, coming out ‘unscathed’ of it, in the sense of the word that at least none of the permanent side effects had ever happened. But he acted like it was a simple casualty and it bothered her immensely.

“Then what’s the point of doing it?,” she burst it out with more ferocity that she had ever shown in his presence. She couldn’t keep her mouth shut this time, not that she wanted to. What she wanted were answers to her question but she wasn’t sure she would get them from him.

“Are you questioning my treatment?,” there was a hint of indignation in his voice and Therese was surprised when she felt strangely victorious for cracking his cool appearance.

_Yes._ She couldn’t get rid of that uneasy feeling in the back of her mind, telling her something didn’t add up about this case, even after reading Carol’s file several times. “No, it’s honest curiosity. I have always wondered what the point of Electroconvulsive Therapy is when patients are going to remember everything after a while,” she was amazed at how easily it was lying to him but there was a reason why she was acting with naiveté, after all, he loved to brag about his job and it was the best way to draw his attention away from her.

“It’s not about forgetting, Dr. Belivet.” Of course it wasn’t, if that was the case, then an electric shock would be the answer for every mental disease, she thought, blinking slowly as the desire to roll her eyes was growing by the second. “And not everyone reacts to the drugs as we would like them to. In Carol’s case, there are times when her brain won’t stop sending these particular images as if she was reliving the event over and over again at that very moment and she gets so worked up under those circumstances that her regular medication do not have any effect. We need something to work as quickly as possible and that’s why I shut her brain off, it gives me the time to calm her, a few days to remind her that the traumatic event belongs to the past, trying to make her realize that what happened was an unfortunate result of her disease. It’s like a much needed reset when nothing else works to guide her back to the path that worked.”

Therese sighed deeply, pretending to digest what he had just said. What she really wanted to do was to go home to be able to think things through and get some rest. She didn’t care about psychiatry at the moment, she didn’t want to hear Dr. Tucker’s lecture about something she already knew exactly how it worked even when she had asked. “Makes sense,” she muttered the words she knew he would love to hear, rubbing her forehead tiredly. “So, umm, now what?,” she was nervous to hear his reply, fearing that Carol’s case would be taken from her.

“I think we should wait until she remembers you. Not because I think you won’t be able to handle this, but for Carol’s sake.”

Therese nodded, relieved to know that she would have the chance to fix things with her, but sad at the fact that she would have to wait who knows how much time. After a moment of silence, she knew that there wasn’t anything else to say and she headed to the door, giving him a politely head gesture of farewell.

“This wasn’t your fault, you know.”

She wasn’t sure if it was her protectiveness of Carol that made her be on the defensive or if there really was an unsaid ‘but’ in his words; either way Therese stopped with her hand over the doorknob, gripping it tightly while she frowned. _Yes it was, for following your instructions_. She also wasn’t an idiot, she knew he was blaming her in a way, especially after the conversation they had when she wanted to take Carol outside the first time. He hadn’t seemed to be open to the idea so she wouldn’t be surprised if he put the blame on that, even when there hadn’t been any sign that Carol was having a negative response to it. She had to bite down hard on her tongue to not say out loud any of this and only gave him a meek _“I know”_ , before opening the door and leaving the office.

It was clear to her that Dr. Tucker saw himself as the alpha at the hospital, especially when the rest of the staff inadvertently treated him as such and she had no problem pretending to be one of them, she could pretend to play his game and give him what he expected from her to be able to remain close to Carol. Two could play a game after all. Though she wasn’t even sure if there was a game in the first place. Perhaps Dr. Tucker’s twisted form of pleasure was only to see if Therese could find out what had occurred with Carol on her own and now that she knew, he would find the situation dull and boring, leaving it at that. But she still couldn’t get rid of the alarming sensation she was carrying from the previous day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Essential things in this one. Perhaps now you have a clearer idea of where it's heading.  
> And Carol _will_ remember, I don't want you guys worrying about that while you wait for the next chapter ;)


	8. Chapter 8

It took Carol almost six days to get her memory back and when she finally did the first image that came to her mind of the time lost was Therese’s crestfallen expression when she didn’t recognize her, forcing her to close her eyes as a single drop of tear ran down her cheek. She also felt the surprising sensation of relief flooding her upon getting her memories back and that was new. The first time the doctors decided to try electroconvulsive therapy, they warned her about the slight but possible risk of losing her memory permanently; there was a low percentage of it actually happening, a few cases here and there, but they had to inform her nevertheless. Not that she cared. She  _wanted_   to forget and not because she wanted to forget her daughter, forget that she ever existed so she shouldn’t have to deal with the consequences, no. But every single memory of her, even the happiest ones, had been tainted by what she had done, trapping her in a state of everlasting anguish and as much as she knew she deserved it, it was too much to bear. 

She already knew she was a bad mother, wanting to forget only added confirmation to the fact but when it didn't happen, she took it as the universe’s way to punish her even more for it. In the hospital they were trying to teach her different coping mechanisms so she could live in spite of the unfortunate event, but she didn’t think it would ever be possible. It was easy to talk about moving forward when they had no idea how it felt was to carry a tragedy like this for the rest of their lives. During her first year at the hospital it was an everyday occurrence that she woke up sobbing hysterically, still reeling from the dreams of her daughter laughing and happy and alive, and ended up having a nervous breakdown as the delightful but deceiving images slipped away one by one, leaving only emptiness and guilt in their wake. She felt like she was losing her mind day after day by trying to make some sense of this madness, unable to comprehend that it was her life, it was what it had become; until one day everything stopped, giving way to numbness and making her more _‘cooperative’_ according to the hospital staff. 

And yes, it was much easier to feel empty, losing the ability to react appropriately and letting the apathy swallow her completely; it felt like something was sucking the life out of her and she had no intention of stopping it. The only response they could get from her was by bringing up the subject of her daughter, that was always followed by strong reactions, but after a while it felt like she finally embraced the situation because she didn’t go beyond frowning and somehow, slowly but surely, she got through each day, one at a time. 

Now with Therese’s arrival, she noticed that everything felt so raw again lately. Both the good and the bad. But even though her head was spinning from a raging torrent of conflicting thoughts and emotions, she knew that she didn’t want to forget anymore and she wept against her pillow, recalling those days with sorrow when she wanted to do so fervently. How did she even dare to think about it? To desire it? How could she possibly believe that everything would be better if she simply forgot about her daughter? 

She stood from her bed with determination, wanting to start the day as soon as possible instead of allowing her mind to torture her for hours. She usually didn’t need much time getting ready and dressing herself but today was an exception. She actually put some effort into moistening her eyes in an attempt to make the puffiness and redness disappear. It was a painstakingly slow process since her mirror had been taken  _‘just in case’_ and she couldn’t see what she was doing. That was the thing, Carol thought cursing under her breath, you seem all put together so you earn certain luxuries, but the moment you start showing any sign of instability, everything vanishes. 

Once she was satisfied with the time invested in making herself presentable she went to the window, trying without considerable success, to look at the final result. Well, she couldn’t have possibly messed it up any further, so however she looked, she decided, would do. Her mind was set on something more important anyway, the plan formulating in her head about how she could take advantage of this current situation. Therese stayed away and that could only mean that Dr. Tucker had advised her to do so because during the previous days, although she couldn't fathom why at the moment, she had seen the young doctor looking at her from time to time, only to divert her gaze, shyly, once was caught. Now Carol knew she wasn’t afraid of her, that much was clear, but she couldn’t help the bitter thought that she should be and she should also end whatever relationship they had developed. But Therese, the pure and loving and naïve soul that she was, will most definitely not do that so Carol must take it up on herself. She has to keep her distance and push her away for Therese’s own sake because this way she won’t have the chance to ruin her, unlike everything and everyone precious in her life, and for that, she would have to pretend that she hadn’t got her memory back yet.

 

* * *

  

It was proving to be much more difficult than she thought it would be though, looking at Therese with a blank expression every time they ended up in the same place and refraining from showing any reaction. It would have been easier to pay no attention to her if she didn’t _feel_ Therese’s presence whenever she walked into a room. She didn’t even need to look at her direction, she would be randomly talking to someone or doodling in her new sketchbook Abby gave her when she last visited, when suddenly the fine hairs on the back of her neck stood up, alerting her about the presence of the young woman. And Carol couldn’t help but delight in the way she pursed her lips in concentration or tucked her hair behind her ear when she was particularly agitated before being forced to avert her eyes and pretend she hadn’t been looking when she sensed that Therese was going to turn her head towards her. It soon got incredibly tiring, always keeping herself in check around the other woman so she decided to spend some time, more like hide away, in the Library, because for all she knew, Therese wasn’t frequent to that place so she could avoid running into her just for a little while. 

She was sitting in an armchair with a book on the armrest and her legs folded under herself, so engrossed in her reading that this time she wasn’t aware of a certain presence until it was too late. “In your attempts to make yourself look clueless, you ruined your facade.” 

Carol’s eyes widened with surprise and she licked her lips nervously before raising her head to look at Therese who was standing in front of her with her arms crossed. “Excuse me?,” she managed to sound truly confused, but when she saw Therese frowning, she knew it had been in vain. 

“Don’t. Don’t do that. Do you really think I’m an idiot?” 

“What? No! Of course not,” it was her turn to frown. 

“Then why are you treating me like one?,” she saw Carol slowly closing the book and stretching her legs to sit up properly, clearly trying to steal a few more seconds to come up with a valid excuse. “Because I noticed it right away when your memory returned, you are not as good as you think you are at deceiving me, but I decided to wait for you to reach out at your own pace, until I realized that I could be waiting forever if I didn’t do anything.” 

“Therese…,” she sighed, closing her eyes. How could she explain that she was doing this for Therese’s own good and not her own? For God’s sake, she was willing to give up the one person who made her feel alive again after all these years only to save her from herself. If she didn’t care, she would have no trouble spending time with her, ignoring the possibility of poisoning her too. But she did care, so much it tore her apart. “It’s complicated.”

“Really?,” she sounded truly skeptical and the way her eyebrows furrowed added more emphasis to her perplexed expression. “Because the last time we talked, your only worry seemed to be that I was afraid of you and that’s not complicated at all, we can clear it up right now. Do I look afraid, Carol?” 

If it had been someone else, Carol would have reacted with putting her walls up in defense, or lashing out in anger at the straightforward approach but coming from Therese she felt a strange satisfaction at the fact that she wasn’t treating her like a delicate flower like everyone else did, especially after what happened earlier. She whispered a soft  _“no”_ but she stood up to put some distance between them when she felt her resolve crumbling. “But that’s not the point.” 

“Then what is the point, Carol?” 

She inwardly cursed when she heard the vulnerability in Therese’s voice, all that previous boldness completely vanished, making it much more difficult to turn this conversation into the direction she wanted to. She was doing all this pretending to avoid precisely these kind of situations, but here she was now with all her plans out of the window and completely overcome by the desire to hug and comfort the young woman. She crossed an arm over her stomach, using it as a support for her other arm so she could rub the bridge of her nose. “This is not going to work,” she wasn’t certain if she was answering Therese’s question or if she was referring to the distance she tried so hard to put between them. There was a frenzied battle between wanting versus reasoning within her, and as much as she willed herself to see reason she wasn’t sure it would be the winning side. 

Carol’s breathe hitched though she did everything in her power to contain her emotions as much as she could since the last thing she wanted at that moment was Therese coming closer to her, she was already way too overwhelmed by just them being together and talking again, but as if she was reading her mind, the doctor took a tentative step towards her. “Carol, please, if you would just let me-” 

“No, I don’t think so. You have no fucking idea what you do to me,” she let out a bitter, humorless laugh as she backed away a few steps to put a much needed distance between them. 

Therese froze upon hearing those words and her heart started beating nervously. There were only two ways to take this, in the good way or the bad way, and she was sure that Carol had meant them in both. Her resigned expression was a clear giveaway. This was the answer to the question that had been keeping her awake for the last couple of weeks before everything fell apart. She had tried to conceal it in front of Carol to avoid any confrontation but she couldn’t keep lying to herself and deny the deep attraction she felt for the woman. Over and over again, she had admonished herself for it, wishing the feeling disappear because she knew it wasn’t right. She was Carol’s doctor first and foremost and even though she didn’t even act on her attraction in any way, she felt like she already crossed a line. Well, she probably did if she thought back on her actions, but she was sure she wouldn't go any further. 

But after every second spent with Carol, she knew there was no way to stop this, whatever it was, and for a while she had been thrilled watching her body language when they were together until she saw her with Abby. She was rushing back to one of the Day Rooms when she caught of them having a moment, they were hugging tightly, clinging to each other while saying their goodbyes and Abby stroking Carol’s hair tenderly, and in seemed to be such a loaded and intimate embrace that it made her think that perhaps she had misread everything. She felt stupid when she was overcome by an upsetting sensation, she was used to be so in control of her emotions that this reaction completely threw her off balance. It was not only the jealousy but the anger at herself because what right did she have to feel like that? Carol and she only had a professional relationship, perhaps with a light touch of friendship but nothing else. No matter how much she liked Carol, she wasn’t going to be delusional and start making wild assumptions based on some observations of body language and other reactions. But now she was had the confirmation that she hadn’t been wrong. 

Watching Carol beginning to walk away was enough to pull her out of her reverie. She had made the mistake of letting her go once before speaking her mind and she wasn’t planning to repeat that nonsense again so she quickly strode forward and grabbed her by the wrist gently but purposefully at the same time and Carol was so stunned by the action that she didn’t even try to yank her hand free.  _To hell with not crossing the line for once_. She knew this was going to have consequences, either good or bad, or maybe both, that remained to be seen, but she just couldn’t stay with folded arms. 

“That also works in both ways, Carol,” she was whispering since the last thing she wanted was to make a scene and ruin her opportunity to talk by drawing attention to them. “You have no idea what you do to me. You can’t even wrap your mind about the possibility because you are so convinced that you don’t deserve anything good, that you don’t even dare to believe that someone can care… that someone can  _feel_ this way for you,” she didn’t know where this sudden surge of courage was coming from but she could only hope it wasn’t leaving her anytime soon. “But you are so worth it, Carol, that if you could be in my shoes for just one second, you would realize it and also how amazing you truly are.” 

She released Carol’s wrist without looking away from her face. To say Carol was dumbstruck was an understatement and Therese wanted to laugh. It was either that or breaking down crying right there and then. But she merely smiled sadly as she turned to leave the room, thinking that sooner rather than later, she would regret this fleeting moment of bravery, in fact she was starting to feel it already. Being this honest with Carol was never among her plans, but desperate times called for desperate measures. This time going slow wouldn’t have worked, especially if Carol was determined to follow through with her idea that they were better off without each other. If Therese kept her distance or allowed her to work at her own pace, Carol would have isolated herself, she just knew it. That was why laying her cards on the table had been her only option even when she knew that everything became more complicated when there were feelings involved.

 

* * *

 

It had been a week since her conversation with Carol and Therese was convinced that this time their relationship was over for good. She put her heart on a silver platter and there was nothing else left she could do, the ball was in Carol’s court and the obvious indifference at her words in the following days started to hurt so much that this time she was actually grateful that they were avoiding each other. She let out a deep sigh, closing her eyes and resting her head against the tree trunk. It was the only place where she could be at peace in the Center, knowing that the risk of being found would come from a person who wouldn’t dare to venture to that part of the gardens. 

She had her headphones on, listening to her playlist on a higher volume than usual, trying to shut out the real world as much as she could, she had already enough with the relentless thoughts occupying her mind. She wasn’t sure how much time she had spent like that but she was beginning to feel sleepy when she felt one of the earphones being removed from her ear, making her frown with her eyes still closed. Her first thought was that somehow Richard had found out about the place, he had the particularly frustrating talent of ruining her quiet moments after all, but when she opened her eyes, all trace of annoyance disappeared from her expression.

Carol was crouched in front of her, one hand on the ground to keep her balance while the other was still holding the earphone. She looked sheepish and somewhat paler than usual but she didn’t break eye contact with Therese and the young woman was sure that this was the first time she was witnessing Carol letting herself be completely vulnerable around someone since she was here. The day she had told her about her daughter, she was utterly broken, hurting and defeated, someone who had already lost everything but now she looked like a person who was about to lose everything. She could see it in her eyes, the fear of confirming her suspicions, the desperation to avoid it and Therese only wanted to wrap her arms around her, telling her that everything was okay even when she felt completely overwhelmed by her presence. 

“Hey,” she said softly, afraid that a loud noise would be enough to break this spell. 

Carol’s lower lip trembled and she lowered her gaze for a second while she clenched her fingers around the earphone before smiling weakly at her. “Hey.” 

Therese didn’t knew how to address the situation since she couldn’t stop thinking about the probability of Carol running away at the first misstep. Should she say something about the elephant in the room or act like it never happened? But Carol had chosen to come to her and that had to mean something. “How are you?,” she smiled at her warmly. 

“I’m not quite sure yet. May I?,” she gestured to the patch next to Therese with her head. 

“Yes, absolutely,” she moved a bit to the side even though it wasn’t necessary. 

Carol sat down next to her, grasping her thigh quickly when she lost her balance at the same time Therese caught her by the elbow. Their eyes locked again and this time they didn’t look away until they shared a chuckle after spending more time than it would have been appropriate in that position. They were sitting in a tense but comfortable silence [which made Therese feel relieved because some things definitely hadn't changed], the music still coming from the headphones only providing some faint background noises neither of them paid attention to. 

“I’m really sorry,” it was a whisper but they were so close that the words were ringing in Therese’s ears loudly. 

“Carol-”

“No, hold on, I need to say this,” she gulped nervously, making it clear that this wasn’t easy for her. “I’m sorry for pretending I didn’t remember you and trying to shut you out just like that, it was a ridiculous idea, I mean, when I decided to fool you… because I still think you would do much better without me and the toxicity I entail,” Therese frowned and opened her mouth to interrupt her but the pleading look from Carol stopped her. “This is not easy for me, Therese, none of it. And by that I mean this… us. I’ve been so used to being miserable for the last three years and I was okay with it, I disconnected from the world and from everyone except for Abby but even with her there was a distance between us. Nothing mattered anymore, when you lose the person who means everything you stop caring altogether. Yet this week I’ve been more miserable than usual during all these years and I think that pretty much sums up everything even when I’m trying to ignore what that could mean,” she sighed and rubbed her forehead, her fatigue clear in the gesture. “But I can’t help thinking that I’m here for purely selfish reasons. That I’m here because that’s the best for me without taking into consideration what’s best for you.” 

The last thing Carol expected was to hear Therese’s laugh and she looked at her puzzled. “How can you still think you are being selfish after what I had told you?,” she lowered her gaze to Carol’s lap where her hands were resting and her heart started to beat faster thinking of what she was going to do. Slowly, she slid her hand under Carol’s, her heart almost leaping out of her chest as she realized she was really doing this. “You told me that you didn’t think it was possible for you to see me only as a doctor. Well, I don’t think I have ever seen you as a patient, Carol.” 

The woman observed how Therese’s delicate and long fingers moved under her hand to separate hers and lace them together with her own, feeling as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, not quite believing that she had been feeling sick from anxiety when she had stepped out of the building and now she felt so at ease, although surprised, that it was so... _simple_. She expected that Therese was angry with her, for acting in [at least that was how Carol saw it] an immature way; but here she was, reassuring her and smiling as if Carol coming to find her was everything she could have asked for, demonstrating an acceptance she had never experienced. 

Unable to tear her gaze away from their joined hands, she ended up following their movement, mesmerized when Therese brought them to her lips to place a lingering kiss on the back of her hand. Carol couldn’t conceal the amazed gasp that escaped from her mouth and in that moment it truly struck Therese what she had done, her eyes widening in surprise. She was feeling so elated to be with Carol again that apparently every rational part of her brain had been simply shut off at that moment.

Therese held her breath while she let go of Carol’s hand delicately, trying not to make a big deal of the situation, more than anything because she didn’t want to put Carol in an uncomfortable position. She let the air leave her lungs slowly, then flashed her sweetest smile to Carol as she was desperately trying to find the right words to say before some kind of unwanted tension could settle between them. For a moment she even thought in apologizing, knowing she shouldn’t have done what she did, but that would mean that she regretted what she had done and that was so far from the truth. Yes, she was internally scolding herself for acting without thinking, because she was well aware that desiring something might be harmless but acting on it, as innocent as it may be, is far from it, especially in her position, but she couldn’t be able to regret it. 

“Therese?” 

She tensed for a second, unsure of what to come, but when she heard the softness in her voice, she relaxed. “Yes, Carol?,” she didn’t look at her even when she could feel Carol’s gaze on her, her head still spinning from contradicting thoughts. 

“I’m fine,” she was finally certain of the answer to Therese’s question and a smile appeared on her lips at the same moment she saw Therese smiling. 

After all there really was an advantage of their time spent apart because it allowed them to learn that counting on each other made them feel stronger. Of course they didn’t choose to ignore the delicate and difficult nature of their situation and they were both aware that there were still several things they would have to deal with, but for now it was enough for them to be sitting together, knowing that things were okay between them and that whatever happened, they would be dealing with it together. It was more than enough.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to Odeon for her "raging torrent of emotions" quote that I couldn't let it go wasted.


	9. Chapter 9

 

Saying Therese felt on cloud nine for the following days would be a vast understatement. She was so relieved and lighthearted and daresay happy, that she almost completely forgot about the strange, nagging feeling she had about Carol’s case. No matter how many times she had read it, she just couldn’t get rid of it. There had to be something out of place, something inexplicable about it but she could never really grasp what exactly. Then came the incident with Carol and its aftermath so she had more urgent matters to focus on. She was reminded soon enough though, one day when she was sitting with Carol on one of the huge couches of the Day Room watching [among other patients] a movie.

Therese didn’t really have a clear idea of the plot because she had Carol whispering a witty commentary of her favorite scenes only to make her chuckle, which had her biting her lower lip trying to not distract and disturb anyone who actually paid attention to the film since Carol more often than not succeeded in amusing her. She had a wonderful time that afternoon until a point when her twinkling laugh was cut short as she felt someone’s piercing eyes on her, making her turn her head towards the door to see Dr. Tucker leaning against the frame with his arms firmly crossed.

When their eyes locked, she had the notion of being in a standoff of some sort. They didn’t talk after their last conversation but Therese started to feel as if she was being observed through a microscope even though she was fully aware that it could also only be in her head. She knew she was being paranoid, internally questioning everything without any apparent reason to the point she had berated herself several times, thinking that she was too desperate to find a more plausible explanation to… _what exactly_? She didn’t even know, but she was fiercely searching for a reason why she was acting like this. The most obvious answer seemed to be that her feelings for Carol had reached a crucial point so she probably started to blame everyone else for her situation; but she refused to accept that as the genuine cause, clinging to her father’s advice of always trusting her instincts.

Hearing Carol’s curious voice asking her if she was okay brought her back to reality, but Therese didn’t answer her right away since he was still staring at her. So she managed a meek smile, remembering that she absolutely must avoid raising any kind of suspicion, and once Dr. Tucker was finally out of sight after giving her a nod as a greeting of his own, Therese turned to Carol and gave a soft squeeze of her knee while reassuring her that there was nothing to worry about. They didn’t talk during the rest of the movie after that, with Therese way too deep in her thoughts, knowing she will have to talk with Carol _soon_ , hoping that listening to her version would help her to have a better insight about everything.

And fortunately, she didn’t have to wait long to have that very important conversation because when she saw Carol the next day and made a gesture with her hand, pointing towards the window, she got a nod in return immediately. If she was going to bring this subject up, it was better to do it where they could be completely alone. She didn’t miss the bitter realization that the last time they had gone through a serious situation, it had also happened outside and now she was even going to make her talk about it. After this she must plan something nice for Carol so she wouldn’t develop a repulsion to spending time in the garden, she promised inwardly.

“Carol?,” they had spent a good ten minutes in silence by the time she collected herself enough to start.

“Yes?”

“What…?,” she took a long, shuddering breath. She needed to do this. “What happened that day?,” she knew there was no need for any more clarification beyond that. Carol would understand what she was referring to, especially with the undeniable hesitation in her voice.

She raised her head slowly to look at her, frowning with confusion. “I thought you had read the file.”

“I did, but that’s the medical version and I want to hear yours too,” she could see the distress emerging in the other woman’s features and she hated to be the one bringing it out of her but she couldn’t continue evading the subject.

“I- I really don’t remember much. What’s in the file is all I can say,” she was looking anywhere but Therese and her hands were fiddling restlessly in her lap.

“I don’t want to make you try to remember other details, I just want you to tell me what you recall,” she was speaking so quietly it was almost a whisper, hoping to calm the other woman as much as she could.

It took a while for Carol to start talking again and Therese was trying to not be too obvious while stealing sideway glances at her. She was ready to give her all the time she needed though as she didn’t want her to feel more pressured than she already was. Meanwhile, she started thumb twiddling, pretending to be completely engrossed by the action when in fact she was watching how Carol reached for a leaf that had fallen close to her leg and started ripping it to small pieces when she began to talk, trying to focus on that instead of what she was going to say.

“That day I had been at one of those presumptuous parties that I thought would come to an end when I separated from Harge,” they never once talked about him, but of course Therese knew who he was from Carol’s record. “But he told me we should play pretend for a while and I, for some stupid reason, went with it. We had just reached an agreement about the divorce and the custody and I thought it was for the best if we stayed civil, friendly even. So, he asked me to go as a favor and I didn’t think twice, I had done it endless times during our marriage, what difference would one more night make?”

Therese turned her whole body towards her the moment Carol had started speaking, fully aware that she would avoid looking at her but she wouldn’t allow any of her expressions escape her because no matter how much she wanted to know Carol’s side of the events, she wasn’t going to let her relive her trauma just for her benefit. _Baby steps as we have done it_. So far Carol looked stable enough though, but she barely even scratched the surface of the story.

“After the party, he offered to take me home because it was late and I had had a couple of drinks; I was far from drunk, tipsy maybe, but I know I wasn’t drunk. Anyway, I accepted it because it was the easiest way to go back home without calling a cab or someone else. The house was expectedly dark with the exception of the living room when we got there, I didn’t think anything out of the ordinary about it. Harge decided not to come in and see our daughter since we both knew she was already sleeping, so he took off as I entered the house and after dismissing the sitter and checking she was indeed asleep, I went to bed,” it was not lost on Therese that she was purposefully avoiding saying her daughter’s name. She got it, it was a common defense mechanism and she was sure that Carol had been applying it too since everything happened but the way she closed her eyes in distress gave it away that it didn’t work as expected this time. She wondered if it ever did.

Therese watched how Carol stiffened as a tense silence fell upon them and she was thinking of calling it quits for today when the other woman reached for her right hand, gripping her middle and ring finger with hers. She started spinning her ring as a distraction, like all those months ago when Carol first initiated physical contact and took Therese’s breath away. The sharp contrast between that happy moment and the present time brought tears to her eyes but she didn’t allow them to fall. “After that there’s nothing,” her voice was now broken and Therese didn’t need to look up to know Carol was about to break down. “Just darkness and I thought I had fallen asleep. The next thing I was conscious of was me on the floor of my daughter’s room with her lifeless, bloody form in my arms,” her voice cracked completely, unable to control herself anymore.

Feeling the tears run freely down her cheeks, Carol closed her eyes and her breath caught in her throat as she was fighting the sobs that were eager to erupt. Meanwhile Therese had to focus on her breathing and relax her facial muscles as much as she could in order to avoid crying with her. She couldn’t possibly imagine the terrible impact this situation could have on someone; med school teaches you only so much but there are things one can simply never learn. And it was not “only” murder but a mother killing her own daughter, her only child, without ever having that kind of thought before; because she was willing to guarantee that there was no ‘subconscious desire’ playing a part in Carol’s case. She couldn’t have deliberately done it and then be so traumatized that her brain shut out every single memory of the act. _But_ _you know next to nothing about her. No that’s not true, I_ do _know she’s not a killer_.

Therese felt something wet falling on her hand and after realizing it was Carol’s tears [and surprisingly not her own], she moved to get closer and sat in front of the other woman. She put her free hand on Carol’s back who immediately stiffened under her touch but that didn’t stop Therese from rubbing slow circles in a comforting manner until she could feel her muscles relax. What she didn’t expect was Carol resting her forehead on her shoulder, losing the battle against the heartbreaking sobs that now echoed around them. It wasn’t the reaction she was hoping for but Therese was grateful for the crying nonetheless, knowing that it was definitely better for her than trying to keep her emotions under control. She also knew it had been a while since Carol had allowed herself to lower her guard completely and Therese was grateful to be the one to console her this time.

When Carol freed her hand to grasp at her shirt desperately, Therese cradled her head and when there was no abrupt reaction, she began to run her fingers between soft locks affectionately, causing Carol to cry even harder before slowly calming down. Therese didn’t attempt to say anything, fully aware that there were no words in the whole english language or in any other that would help to make the woman in her arms feel better, but the realization that she was doing at least something well when Carol’s sobs began to subside was a heartwarming one.

Gingerly raising her head, Carol sniffed and wiped her tears off her face with the back of her hands as much as she could. She avoided looking at Therese until she felt the other woman removing her hands from her body but when she finally glanced up and their eyes met, the doctor smiled at her tenderly.  Carol was expecting the sudden blow of self-consciousness flooding her but instead she was surprised by the warm and foreign sensation of comfort. It took her a moment to understand why, but after spending what seemed like an eternity carefully examining her features, she realized that Therese wasn’t looking at her with pity. Carol had become quite skilled to recognize it [not that people were good at hiding it in here in the first place as patients had more important issues to sort out and the doctors seemed to do it on purpose from time to time] but there wasn’t a single trace of it in Therese’s features. There was an undeniable sadness, for sure, but also _compassion_ and that still unbelievable acceptance she kept showing her again and again.

“How are you feeling?,” the gentle tone in her voice made Carol yearn to fall back into her arms and when Therese looked at her, raising an eyebrow, she flushed just a little as if her thoughts had been heard.

“Considering... I’m okay,” she gave her a faint but honest smile that soon vanished. “I’m sorry for-”

“You have absolutely nothing to apologize for, Carol,” her tone was still gentle but there was an unspoken _‘and I won’t let you do it’_ that made her smile warmly for the vehemence of it. “Not now, not ever.”

A long silence followed as Carol let it all sink in. She never thought she was apologizing too much, on the contrary, but Therese’s words carried a certain ring of truth. Only because she never voiced it, it didn't mean she never thought about it. Countless time she felt the overwhelming need to apologize for what she had done because in her book, the fact of not remembering it didn’t matter in the slightest. She had deprived a father of his daughter, grandparents of their granddaughter, a godmother of her goddaughter, so how could she not want to apologize over and over again for the rest of her life for it? But words were never enough, apologies would not bring her back but would only rub more salt into the wound… that was why she bit her tongue most of the time, even though she knew well that some people mistook it for indifference and judged her even more.

Carol didn’t even notice she was crying again until she felt Therese’s thumb wiping her tears away softly, causing her lower lip to tremble with emotion. Therese physically comforting her always unfolded an unpreventable battle within her. On the one side, she couldn’t deny that it felt _nice_ , sending her senses into overdrive nice as she recalled the time Therese tried to ease the burning she had caused in her forearm with all the scratching; but on the other side, she had always had a hard time accepting that she deserved anything good, no matter how it was presented. She didn’t think she deserved Therese’s comfort because mentally ill or not, she had done something unforgivable. But day after day spent in her company, she found her resolve weaken until she finally and inevitably lowered her defenses around the other woman. It was as if Therese had turned on the switch that made the numbness go away and even when it felt like she was grieving her daughter for the very first time, there was something relieving about having someone she could be able to be vulnerable with, knowing they would never take advantage of her.

She focused back on reality when she caught Therese opening her mouth to say something but after a few seconds of hesitation she ended up closing it and sighing before trying again. “Thank you for telling me, I know it’s extremely difficult for you.”

Carol had the impression that it wasn’t what Therese really wanted to say but she didn’t try to pursue for the truth, afraid of not being ready to hear it. So she nodded tiredly, sliding her hands inside the kangaroo pocket of her hoodie while she drew her legs up in a more comfortable position. She was terribly exhausted and if she was honest with herself, she wanted nothing more than laying her head down in Therese’s lap and closing her eyes while the young woman would run her fingers through her hair one more time. That was another thing, and Carol still couldn’t make up her mind if it was an advantage or disadvantage: the intense and sudden craving for contact, and not any contact but Therese’s, something she had been struggling with for quite a while.

Carol lowered her gaze to her lap, sighing resignedly, and after a few seconds she felt rather than see Therese moving back next to her. They were wrapped in a comfortable silence, that kind when you are with someone who means a lot, the rest of the world seems to melt away. Carol could feel Therese’s eyes on her and she tried to conceal her intense response to it but it was akin to trying to ignore the woman all together, a feat simply impossible. She raised her head, locking her eyes with hers, and it took a few seconds for Therese to smile but when she did it was a sweet, soothing one, making Carol wonder if she had some kind of superpower when she felt a warm, calming sensation enveloping her once again.

There was something in the gesture that spurred her on to move her head toward Therese’s, watching her green eyes widen in surprise fleetingly before giving way to certain twinkle Carol already knew well. It was the sole reason she didn’t back down as she closed her eyes and rested her forehead against the other woman’s shoulder, then slid her head slowly to the crook of her neck, unaware of Therese closing her eyes too when her warm breath hit her skin. When she recovered, Therese didn’t hesitate to lay her head against Carol’s while she also rested one of her hands, with her palm up, over the blonde’s thigh, causing Carol to open her eyes and look down at the hand that was flexing its fingers absently.

That was Therese’s way to let her know that she wanted to hold her hand but giving her an out at the same time in case she didn’t welcome the contact. Carol thought it was amusing, especially after that kiss she had placed on her hand but she also knew that Therese kept berating herself for crossing the line in such way even if to Carol there was no reason for it. She rested her hand on the other woman’s forearm, placing the tip of her middle and ring finger on the pulse point of her wrist before sliding her fingers over her palm and fingers to finally intertwine them.

There were certain words eager to come out of her mouth and a plethora of thoughts running through her head but Carol tried to give no mind to them; she just wanted to enjoy the sensation that perhaps, just perhaps, she did have an opportunity to find some sort of joy in life despite everything.

 

* * *

  

If there was something that peculiarly distinguished Therese from most people, it had to be the fact that she saw the appeal in things that were often considered frightening, like a psychiatric facility at night. The eerie quiet and the dimmed lights could easily be unsettling to anyone, but she was walking the halls in a relaxed pace as if she was touring a museum or an art gallery instead of a hospital, knowing full well that the sleeping patients and only a handful of doctors around had something to do with it too. It was her first time doing the night shift but she enjoyed it immensely and if it weren’t for the fact that she wouldn’t see Carol so frequently, she would change her schedule without thinking twice.

She smiled softly when her mind conjured up the pouting image of Carol, remembering how quickly that unhappy expression appeared on her face when she had told her that most likely they wouldn’t see each other the next day. Carol lowered her gaze to the floor, not saying anything for a while until she realized that Therese hadn’t stopped watching her. The doctor couldn’t help but smile at the telling blush that colored Carol’s cheeks and she actually laughed when Carol mockingly claimed that she could easily survive a day without her. Even when she was lost in those pleasant memories, her step came to a halt when she saw Dr. Tucker’s door ajar and light coming from his office. Her rational side gave her the order to turn around and mind her own business but she ended up putting a hand on the wall and walking towards the door making as little sound as possible. She didn’t consider herself nosy, or too curious for her own good even, and definitely not someone who would spy on a coworker when the opportunity arises, but something in her gut was telling her that she needed to know what was going on there.

“You don’t need to worry, everything’s fine.” Therese frowned a bit at the not so concealed annoyance in Dr. Tucker’s tone. It was somewhat curious hearing him like that, as he was always impeccably composed after all. She was expecting to hear another voice replying to him but when she didn’t, she deduced he was probably on the phone. “No. No, I couldn’t reach the expected results yet.” Therese could easily imagine him clutching the handset hard as the volume of his voice suddenly rose and the next time he spoke, she shuddered at his icy tone. “I have always been more committed to this than you, my life and work pretty much depend on it,” there was a pause filled with tension and then he sighed. “I know, I know. Look, I’m working on a stronger dose and I should be able to try it out soon.”

Therese totally forgot she was holding her click pen and also that when she tended to fidget she started clicking the button on and off repeatedly. Now, that wasn’t a problem since she kept her finger on it every time she clicked to avoid making a noise but the last words unsettled her so much that this time when she clicked it off, she lost her grip on the pen when it jumped in her hand and she was watching almost in slow motion how it hit the floor alongside some of the papers she was holding. Everything went silent for a second and Therese even held her breath, hoping with all her might that it would calm her racing heartbeat and that she wasn’t about getting discovered.

“Hold on a second.”

_Oh, God damn it!_ She was definitely about getting discovered.

Therese knew she had to flee the scene before it was too late but her legs seemed to be rooted to the spot and when she heard the faint noise of the chair moving, she felt the dreadful sensation of despair washing over her. She was royally screwed. Even if she could make herself move and run off in this exact moment, she wouldn’t have time to reach one of the other hallways without being seen, the doors surrounding her weren’t an option either since practically everyone locked them and to make things even worse, she couldn’t possibly come up with a decent excuse since her mind had gone blank.

She almost shrieked when she felt someone holding her by the wrists from behind and when she turned, Therese felt the strange mixture of annoyance and relief when she saw Richard. But it soon vanished when she heard the steps getting closer to the door. This was it. She would have to deal with the consequences of meddling in other people’s affairs. In that moment she already felt like a reprimanded child but then Richard lowered himself to one knee and Therese was about to whisper, completely stunned, what the hell he was doing when she was forced in the same position by a hard tug of her arm just as the door fully opened and Dr. Tucker appeared right in front of them.

Therese tensed when she felt the blazing and questioningly eyes of Dr. Tucker on her, making her nibble at her lower lip anxiously before opening her mouth and praying that nothing stupid would come out of it when someone beat her to talk. “Thank you so much for your kindness, Dr. Belivet.”

Her eyes widened in surprise and she felt glad that her head was bowed so her reaction didn’t give away anything. She reacted quickly then, not wanting to waste the opportunity Richard was giving her to get away with this. “Oh, don’t worry, Richard, it was nothing,” she pretended having been collecting the papers she already had in her hands before standing up.

Richard followed her after picking up the sheets she had actually dropped and reaching for the pen. He made a move to take the papers she was holding when he, in a very convincing way, looked at Dr. Tucker’s direction, seeming a little embarrassed and surprised when he pretended to just realize he was there. “Dr. Tucker, I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”

Therese, going with the flow, looked at the other doctor abruptly, as if she also had just noticed that he had got out of his office. Dr. Tucker looked from one to another calculatingly and she for once felt glad that the innocent, childlike aura never completely abandoned her. “Everything alright?”

“Oh yeah, I got a little distracted and practically bumped into Dr. Belivet but fortunately nothing serious really happened, I just had to collect and rearrange some papers and she was kind enough to help me doing so.” Therese hoped her smile looked as sincere as his because she was mildly surprised at how convincing he was. Hell, if she wasn’t part of the scam, she would have believed it too.

There was a decisive silence but after a few seconds, Dr. Tucker gave them an imperceptible but sincere lopsided smile, making Therese feel like she could breathe again. “Be more careful the next time though.”

“I will, and I'm sorry if I have bothered you.”

Dr. Tucker downplayed the situation with a hand gesture and after saying goodbye to them, he returned to his office, closing the door this time. Therese closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and feeling her body finally relax now that she was out of trouble. Richard snickered, causing her to look at him, then he made a gesture with his head indicating they should get going. Therese didn’t need more encouragement, she wouldn’t tempt her fate twice on the same day.

They walked away from the office in silence, and when they were finally in safe distance Richard handed her the damn papers. Knowing him she expected a million and one questions about what just happened, but for some reason they never came and she felt even more grateful to him. “I owe you one,” she said quickly without thinking, regretting it the moment she saw Richard smiling mischievously at her, causing her to curse inwardly. She didn’t even need to ask to know in which way he was going to cash it in.

Well, anyway, she would deal with him later. And perhaps something good could actually come out of this, as in Richard realizing that she wasn’t interested in him. She could hear him talking to her in a low voice but she was paying no attention to what he was saying, since her mind already went back to the conversation she had just eavesdropped on, trying not to make wild assumptions because she couldn’t hear the person on the other side. But no matter how hard she was trying, she couldn’t seem to calm her nervously pounding heart nor ignore the little voice in her head telling her that it had something to do with Carol.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • My SuperEm, you already know there are not enough words to thank you for what you did for this story and for me during all this time. But thank you so very much, with all my heart <3  
> • And also endless of thanks to Ligeria who very kindly accepted to help me to betaing my story (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ

 

Carol knew she was acting like a child. Like a petty and jealous child. The previous day she had awakened in a poor mood that had only gotten worse after seeing Therese, though that hadn’t been the root of the problem. After waking up, she spent a few minutes contemplating if it was truly necessary to get out of bed. Then, a little annoyed with herself, she decided to stand up. Just because Therese was the reason she was finally showing some moderate progress didn’t mean she had to neglect that progress when the other woman wasn’t in the hospital.

After getting ready and having her vitals checked, she went to sit on the windowsill in the Day Room, one of her favorites places to be, losing time until her first therapy session, when she glanced down and saw Therese heading towards the parking lot. She must have just finished her shift so was more than eager to go home for her well-deserved rest, Carol thought, when something made her stop in her tracks, then turn around. For a moment, she started to smile thinking that they would have the opportunity to greet each other through the window, but her gesture was cut short when Therese never lifted her head to where she was, looking instead at whatever was in front of her.

Carol couldn’t help but frown when she saw the cause. She had obviously seen him around the hospital and she vaguely remembered talking with him once. She couldn’t recall what their conversation had been about and if she was fairly sincere, he had done most of the talking with her barely answering with just hums. Now that she tried to remember more of their encounter, she was convinced that it should have been some of his first days in the hospital because the staff was usually over-friendly during that time.

She couldn’t help but squirm when she saw him [her memory failed to come up with his name] put his hands on Therese’s shoulders in what seemed to be an invasive way. _It's none of your business though_. She tried to distract herself by looking around the room, realizing for the first time that she wasn’t alone but in the company of several more people. When she saw Jeanette, she thought about approaching her, but at the same time her brain decided against it and Carol found herself powerless to try to ignore something she knew she couldn’t. And it had been proven several times that she was incapable of ignoring Therese.

Sighing defeatedly, she returned her gaze to the window. She didn’t even want to dwell on the calming sensation she felt upon realizing he wasn’t touching her anymore. But after a moment, she saw him lean in to kiss Therese’s cheek, making every muscle of her body tense. For Carol, it felt like the world had come to a halt since the image appeared to be engraved in her mind, even though the gesture had only lasted a second, and upset, she stood up to make her way out of the room, missing how Therese lifted her head towards the window when Richard finally turned his back on her to go.

She was now waiting like a petulant child, with her arms crossed and a dark expression on her face, for Therese to arrive. She felt like a woman wanting her partner to come and confess what happened as if she had been cheating on her in a way. Not that she would actually make Therese do it, but still, she felt like she kind of wanted Therese to come clean. The more she thought about it, the more Carol knew she was acting absolutely ridiculously. She was aware that Therese had a life outside the hospital, and just because she didn’t and inadvertently the brunette had become a significant part of her life, didn’t mean the other woman was going to share everything with her. It wasn’t what Carol wanted anyway. In reality, she didn’t even feel jealous of the man but she felt envious of any person with the chance to be with her beyond the confines of this place, of the freedom to do as they pleased. Carol didn’t have that luxury and most likely she never would.

She loathed this. Loathed with every fiber of her being when desolation crept up on her to remind her that the only thing left of her life were the ashes without a safe ground to start building again, because in this state every negative thought and emotion took control of her. She just couldn’t find the strength to fight against the inner voice that kept reminding her that she was getting exactly what she deserved after what she had done.

By the time Therese arrived, all trace of peevishness had dissipated from Carol’s face but she couldn’t shake the melancholy in her features, and when the young woman noticed, she was quick to appear by her side, surprising her a little because she didn’t even give her the chance to notice her and say hi. “Hey, are you okay?”

Carol took her time to look at her. She knew she wouldn’t be able to lie to her; she didn’t want to in the first place but she also didn’t want to deal with the subject. “I’m just tired.” She finally looked at her, smiling half-heartedly. Technically it wasn’t a lie, she was indeed tired, although not in the way that Therese would think but before allowing her to ask about it any further, she kept talking. “How was your free day? Did you do something interesting?”

Therese’s eyes widened a bit, as if she didn’t expect Carol to be interested in something so mundane. “It was okay. I didn’t do anything particularly exciting though. I took a nap, studied some of my notes on a case and went out at night.” She wasn’t going to tell her what she had been studying was Carol’s file, that she had tried to dissect every part of it, searching, in vain, for something she might have missed.

Carol drifted her gaze away from Therese, pondering over her words for a moment. When she finally answered, her eyes locked with hers again. “I see.”

The young doctor knew something was off with Carol. She could feel the barrier between them and she hadn’t felt that since… hell, she wasn’t even sure if such a barrier existed even after they met. The thing that bothered her the most was that Carol was purposefully putting up her walls and she couldn’t comprehend what the reason was. The day before yesterday everything was perfectly fine between them, they’d played a game of chess that ended with them laughing and wondering whether they were equally good or equally bad and by the time they had to say goodbye to each other, they shared a very poorly concealed smitten smile [at least that’s how Therese felt about it]. So, what in the world could have happened in just one day to change that?

But before she could begin to ask her about it, Carol stood up and Therese felt the anguishing sensation she always experienced when she wasn’t sure if she should follow her or give her space but the woman didn’t walk away from her. She was standing still as if she was waiting for something to happen and Therese watched her with nervous curiosity until Carol turned her head to her and raised an inquisitive eyebrow at her. _Oh. Oh!_ She was unable to stop the smile that lit up her face as relief washed her over and her cheeks tinged pink at how obvious her reactions always were to Carol. She knew something was up still and she made a mental note to question her about it later but she didn’t care at the moment because the fact that Carol still wanted to be with her when she wasn’t in a good mood just made her happy.

When Therese stood, Carol started walking out of the room, followed closely by the younger woman. Therese wasn’t paying much attention to where they were headed since she was casting sideway glances in Carol’s direction, but she deduced they were probably going outside as usual. When they entered one of the halls, Carol came to a sudden stop and Therese almost collided with her. She looked at her with confusion but the blonde’s focus wasn’t on her at the moment and Therese caught a ghost of a peculiar emotion crossing Carol’s face, as if she didn’t know how to proceed with the situation. Her curiosity was piqued, interested at what made Carol react like that. However when she saw the reason, she felt the urge to take Carol’s hand and turn around.

“Hi, Terry,” he said with a big smile, making both women cringe at the nickname. Therese wondered if it hadn't been enough torture to listen to him call her that the night before but apparently it wasn’t.

She was no way ready to deal with this. Well she was, in the sense of letting Richard know once and for all how things were standing between them, but she didn’t want to do it here and now; it wasn’t the place nor the time. “Do you need anything, Richard?”

Carol dared to look at Therese, her uncomfortable tone making her curious, and when she saw how tense she had become all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. She had gone out last night and now Carol knew with whom. It was surprising how easily the realization came to her because after what she had witnessed the day before, it made perfect sense. Her grim mood returned from earlier almost right away but now she was more resigned than before so she quickly closed her eyes, sighing silently, and reached a decision.

“I’m going to leave you two to … talk.”

Therese was starting to feel frustrated, not believing the situation she had gotten  herself into in but when she looked at Carol, her features softened inevitably. “That's really not-”

“It’s okay, really, I remembered that Dr. Tucker wanted to see me today.” That was a poor lie and when she saw Therese clenching her jaw, Carol felt bad for the terrible attempt but she was still determined to leave anyway. “I will see you later.” She forced herself to smile and made a polite gesture with her head at Richard before walking away.

 

* * *

 

Therese didn’t even bother to acknowledge Richard while she devotedly watched Carol walk away until she was out of her sight. Her first thought was to follow her right away but when she was overcome by anger, she decided to wait until she cooled off. She was unfairly directing her anger at Richard, because she was fully aware that this was only her fault. _And you better take care of it now if you don’t want it happening again_. She had the time to do it now since Carol had gone. And even though she knew she could use the time to do something more important, this situation had intervened with what she considered important, and she wanted to deal with it as soon as possible.

Richard at least had the decency to look uncomfortable after what had transpired between the three of them and that helped a bit to calm her. Therese sighed deeply while she ran her hand through her hair, combing it with her fingers, realizing that they were starting to draw some glances by just standing there in the hallway. When her eyes met Richard’s, she hoped to convey the message without the need to speak out loud, trying to save the energy and the willpower for their conversation and when he nodded, she sighed a little in relief, although a part of her couldn’t help but wonder why he couldn’t be this quick to get other things. They walked in tense silence with Therese taking the lead but Richard wasn’t that far behind since she could hear his steps despite the ordinary fuss of the hospital. After a few minutes that seemed like hours, they entered one of the exam rooms available.

“Richard…” she said once the door was safely closed but she interrupted herself, biting her lower lip since she wasn’t entirely sure how to approach the subject while with her peripheral vision she kept looking at Richard who was now sitting on the bench. Even when she wanted to make things clear, she always felt uncomfortable when there was a chance to hurt someone’s feelings and that’s why she usually prolonged situations that only proved to be troublesome for her. “So, yesterday-”

“I had a great time,” he interrupted to add.

 _Well, at least one of us did._ Therese rubbed the bridge of her nose, trying to not lose her composure, as she was convinced that she heard Genevieve’s laugh in her head. It wasn’t that she actually had had the worst time of her life, but she couldn’t get rid of the awkward sensation at knowing that both of them were in completely different sides in this situation. “That’s… swell. Look, I-”

“Perhaps we can do it again soon?”

She had been pacing on the opposite side of the room, wanting to put some distance between them but when she heard his question she stopped, glaring at him with annoyance. “Could you just let me talk?!” He lowered his head, like a child after being scolded and she had to breathe in deeply to not lose her remaining patience. After a brief silence to test if he was going to keep his mouth shut, she finally continued, but since she didn't have much faith that he would stay like that, she decided to pull off the band aid in a quick motion. “I’m a lesbian, Richard.”

Under other circumstances, perhaps it would have been fun to see the way Richard’s eyes widened in surprise before narrowing in skepticism. “You are what?”

She was so close to hitting her face with her hand but she settled on rubbing her forehead tiredly. It wasn’t really that hard to understand but Richard was proving to be denser than she thought or he was just being difficult on purpose. “I’m attracted to women.”

A heavy silence fell upon them and strangely, Therese was grateful for it, taking the opportunity to relax, that was until he had the audacity to laugh. “Is this some sort of joke?”

If they had been someplace else, Therese would have raised her voice without a second thought but here she had to whisper irritably. “Why would I be joking about that?”

“Perhaps because it’s your ‘nice’ way of turning me down.” He made the quotations marks with his fingers although it wasn’t necessary since the sarcasm was clear in his voice.

He was so infuriating and she had to ask herself why she was even bothering. Right, to avoid these kinds of situations in the future. She would be completely open and if he refused to believe her, then that was going to be  _his_ problem. At least she would finally have her conscience clear and she was fine with that. “Richard, yes, I’m turning you down because I’m telling you the truth. Look, you are nice and funny and I would like us to be friends but what you want is never going to happen.” She was trying to sound friendly but also firm.

She didn’t expect Richard’s reaction to be this harsh, although it could have been worse. He stood abruptly, muttering something about having to thank her for sparing him from wasting his time with someone that clearly didn’t want to spend it with him while he headed to the door. Therese only raised an eyebrow at the tantrum, watching him leave, without thinking at any point that perhaps she should stop him. If acting like this would help him to feel better about the situation, who was she to intervene with his process? It wasn’t like she  _needed_ his friendship anyway. She wasn’t against the idea but her main reason was to have a pleasant environment at work and he had proved to be a good ally which could have been helpful.

For a moment, she felt nervous recalling what had happened and how it could affect her after this. She wanted to believe that Richard wasn’t that kind of person but in reality, she didn’t know him at all and people did the craziest things when their egos were hurt. In the end, she would have to wait and see but she truly wanted to give Richard the benefit of the doubt. At least the tantrum made one thing clear: he had gotten the message, and that made her sigh in relief because she had one less thing to worry about.

 

* * *

 

Therese was leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed and a dreamy look in her eyes. After what had occurred with Richard, she decided to focus on her job for a while because if not, she would have ended up looking for Carol right away. So she had spent the day working with therapy group after therapy group, helping other doctors and willing to sacrifice her break time until one of them practically forced her to go to the Staff Break Room but she took a detour, heading outside of the building.

She sat down on one of the closest benches, which was practically on the left once you stepped out of the entry. It was an interesting concept, having a chaotic world right behind her while capturing a quiet one as her eyes roamed the impressive garden. It made her feel as if she had a chance to pause to her hectic life for a brief moment. The sensation disappeared when she felt someone taking a seat next to her but when she saw who it was, she couldn’t stop her lips from lifting up in a gentle smile. It was the red-headed lanky teenager she had met on her first day whose name, that she knew all well now, was Michael. Therese hadn’t expected an answer when she greeted him so she felt thrilled when he did, introducing himself even when it was painfully clear how shy he was.

Therese thanked him again for the paper dragon he had made her, telling him it was now _living_ on the bookshelf of her living room and she could see the pleasant surprise in his eyes that her words had brought. That got him to feel more confident in her presence and they could even talk for a little while until his doctor appeared, looking slightly worried until she saw her. Therese lowered her head so they couldn’t see her smiling when she discovered that Michael had wandered off from his doctor’s side when she was distracted by another doctor; the young boy had waited patiently but he got bored after [according to the woman] _barely three minutes_ and had slipped away in search of something entertaining.

Therese decided to go back inside when Michael stood up, thinking it was a good time to look for Carol. She followed the pair until the reception, saying goodbye to the boy who gave her a big smile while he waved, telling her that he was going to make another dragon for her so the one she already had wouldn’t feel lonely. She was still smiling even when she couldn’t find Carol in the most familiar places and wondered for a moment if she should go and check her bedroom. Then she remembered the bigger Activity Room where Carol almost never wanted to go because it used to be the most crowded.

She made her way there. After Carol’s aloofness, there was a real chance of finding her there and when she saw her seated at the piano, she felt happy knowing that at least she was able to read her in this aspect. She was about to step into the room when she realized Carol was actually playing the piano and it was as if she had been suddenly hypnotized by the image, forcing her to take the most comfortable position without moving from where she was to admire the sight, hoping to look like a doctor dutifully watching over the room and not like a woman who was seeing the most marvelous person in the world.

Carol had her eyes closed and her fingers were moving with such conviction that Therese wondered if there was anything she couldn’t do. She was completely enraptured, her eyes traveling from Carol’s face to her hands. She only realized that her mouth was partially open when she had to lick her lips slowly, feeling it going dry. When Carol took a little break, Therese finally approached her and, after checking that nobody was looking, she sat down beside her, facing the room instead of the piano, careful not to touch the other woman who had moved aside a bit to give her more space. She saw Carol briefly looking at her profile while caressing the keys, making her heart speed up its rhythm, before starting a new and melancholic melody.

“Do you ever wish things were different?” Carol’s voice was so soft, trying to keep it lower so the volume of the piano could cover it up.

Therese stared at her with a mix of curiosity and nervousness. “What kind of things?”

She shrugged. “Something about your life that you wish had gone differently.”

The young doctor held her breath while she lowered her gaze to her hands. “No, I have never felt that desire about my life.”

Carol’s fingers stopped for a moment, noticing the way Therese’s voice sounded more determined when she said ‘my’ but she was more interested in another question first. “Not even with your mother’s situation?”

Therese shrugged briefly before giving a proper answer. “Not really. Yeah, it was hard and painful but I had my father and I never felt like I was missing something, you know, like perhaps my life would have been better if she had been part of it. Sometimes…” she nibbled on her lower lip, looking ashamed of herself. “This is going to make me sound like a horrible person but sometimes I feel like I miss her and love her only because that’s what people expect because she’s my mother.”

Carol inwardly smiled, knowing quite well what Therese was talking about. For the last few years of her marriage she had lived under the same circumstances. “I don’t think that makes you a horrible person. We are taught to unconditionally love our family, as if the children weren’t entitled to… detach themselves from their parents when they hurt them.” Therese smiled slightly but in a grateful way although the blonde couldn’t see it since her gaze was still fixed on the piano keys. It had been the first time she’d admitted this to someone and if she had done it with Carol, it was because she knew she wouldn’t be judged. “Now, you were very specific about not wanting something to be different about your life. That means you wish something to be different about someone else’s life.”

Therese barely squirmed but Carol sensed the movement and it was enough to draw her attention, making her look at her and catching the way her cheeks reddened but this time she didn’t blush in the adorable way she often did; this time she looked a little uncomfortable and it wasn’t hard for Carol to know why, letting out a soft ‘oh,’ and returning her gaze to the piano. “I just wish you hadn’t gone through what you had to,” she admitted shyly.

How could someone so selfless exist? How was it possible that there was someone that, given the chance, would be willing to change someone else’s life to make it better instead of taking that opportunity for herself? “I wish that too, even though we wouldn’t have known each other in that case.” She tried not to sound so sad imagining that scenario. She had only known Therese for a few months but now it was hard to imagine her life without her.

But Therese smiled and this time when she blushed, it was in that way which always made Carol want to reach out and caress her cheeks. “I like to think you and I were meant to know each other one way or another.” It was hard for Carol not to smile upon hearing those words but her smile quickly vanished when Therese kept talking. “This is why you were distant this morning? Beyond the obvious, there's something you want to change?”

The woman began to shake her head but there was no point in even trying to deny it, Therese was no fool. “The day before yesterday… ” She ran her left hand through her hair, still pressing the keys with her right one. “I- I felt happy… the feeling has been so forbidden to me for so long that it took me awhile to recognize it and then I was so resistant to actually believe it was real but you can’t really escape or ignore those kind of things.” She smiled bitterly.

Therese wasn’t truly surprised to know Carol had felt that way, she had seen the brightness of the sentiment in her eyes, after all; what surprised her was the fact that she had verbally acknowledged it, especially since she had the absurd belief of not deserving happiness. She had never agreed with that but she knew trying to change Carol’s mind would bring more harm than good, so she bit her tongue every time, even now it felt like walking on thin ice even if she was the one bringing up the subject. “Carol…” She scratched her forehead with her thumbnail, choosing her words carefully.

“The thing is that this time I didn’t feel guilty for feeling happy.” She kept talking as if Therese hadn’t tried to say something. “The problem was that later on I had the reminder that I  _can’t_ , I’m stuck in this place and I don’t have the opportunity to have a life even if I want to.” She sounded frustrated and there was also a little tinge of anger in her voice.

Therese wanted to kick herself because her first thought after hearing those words was that a vivacious Carol was completely alluring. Here they were, discussing a serious subject which wasn’t easy for the blonde to talk about and she was behaving like a person who just discovered that her crush was more attractive than she first thought. There were other things her brain started to chew on though, like the fact she had to stay in the hospital even when she was under treatment and she hadn’t had another episode. But she had to push back all those thoughts when she realized Carol’s piercing eyes were on her, letting her know that she had been quiet for far longer than she should have been.

“Carol.” She was about to hold her hand when her peripheral vision reminded her where they were and she ended up clenching her fists, hoping that would help to lessen the desire, a gesture that didn’t go unnoticed by Carol. “You are a woman that, when she settles her mind on a goal, does everything to accomplish it, and I think you can do absolutely everything you want. You are not a caged bird even if you feel like one, and when you are able to wrap your mind around it, you will be unstoppable.”

“Easier said than done,” she grumbled and stopped playing, lowering the fallboard and resting her elbows on it so she could put her head in her hands.

“I know it’s not easy, but you are not aware of how much progress you have already made during this time.” This made Carol turn to her, looking uncertain. “It’s true, you spent over three years without leaving the facilities and now you enjoy being outside and you just told me that you  _want_ to have a life. Do you know how huge that is?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “I know you are not making it as fast as you would like, that’s why you don’t see it but you are definitely making progress and there’s nothing more captivating than to see you doing it; retrieving your strength and confidence in yourself.” She was talking as enthusiastically as she could muster.

It was like having a personal cheerleader. She had so much faith in her that Carol was always torn between a hopeful sensation that made her believe in herself, and a dreadful sensation when she thought she would get a disappointing surprise. “You must have done something terrible in a previous life to have to be stuck with someone as defective as me.” She was trying to sound like she was joking but Therese knew there was a hint of conviction in her words.

“That’s not the word I would use to describe you.” When Carol raised an inquiring eyebrow, Therese smiled lovingly, bringing her face close to hers to be able to whisper. “You are breathtaking.” The image of a flattered, blushing Carol lowering her head while a grin appeared on her beautiful face was a vision that Therese knew wouldn’t leave her mind anytime soon.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endless of thanks to Ligeria for betaing ^ヮ^

 

Therese had her gaze nailed to the paper she was holding with her left hand. In her other hand she was holding a pen, hitting the surface softly with it. The countertop was covered with opened books and magazines. Her laptop was precariously placed on one of the barstools since there wasn’t space for it on the counter. She had been doing research for hours now, and not even when she had seen the hour on the microwave clock when she made a brief pause to eat something, had she thought about stopping for today.

Her eyes were tracing the written words on the paper she was holding, over and over again, as if she was hoping they would shake up at one point and give her the answer she was looking for. Everything was because earlier today at work, one of her coworkers had come to her to praise her about the marvelous job she was doing with Carol. Therese had sheepishly smiled, thanking her, although in her mind appeared the thought that she wasn't doing anything really professional until the other doctor mentioned that she hadn’t seen such progress in her all this time. That had activated the last alarm on hold inside her.

When she got to her department that night, she got everything ready to spend the next few hours researching information. She realized that not even when she was working on her submitted paper had she been this committed. By now, she knew Carol’s medical record like the back of her hand so she focused on reading about Dissociative Amnesia and some testimonies about people who have experienced it. Suddenly, she began to frown and decided to make some annotations that made her uneasy.

> • one episode in over three years - blurred memories even after the hypnosis  
>  • unable (?) to leave the hospital even under treatment  
>  • over three years without showing any sign of improvement

There wasn’t much she could really contemplate about the first point, since there was nothing strange about the fact that she had only had one episode during that time. There wasn’t anything physically wrong with her brain, after all; even with the blurred memories, she wanted to have the benefit of the doubt, thinking that it was understandable that a part of Carol didn’t want to recall the event in full detail. The brain was extraordinary in that way.

But the other two were the ones that had her mind in overdrive. They made her feel as if the purpose was to keep Carol … pent-up. She had never directly asked Carol or Dr. Tucker about the fact that Carol had never left the hospital during all this time. She didn’t know if it had been a personal decision or an imposed one, but she came to the conclusion that it had been the latter, with a touch of Carol not caring one way or the other.

Therese sighed, running her hands through her hair with some desperation while she let out a deep sigh. Her brain was feeling full with information but at the same time, she thought she had nothing at all and it was a very frustrating sensation. Endless times she had tried to convince herself that she hadn't found anything because there was nothing to be found, but she couldn’t ignore what other people now had pointed out.

In her mind, the most far fetched idea she’d ever had had started to formulate, but almost immediately she tried to push it away, reproaching herself for what felt like a desperate attempt and reaching the conclusion that she would have to do something risky if she wanted to fish for something more substantial, instead of coming up with the craziest ideas.

 

* * *

 

Carol was leaning against the tree with her eyes closed, feeling a little bit sleepy due to the warm weather of the day while she waited for Therese. The young woman had caught her when she was making her way to the cafeteria and in all her seriousness, she had told her that she needed to discuss something with her, seeming a little restless. Carol had been so puzzled that she only managed to nod, forgetting it was her lunchtime and following her once she started moving but when they were about to leave the center, Therese had stopped, making Carol look at her anxiously to see how her features went from indecision to full certainty and when she turned to face her, she gave her one of her loveliest smiles, relaxing her immediately.

She told her to wait ‘you know where’ while she fetched some things she had forgotten and she had been waiting for about five minutes when she finally heard the steps, making her open one of her eyes lazily but when she caught sight of the approaching image, she couldn’t help but open her eyes with shock. “Is that a cat?!” She was also carrying her satchel but that was not as surprising, only out of the ordinary.

The brunette laughed softly at Carol’s dumbfounded expression. “Technically a kitten.” She laughed again when Carol rolled her eyes, mumbling that “ _it’s the same thing._ ”

“How in the world did you manage to bring a kitten?” Therese didn’t miss the fact that she was using the correct word despite her complaint.

“The hospital brought them, actually. There were some talks about it and they finally decided to try Pet Therapy.” She took off her satchel, dropping it next to Carol’s legs.

“So … you stole it and left someone without one?” There was amusement in her voice and even though Therese knew that wasn’t the case, she still blushed as if she was guilty of something.

“I borrowed it – there’s a difference. And there were more than enough,” she said defensively.

When Therese handed the animal to her, Carol could only look at it before looking at the woman that was holding it. She wasn’t afraid of animals, not at all, but she wasn’t used to interacting with them. It had never been necessary. “Are you trying a new kind of therapy with me?” She narrowed her eyes.

“Not at all. I love cats and I wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity.” It was the truth, although she did want to see Carol with it but that was just a personal desire. “I need you to hold it for a moment while I deal with this thing.” She kicked her satchel softly with the tip of her shoe to indicate what she meant.

Carol wasn’t completely sure if she held the kitten because she was curious about the other thing or if it was due to her inability to refuse something Therese wanted. Either way, now she was holding a squirming kitten in her hands. She had bent her legs to be able to use her knees as support to rest her arms on them, keeping the beastie away from her. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of Therese bending to reach for her satchel and pulling something out of it. But when Carol turned her head to see what she was doing, the kitten started to mewl in a desperate way, making her frown.

“You had to pick the loudest one?”

“What can I say? It looks like I attract living creatures that have something to say,” she snickered when Carol snorted.

Carol sighed when it didn’t stop after a while and she folded her legs, bringing the kitten to her chest, where it finally went silent, snuggling its head against her body. “You are so needy,” she said but she was smiling, scratching behind its ear with her index finger in a soft motion.

She didn't realize that Therese had finished with whatever she was doing and now was looking at her with fondness, lowering herself to sit on the blanket she had put on the ground. It would be so easy to lose herself admiring her but she had specific plans she intended to fulfill. “You must be hungry.”

“It’s okay, I can eat later.” It wasn’t really a secret where she preferred to spend her time and with whom.

“Or we could eat right now.”

It was the clear self-consciousness in her voice that made Carol turn her head in her direction, more than the bizarreness of the comment. What she saw widened her eyes in surprise once again. Therese was sitting on a picnic blanket where there was a plastic container already and she was taking another out from her satchel. “Therese … what-?”

“Come on.” She patted the blanket next to her. “I would say the food is getting cold but that can’t happen with sandwiches and fruit salad.” She laughed but couldn’t hide the fact that she felt nervous.

Carol put the kitten down between them in case one of them needed to reach for it if it decided to wander around, so she could maneuver and join Therese on the blanket without standing up. The young woman was looking anywhere but at Carol, using the excuse of taking out the needed things. The blonde took the opportunity to look at her tenderness. She longed to be able to reach and tuck the hair tress that prevented her from fully admiring Therese’s beautiful face behind her ear but instead she ended up picking up the kitten once again to place it in her lap, where it laid comfortably.

“Does it have a name?” Carol asked blithely, hoping that if she didn't make a big deal of the situation, Therese would relax.

She froze for a second to give a quick glance at her before resuming her task, which consisted of placing the respective napkins and forks close to each of them. “I suppose but if I’m honest, I didn’t ask.”

“Well, we need to give it a nickname at least, I feel bad calling it … _it_.” She wrinkled her nose. “Is it a he or a she?”

Therese couldn’t help but giggle, thinking it was adorable how serious she was taking this. “A she.”

“All right, let’s see.” She made an expression as if she was giving real thought to this. “I don’t know why I’m even trying – it took me months to decide Rindy’s name.”

A heavy silence fell upon them and Therese didn’t dare to move a muscle, not even when she wanted to see Carol’s reaction. There wasn’t awkwardness or uncomfortableness between them but the sensation of delicacy was floating in the air, as if the gentlest breeze of air would overthrow a house of cards and they had to prevent it from happening. It was the first time she had mentioned that name but it was more than obvious that it was her daughter’s name. This was something huge but Therese knew she had to downplay it as the exact opposite, as if they had always referred to Carol’s daughter by her name.

“Well, it was worth it because it’s a beautiful name,” she said in a relaxed tone even when her heart was beating fast and she finally turned to look at Carol, using the pretense of handing her a juice box.

Carol looked more shocked than how Therese felt. Her eyes had widened with surprise and pain but there was something new this time; there was a slight trace of delight in her, as if she had done something that had been forbidden to her for so long. In a way that was the case, Therese thought; she herself had refused the right, like a personal punishment. After a few minutes with no reaction from her and trying to bring her back from her disconnected state, Therese got closer to Carol until their arms touched, wanting to remind her of her presence. Feeling her eyes on her, she knew it had worked, at least in a way because they still were immersed in silence although she didn’t have any problem with that. There wasn’t any hurry.

After a while, Carol finally whispered softly. “Nerinda.” Therese didn’t said anything but watched her with interest. “That was her name but she was always Rindy, unless she had misbehaved but that was never a problem with her,” she said with a watery smile.

It was painful, Therese couldn’t deny it. Those ‘was’ were truly heartbreaking but the fact that Carol was talking about her daughter without her asking first was thrilling. “I’m sure, having you as a mother,” she claimed, kvelling.

Carol sighed deeply and closed her eyes for a second, the internal battle unleashing in her, clear in her features. “I tried …” She lowered her head.

Those two words hadn’t been easy for her, Therese knew. Carol had feverishly tried to wipe out all the good coming from her that was related to Rindy. She had stopped seeing herself as a good mother after the fateful event and it was proving to be an arduous task to make her see that what had happened couldn’t erase the past. Their first discussion had to do with it: Carol had snapped at her when Therese tried to remind her of that fact and even when the blonde looked truly regretful, she hadn’t verbally apologized, letting her know that it was better to drop the subject. The doctor had lowered her head resignedly, accepting Carol’s decision even when she hated leaving her with thoughts that belittled herself. Days later, they were having a completely different conversation, making her feel like an excited child on her birthday.

When Carol didn’t say anything else, Therese reached out to take one half of a sandwich, bumping her softly with her arm to call her attention and handing it to Carol, who purposely brushed her fingers against Therese’s when she took it. Finally having the beautiful grey eyes on her, the brunette smiled reassuringly, hoping to convey with the gesture what she couldn’t say and not because she didn’t want to or didn’t have something to say; but Carol was her own worst enemy and as long as she wasn’t ready to get rid of that mindset, her words wouldn’t be useful in any way. This was a battle that Carol had to fight on her own and she was trying, although it was obvious that it wasn’t an easy task for her. That didn’t mean she couldn’t have someone in her corner though, and Therese was more than willing to be the person that reminded her how truly amazing she really was when it was necessary.

All of their movement caught the attention of their furry companion who moved enthusiastically, trying to discover what all the fuss was about. “If you attract living creatures that have something to say, I attract needy living creatures.” Carol was attempting to stop the kitten from climbing her torso and took a small slice of the food to distract her from her purpose.

“Are you saying I’m needy?” She pretended to be offended, watching Carol raise an eyebrow but when she started to smile she knew she had failed.

“Are you saying you are drawn to me?” Carol asked back, her smile growing when she caught with fascination how Therese’s face reddened completely.

It was strange, the sensation of feeling sadness and joy at the same time. For days, she had fought against anxiety when it started to happen because she refused to believe it was possible to feel two completely different emotions simultaneously. When she finally dared to address it with Therese, she told her it was to be expected. After losing her daughter, it was normal that she would be in a constant state of sorrow but she was just realizing that there was a chance to live beyond that. Yet Carol was still unaccustomed to the peculiar sensation, and more often than not she kept thinking it was something that shouldn’t be, but at least she was fighting against that thought.

“I- uhm- well …” She ran her hand through her hair, self-consciously. She didn’t know why she felt so nervous. It wasn’t as if she had been so good at hiding it, at least in her opinion. Hell, she had even _told_  her, although she admitted it had been a vague confession. But there was something about Carol directly asking that made her fret because perhaps she should be the strong one to put a stop to this. Giving a deep breath to then clear her throat, she finally whispered, “As if that is brand-new information.” Therese bit her sandwich slowly, unable to truly enjoy it, just to have something to do to not dwell on the subject, waiting for Carol to utter the words she was dreading to hear even when she knew it was the right way to go. However, what happened made her heart beat at an accelerated pace.

Carol’s hand cupped her cheek, forcing her to turn her head to her direction with softness. Her expression was impassive but the way her eyes were shining told Therese everything she needed to know. She was expecting her to say something after a moment, but Carol kept observing her as if she was admiring her for the very first time. Her eyes unlocked from hers only to travel down her face at the same time her hand moved, caressing her skin until she reached her lips. But when she slid her thumb over them, their eyes found each other once again.

“You’re trembling,” she whispered in a sultry tone.

Therese was sure that she wouldn’t have been able to talk even if Carol’s finger wasn’t touching her lips but her mind was actually screaming a “ _can you blame me?!_ ” Every part of her felt ready to burst due to the overwhelming feelings she was experiencing at the moment. Her lips were on fire and when Carol’s eyes bore into them once again, while withdrawing her finger, she was torn between craving more and, at the same time, desperate for something to happen to break the moment. And when one of them actually happened, she didn’t know if she should consider herself lucky or complain about her bad luck.

The sound that diverted their attention from each other was the kitten poking around until she found the container with the sandwiches, bored waiting for the blonde to keep feeding her and taking care of it on her own. Carol laughed at the unmoved look the animal delivered at Therese when she tried to scare her off with a soft but firm “ _hey!_ ,” more interested in pulling out the piece of food she had trapped with her teeth. She couldn’t deny it was an adorable image to see Therese puffing defeatedly and stretching out to take her in her hands while the kitten, comprehending her intentions, worked faster to succeed, even when she felt a little frustrated by the interruption.

But what would she have done otherwise? Would she have actually dared to do something? She had to admit that all rational thoughts had vanished from her mind at the moment, only able to focus on the way the porcelain skin felt under her fingers, making it easy to disregard the forbiddenness of their situation and craving more, not thinking once of all the buts that now were flooding her mind. Now, she was aware of how reckless she was behaving. She didn’t have a problem risking herself but she wasn’t alone in this and Therese would have so much to lose if they were ever discovered. Carol didn’t want to add another unforgivable thing she was responsible for to her list.

When she finally came out of her thoughts, Therese was watching her and Carol gave a quick glance at her lap, where she had placed the kitten and was holding her with one hand, using the other to feed her. The young woman smiled shyly but she was looking at her lovingly and Carol’s mind went blank again, forcing herself to shake her head discreetly and cursing inwardly when Therese looked away to bring the container with the fruit salad closer, hoping to come out of the enraptured state the brunette seemed to cause in her. She didn't want to worryingly dwell (at least for the moment) on the fact that such a task was proving to be impossible since she couldn’t tear her gaze away from her. She found everything she did fascinating and she had the sensation that her life would become much more complicated now that it was getting harder to control what she was feeling for Therese.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endless of thanks to Ligeria for betaing ^ヮ^

 

When Therese decided to do something riskier, she hadn’t really meant to sneak into Dr. Tucker’s office, but when she saw the opportunity, she acted without thinking. It looked like she had unconsciously made up her mind about what she would do without being completely aware since she had observed his routine for the last couple of days. She found out that he never locked his office unless he wasn't returning for the day which is what it led her to be in the position she was during his lunchtime.

Biting her lower lip, she looked around with trepidation, a small part of her wondering if she should really be doing this. She didn’t even know what she was looking for or where to look. Hesitating, she walked to the desk, touching the edge with her fingers while her eyes scanned the surface until she got closer to the chair. There was nothing there that call her attention; a sticky note pad next to the telephone, a desk writing board pad with two pens right in the middle and the computer placed slightly to the left. Everything so frighteningly organized. For a moment, she thought the computer was the best place to search but she rejected the idea as soon as it appeared since several people had access to the hospital system and she knew Dr. Tucker wouldn’t risk himself in that way if he was indeed hiding something.

After observing carefully how the chair was positioned, she sat, gazing at the three drawers and stretching an arm out to open the one in the middle. Two things happened when she did it. First, she was grateful that organization couldn’t be found anywhere there and the second was an overwhelming sensation of discomfort at seeing mostly personal items, which made her second guess what she was doing again. But when she was about to close the drawer, willing to get out of there, the image of Carol appeared in her mind in a quick flash, making her freeze for a second. And it seemed like that was exactly what she needed to make her uncertainty disappear. Feeling reassured now, she cleaned her sweaty palms on her coat and looked intently inside the drawer, not wanting to touch anything unless it was something she considered important.

There were several personal items and a single pill which she supposed he kept close in case of headaches but there was nothing out of the ordinary to her. Closing the drawer with more force than she should, she sighed and for a moment did nothing, losing valuable time for someone who had limited time. She could feel the frustration creeping up on her but before agreeing that tearing the office apart was a good idea, she focused on the task of inspecting the other desk drawers. It wasn’t like she was expecting to find something with a ‘Here Is What You Were Hoping To Find’ message, but she was at least hoping she could find something that let her know that she wasn’t going crazy.

After rummaging through some magazines and folders (which she opened to give a quick look), she stood up, taking care of leaving the chair in the way she had found it.  _Come on, Therese, if you wanted to hide something you would put it under lock and key. Unless … you were so sure that nobody would find it_. She closed her eyes while she ran her hands over her face, trying to sort out her thoughts to have even the slightest idea of what to look for.

She hadn’t been able to drop the idea that Dr. Tucker was deceitful with Carol’s situation. But in what way? The woman had never complained about her treatment nor said anything alarming, but others had and it was always easier to see things when you were on the outside of a situation. She also had that phone call, although she wasn’t entirely sure if it had been about Carol, but if she clung onto that … she opened her eyes abruptly, recalling his words about working on a stronger dose.

She reached for the desk as if it was going to escape from her if she didn’t hurry. She opened the middle drawer again and picked up the pill to examine it. It didn’t look as if it had been pulled or cut off of a packaging with more pills, as if that was exactly the purpose and there was nothing written on the back. She didn’t give much thought to the empty back but she couldn’t think of a single drug with one-pill presentation, at least not in the psychiatric environment. Could this pill be what Dr. Tucker was referring to? And if it was, what was it for?

“What are you doing here?”

Therese jumped, so focused on what she was doing that she hadn’t noticed when the door opened, even when it wasn’t the voice she dreaded to hear but it was still a voice that she would have prefered not to hear at that moment. Feigning a calm she wasn’t feeling, she turned her head slowly to address him. “Richard. Hi.”

The guard didn’t answer her, stepping into the office to close the door. He was frowning and pursing his lips, which wasn’t surprising. Therese hadn’t give more thought about their situation if she was honest. He hadn’t attempted to talk to her when they saw each other around the hospital and she shamefully admitted it had been quite easy to get used to it. And of course, the one time she was doing something risky, it was the time she had to be caught by someone with whom she wasn’t sure where they were standing, but by his expression it wasn't a good place.  _I am so screwed_. Therese didn’t even attempt to think of a good excuse, knowing there was no way to pull it off successfully.

But suddenly his expression changed,  and he sighed heavily as if he couldn’t go with the bad guy facade for any longer. “Dr. Tucker will be back soon, so if you don’t have permission to be here and something tells me that you don’t, you should leave.”

Therese felt like a fish out of the water. She was completely astonished by this unexpected twist; not even in her most hopeful thoughts had she believed this would be possible. Actually, she thought it was more likely that the ground would open and swallow her up than what had just happened, which was why she didn’t do anything more than look at Richard as if he was a creature from another planet.

“Come on!”

His urgent tone was what made her finally react. She was tempted to take the pill with her but she ended up leaving it where she had found it, knowing everything had to be where it belonged. She just had to be aware of some sort of change in Carol’s behavior and if there was one, she would come back to check if the pill was gone. Having some sort of goal now was exciting and terrifying, she thought while she waited for Richard to check if they could get out without a problem.

 

* * *

 

They were walking in silence until they were far enough from the “crime scene”. It was the second time Richard had saved her from what could cost her her residence and she could only feel grateful about not losing her opportunity to be close to Carol. She looked at the man questioningly, not knowing how to thank him for what he had done when the words seemed so shallow in the moment. But she knew she had to try because words were her only way.

She took a deep breath before clearing her throat. “Thank you for-”

“Don’t mention it,” he said dismissively.

Therese lowered her head for a moment, feeling awkward. She had been caught red-handed and he was acting like if it wasn’t a big deal. This should have probably calmed her down but for some reason it didn’t. It felt like he was exceedingly trying to downplay the situation and her eyes widened when an idea appeared in her mind. What if this was exactly the purpose? What if Richard had told Dr. Tucker what actually happened the first time he rescued her and now he had sent him to make her lower her guard with his ‘I’m willing to help you’ facade? _God, I’m becoming so paranoid_.

“That’s not it.” He stopped when Therese stopped, questioning him with her confused and incredulous expression. “Your face gave you away.”

So Richard was able to catch pretty much everything except a woman’s sexuality. If he only could get better at that he would be quite a catch for an actual straight woman one day. Therese would have laughed if she hadn’t been thinking about the fact that it looked like she wasn’t as good as she thought when it come to maintaining an unreadable expression, which made her hesitate about what she was doing. If Richard and Genevieve (she had asked what was wrong one time she didn’t laugh at her joke) could see through her, how could she expect to be good and successful at lying to Dr. Tucker right in his face? However, she had succeeded the first time so perhaps it was a situation that it worked when it mattered.

“It’s my way to apologize for being a jerk the last time we talked.” He kept talking, pulling her out of her absorption and there was a vulnerability in his tone that made her believe him.

“Does this means that this is the last time you will help me if I’m in a pickle?” She couldn’t help but joke and Richard snorted softly, making her smile. Because she felt more comfortable in his presence, she dared to ask to be completely sure. “Is that just it?” She didn’t wanted to sound so skeptical but it was a little hard to believe he was doing this from the bottom of his heart after their last encounter. “You didn’t do this expecting to change my mind?”

He lowered his gaze for a moment, sighing heavily. “Like I said, I was a jerk. You-” He ran a hand through his hair, looking self-conscious. “You are who you are, and just because I’m not sharp enough to see it on my own doesn’t mean I have the right to act like a crybaby.”

Therese tried but she couldn’t conceal the surprise in her face. “Wow, I … thank you.” She frowned briefly but Richard caught it.

“I don’t expect you to believe me right away, but I really hope you give me the chance to prove to you that I’m sincere.” He smiled softly, indeed looking sincere but the seriousness returned soon enough. “I don’t want to be like one of those idiotic men that can’t take a no for an answer.”

Therese looked at him fondly because he did seem worried by just thinking about it. “Don’t worry, if you are doing this it’s because you already are so much better than them.” She smiled reassuringly.

He gave her an appreciative smile but it vanished soon. “What the hell are you doing, Terry?” She would dislike the nickname forever but from now on she knew she would be able to stand it.

If it wasn’t for the raw concern in his tone, she would have kept thinking he was sent by Dr. Tucker to find out something but she knew that Richard just didn’t have in him the ability to be that good at pretending. Therese sighed, closing her eyes for a moment, trying not to feel guilty that she couldn’t be honest with him, especially after realizing he was really worried for her. “Richard, I _can’t_ tell you.” She sounded almost beseeching, hoping to convey the message that he shouldn't ask again.

She didn’t want to give him the wrong impression, that she was doing this just to be mean but she  _couldn’t_ actually talk about it with anyone else. Not only there was the chance that people would think she was losing it, they would also realize that Carol meant so much more to her than what probably should be. And while she wasn’t ashamed of the feelings she had for the woman, she didn’t want to add more risk to the situation; and, most importantly, she didn’t want to jeopardize other people just by knowing. That was why she hadn’t talked with Genevieve even when she knew she could trust in her and wanted to do it.

He looked torn, undeniably wanting to know more but at the same time wanting to respect her dilemma. “Just … be careful, I guess,” he sighed resignedly and give her a brief smile. “I know that I haven't given you a reason, but you can count on me.”

Therese tilted her head a bit, watching him with curiosity until he shifted his weight from one leg to the other, feeling nervous under her piercing gaze. “Thank you Richard, I will keep that in mind.” She smiled softly.

As to prove his words, he told her that she shouldn’t worry about the hall cameras, that he would deal with them even when he didn’t think Dr. Tucker would suspect a thing, but better to be safe than sorry. Therese frequently forgot about that little detail, just like this time, so she was relieved to hear him and she thanked him once again, observing him walk away after nodding to each other. For a moment she could do nothing but looking around while a sensation of disbelief washed her over. Of all the people she would have thought would be willing to help her if they knew, Richard had never been part of them but it was reassuring to know he was on her side in a way.

 

* * *

 

“Are you all right? You seem distracted.” Carol tried to conceal her worry.

She thought that perhaps Therese’s disengagement had something to do with her. With what had happened a few days ago exactly. Even when that day the young woman had said goodbye with a smile and looked at her longingly, Carol couldn’t stop thinking that Therese could have changed her mind. There was always that possibility and her mind didn’t waste any time reminding her every time she was alone. It was exhausting.

The day that Therese had enthusiastically talked about her encounter with Michael (the blonde knew him too, being the owner of several origami figures that were in her room) where he gave her the promised dragon figure, Carol was only able to focus on the way her lips moved. Since the day she had touched them, it was like an obsession had blossomed within her, although she was certain that it had been in her since they met but it was impossible to conceal it now. What happened next proved it.

Carol made the mistake of voicing her thoughts, only realizing she had actually said “ _I want to kiss you,_ ” when Therese looked at her with surprise, shocked, her cheeks flushing.

There was a stunned silence that lasted long enough to make Carol feel uncomfortable and self-conscious, thinking that she was a complete idiot until the young woman finally dared to speak, saying the last thing the blonde expected. “ _And what’s stopping you?_ ” It was her turn to look completely shocked. She was tempted to do it, there was no denying it. It would be easy to reach and take Therese’s face between her hands and join their lips. Her heart beat furiously in her chest just thinking about it. But instead she smiled sadly, lowering her head and whispering to Therese that she knew exactly what the reason was stopping her.

It wasn’t about her and her situation. It was about  _them_ and  _their_  situation. The last thing Carol wanted to do was to put Therese’s career at risk, more than it already was at least. They were both aware of the dangers that their closeness could bring but it also seemed like their pull was inevitable. Of course, there were also thoughts about her own unworthiness but that wasn’t the main reason this time. After that, it was as if they had reached an unspoken decision. They were aware that this went beyond a simple attraction; they knew they had strong feelings for each other but they also knew there was nothing they could do about it. It was bittersweet, having found someone who awakened in you a world full of possibilities but not having the chance to share it with them as you would like.

Therese blinked slowly, as if it was forcing herself to focus, and looked at Carol. A big part of her wanted to talk with her about the things flooding her mind, but there was also the protective part of her. What if she gave hope to Carol when there wasn’t a reason? Carol was slowing beginning to stand on her own two feet. Therese didn't want to compromise that with what, at the moment, were only crazy ideas. It didn’t matter to her if she had to carry this weight on her own.

“Of course I’m all right. I’m with you.” She smiled sincerely, pressing her forehead against Carol’s temple.

“But something’s going on with you,” Carol whispered, moving her head against Therese’s like a cat seeking contact.

“I just have a headache.” It wasn’t a lie. Her head was actually pounding painfully with the myriad of thoughts going around.

Carol let out a soft “ _oh_ _,_ ” before backing down a bit, making Therese do the same so they could look at each other in the eyes. She was about to suggest a pill but another idea formulated in her mind when her lips parted slightly to speak. Now she was looking at the young woman contemplating if she should move forward with her idea or if she should act like she was supposed to. But when she ended up patting her left thigh, signaling the brunette to rest her head on it, she cursed inwardly. _God fucking dammit_.

She expected Therese to reject the idea since it looked like she was giving it more thought than Carol had. She was even nibbling her lower lip with hesitation but perhaps the pain was so intense that she wasn’t thinking clearly because she ended up lowering her head to rest on Carol’s thigh. For a while, Therese lay on her side tensely but when she felt Carol untying her hair and running her fingers through it, she relaxed inevitably and slowly moved to lay on her back and look at the blonde who smiled tenderly, moving her hand towards Therese’s forehead.

So much for an unspoken decision, Carol thought. But this _attraction_ (she heard her mental voice growling a staunch ‘no’), this _affection_  (her voice again repeating the same word), this _love_  (there was silence this time) didn’t seem to understand logic.

Therese closed her eyes, humming pleasantly when she felt Carol’s cold palm on her forehead before the fingertips gathered in the middle to then open towards her temples, gently pressing down on the way and then returning to the center, repeating the action several times. “Feeling better, darling?” she spoke softly after a few minutes, not wanting to ruin the relaxing state in which Therese was. Neither of them were truly aware of the word that had slipped from Carol’s lips, feeling so natural to them.

“Yeah …” It wasn’t difficult for Carol to make Therese feel better with just her presence but her touch seemed to have a magical effect on her. “But if you keep at it I’m going to fall asleep.”

Carol chuckled. “I’ll wake you up if that happens.” Her fingers went back to brushing the dark locks, splitting between the two tasks.

Therese frowned with her eyes still closed and Carol caressed the skin between her eyebrows to make it disappear. “It’s not what I want. What kind of person would I be if I fell asleep while I’m with you?” But she had begun to drawl her words.

“An exhausted person with a headache. You have dealt with so much worse coming from me.” Even when it wasn’t obvious in her voice, she felt guilty for some of the things she had made her go through.

“That’s not true … nothing bad can come from you.” The raw sincerity in her voice made Carol shiver.

Carol wondered if one day she would stop feeling the sensation of awestruck incredulity at having Therese in her life. It was still hard to grasp the concept that perhaps she had done something good in life to be rewarded with such a magnificent person. She stayed silent, words becoming inadequate at that moment but at least she hoped she had conveyed the fact that the feeling was mutual with her actions. Even if nothing else ever happened between them, Carol wanted to make sure that Therese knew how special she really was and how much she meant to her.

A soft snore distracted her from her thoughts and she smiled fondly when she realized that Therese had fallen asleep against her will. She looked down at her with an expression of adoration taking over her features and she traced the porcelain skin slenderly with her fingertips. Why would Carol mind if she fell asleep? As long as she could be with her the rest were trivialities; she didn’t have any problem spending her time just admiring her.

But Therese didn’t stay asleep for long, her body knowing she wasn’t in the right place to do that but still taking the required time to recharge and feel better (she had been trying to ignore it for so long that she was mentally exhausted) and the first thing she was aware of were Carol’s fingers still playing with her hair. And when she slowly opened her eyes she could see Carol with her head against the tree, slightly tilted down to be able to look down at her and in the moment that their eyes locked, the blonde beamed at her, her eyes shining with such intensity that Therese felt sheepishly overjoyed at the pang of love that struck her.

And she couldn't help but think that she would do anything to have the chance to wake up every day to that sight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: An actual headache inspired the last scene, lol.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endless of thanks to Ligeria for betaing ^ヮ^
> 
>   
> I want to specially dedicate this chapter to Emma and Dreamer_7 ... you will know why when you read the respective parts ＾ω＾

 

It was as if she was purposefully trying to sabotage her own career, Therese thought, biting the pen she was holding distractedly. Not only she had sneaked into Dr. Tucker’s office a few days ago, but now she was about to do something just as crazy, or perhaps even more than that. It was one thing to do things on her own, but when she was about to involve someone else to do something she shouldn't be doing … Therese sighed, leaving the pen on the table to put her hands behind her neck and stretch, not caring what her coworkers might think, especially when it was most likely that they were feeling just as tired as she was.

At least she had planned everything in full detail this time, managing to get a 24 hour shift that particular day. She had even talked with Richard since she would require his help to deal with the cameras. She hadn’t shared the information why, obviously, and Therese could tell he was frustrated but he had agreed nonetheless. She was just waiting until it was time to put the plan in motion and she assumed that the best way to spend her time, instead of looking at the clock every five minutes, was drowning herself in ‘work’.

There was still so much more she needed to find out about Carol’s situation after all, and perhaps she was having a better understanding of it (although part of her was still fighting with herself, thinking that it was a movie worthy idea to be taken seriously) but as long as she didn’t have definitive proof, she felt she had nothing. The reckless idea of asking around the hospital showed up in her head but luckily she had regained her common sense before actually doing it. She knew it was going to take more time but working on her own was better than risking discovery.

She sighed once again, lifting her head to look around the room to take a breather and she smiled softly at the long dark-haired nurse with brown eyes that was looking at her. She was new and still finding her way around the place, which is why Therese felt peculiarly friendly towards her, remembering her first days, although thanks to Carol and Genevieve, she hadn’t felt out of place. One day Carol had claimed that the girl had a crush on her and Therese had snorted very unladylike but now as she saw her blushing and diverting her gaze away from her, she thought that perhaps Carol was right.

She had tried to sound nonchalant when she mentioned it but Therese had caught the insecurity in her tone. No matter how many longing looks or enamored smiles they had exchanged, without even hiding it from each other anymore, Carol couldn’t get rid of the uncertainty completely. And Therese understood, she did; it wasn’t like Carol was doubting of her but herself and Therese wished there was a way of letting her know just how much she craved her, how she only had eyes for her and that she didn’t want anyone else, even if they were ‘impossible’. She was about to be bluntly honest that day when she saw Carol frowning and knew that trying at that moment was going to be a lost cause; Carol was too stubborn sometimes.

Therese was thinking that she didn't care if she had to spend days or even months proving to Carol just that when a soft vibration from her cell phone pulled her out of her thoughts, letting her know it was midnight already. She gathered her things, not caring that perhaps she would have to reread everything again. She was very used to it by now, but at the moment, she had something more important to do.

 

* * *

 

“Carol, wake up.”

The woman buried her face in the pillow, thinking she was dreaming and that the voice was part of it, although it had sounded very real. Therese stared at her as she snuggled against the blankets, her heart skipping a beat, wondering if she had seen a more adorable image in her entire life. Shaking her head to clear her mind, this time she got closer to the bed so she could shake Carol gently while she whispered her name one more time.

This time Carol moved her head, the movement making her aware of her surroundings. With sleepy eyes, she searched for who had awakened her. “Therese ...?” When she realized it wasn’t a dream, Carol opened her eyes all of a sudden. “What the hell are you doing here?” she hissed, not offended because Therese was in her room, only incredibly surprised because of it.

“I came for you,” she said nonchalantly, as if it was something she did all the time.

Still feeling bewildered, Carol propped herself up on her elbows, looking around for some kind of proof that she hadn’t lost her mind. Everything looked normal, although she was sure that if she was indeed losing it, she wouldn’t see anything different so perhaps she wasn’t out of her mind because Therese was exactly her proof. “Are you crazy?” She thought it was ironic that she was the one asking that question.

The young woman laughed softly. “Perhaps. Come on, I have a surprise for you.”

Carol raised an eyebrow, thinking that it wasn’t possible to be more surprised than in this moment, but either she was still sleepy and she wasn’t able to think clearly or she was crazy too, because without thinking twice, she rose from the bed to sit and put on her sneakers. Therese was doing who knows what with her cell phone when Carol finally stood up, looking at the young woman with curiosity and waiting for some kind of explanation.

“We just have to wait for the signal,” she whispered mysteriously.

Carol started to feel more confused by all the secrecy, especially when she was accustomed to the sometimes overwhelming bluntness of the other woman. “You are not going to … kidnap me, are you?”

Therese drifted her eyes from the electronic device to look at Carol. Despite being in the dark (and even before the light from the cell phone became part of the equation) they were able to see each other and Carol didn’t know what to think of the amused but also serious expression adorning Therese’s face.

“Would that be so terrible?” Carol could hear the laugh in her tone.

“For me no, I don’t think so, but you would get into a lot of trouble.”

“You would be worth it though.” This time Carol looked everywhere but Therese’s way. “But no, I’m not going to kidnap you today.”

“Where are we going then?” she raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

At that moment, Therese’s cell phone beeped and she smiled at whatever she saw. “You’ll see. Come on.”

She walked to Carol to take her hand, pulling her softly towards the door which she opened a bit to confirm that nobody was around at the moment so they could get out without being seen. Even with Richard’s help, Therese had to be aware of other circumstances. They reached the elevator without any trouble, although at one point they had to stop and wait until one of the other doctors disappeared into one of the rooms to move forward.

It was there, after the doors closed, that Therese became aware that she was still holding Carol’s hand, being so previously focused on not being caught. She raised their hands with now interlaced fingers, watching them as if she had never seen such an image before until she felt the blonde’s gaze on her. Blushing at her enrapturement, she pressed the button that would take them to the roof with the hand that was holding Carol’s, not willing to let go just yet and lowering her head after doing it, not seeing the enamored way Carol was smiling at her.

 

* * *

 

So Therese wanted to take her outside. This was nothing new; if anything was different, it was because it was evening this time. All the sneaking out was understandable but not Therese’s secrecy of all this. Not that it was really important. Carol didn’t care as long as she could be with her, but it was strange. The young woman didn’t look nervous though – she even seemed somewhat excited. When the elevator’s doors opened, Therese pulled at her so Carol would follow and she thought that perhaps that was the most unnecessary gesture that ever existed. She would follow her without the need to be prompted.

It was after taking a few steps that Carol was finally able to comprehend what was going on and Therese knew her quite well to know this was going to surprise her. There was another picnic waiting for them right in one of the corners so the walls could protect them a bit from the chilly air. Everything was already set up and the moonlight, along with the light coming from the garden’s lamps, added a romantic setting to the picture, making Carol wonder if Therese had counted on that or if it was a happy coincidence.

The young woman reluctantly let Carol’s hand go to lower herself onto the blanket and she gave her companion an inquisitive look when she didn’t follow suit right away. The blonde looked flabbergasted, which wasn’t surprising for Therese, knowing it was still hard for her to grasp that there was someone in her life willing to do all this for her. She tentatively sat next to her after a moment, looking around as if she couldn’t believe what was happening until her gaze finally settled on Therese.

“I - why?”

“Because I wanted to,” she said, shrugging her shoulders and smiling sincerely.

Carol looked as if she was expecting a more detailed answer. But there was no way to provide another when Therese had spoken the raw truth because there was nothing that filled her with more joy than watching Carol enjoying and comfortable with life again. Everytime she watched her laughing or in a truly relaxed state or doing things because she wanted to do them (and to know she was the one with a front row seat), was what made Therese’s days.

Tilting her head, Carol could not believe her luck. Here there was a woman putting so much at risk just to do all of this for her. She couldn’t see herself as someone worthy of such devotion, but she _wanted_ to be. Not trusting herself if she kept looking at the dimpled beauty, she tore her gaze away from her to look at the basket that seemed to contain a couple of cupcakes and Carol wondered if Therese knew what day was.  _Of course she knows, it’s on the record_. Not that it made a difference really, she'd had several proofs that the brunette would do something like this whenever she had the chance, to try to make sure her days were special … and oh boy, was she was succeeding.

Therese reached for the container when Carol focused on it and after opening it, she offered Carol her choice of cupcakes, giggling when she pretended to take the vanilla only to change her mind at the last second and take the chocolate. They ate them in a comfortable mundane chatter, using the cold as an excuse to get closer to the other. Therese almost choked on one bite when, after eating half of her cupcake, Carol took hers and took a bite while she offered hers to Therese to take a bite. She did it, more out of instinct than anything else, completely distracted by Carol’s tongue that was licking off the little bit of frosting that had remained on the blonde’s lower lip.

Clearing her throat, Therese thought the best thing she could do was focus on finishing the cupcake and she was about to look away when she caught the amused smile on Carol’s lips, which almost made her choke again, realizing she had done it on purpose. It was one thing when Carol did things that caused a reaction in her without being totally conscious of it but having a Carol who purposefully flirted with her … she didn’t think she was going to survive unscathed, although she had a feeling that it was already too late for that.

Therese tried to fight the protest she felt in her throat when Carol stood up after finishing the cupcake to walk towards the edge wall that was in front of them to sit on it, lifting her head to contemplate the sky. It was one of the biggest perks that the Center was far from the city; the view was amazing at night and Carol hadn’t had the opportunity to delight in the view like this in so long. With anyone else, they would have felt the uneasiness creeping up on them at the image, knowing Carol’s previous history but not Therese, who had seen her progress. She would have joined her if she didn’t prefer the sight of Carol sitting there.

“Are you tired?”  It wasn’t as if she felt particularly guilty for being the reason why she wasn’t sleeping, not when Carol was looking at her contentedly but she couldn’t get rid of the dubious sensation completely.

“No, why?”

“Well, I’m meddling with your routine, after all.”

“Therese, it would never be a bother, the things you do for me. Never.” Her eyes softened, understanding quite well Therese’s insecurity.

Therese nodded with a grateful smile and after smiling back at her, the blonde returned her attention to the sky. For the young woman it was impossible to tear her eyes away from Carol who, if it was possible, looked even more gorgeous under the moonlight. Therese suddenly stood up, not even thinking of what she was about to do, as if she was dragged by an invisible force towards Carol who looked at her with a smile when she was close enough.

“Happy birthday, Carol,” she whispered, watching how her eyes widened with surprise as she stood on her tiptoes to leave a kiss on the corner of her mouth.

Their eyes met when Therese stepped back, both women becoming aware how the other’s had darkened. Their hearts started beating so hard and fast that they were sure the other one would be able to see their clothes moving at their chest height because of that. Therese smiled at Carol before turning around to go back to where she had been but her steps came to an end when she was held by the wrist and spun back towards Carol, who had lowered herself from the edge wall.

They ended up so close that they could feel the other’s breath against their skin. Therese shyly lifted her head to look at Carol, who was lowering hers until their foreheads rested together and their noses were softly brushing against one another. Releasing Therese’s wrist, Carol’s fingers caressed their way up her arm, feeling goosebumps appear on Therese’s skin because of it and listening to how the brunette’s breath hitched, making the blonde feel the urge to smile. She was overpowered by the way her body was reacting to the closeness that she wasn’t able to do anything but bite her lip, trying to conceal her reactions.

Carol pulled her head back a bit when her hand reached the young woman’s neck, placing it against one side, her thumb sliding across her jawline until it reached her chin, and moving the rest of her fingers in a delicate caress that made the one who received it shiver, so she could place her forefinger under it to lift her head, finally looking in her eyes.

Therese could feel her face getting warm and she was glad that it was night so it wouldn’t be terribly obvious how flustered she truly was but she smiled hesitatingly, feeling nervous when Carol didn’t. She parted her lips slightly, willing to come up with the most out of place thing she could think of at the moment, like the news she had read the other day about a son suing her mother only because she had turned his game console off before he had saved his game. But Carol, not wanting to give her the chance to break the moment and losing her battle to prevent it, took her softly but determinedly by the back of her neck to pull her towards her to join their lips.

For a brief moment nothing happened – it was like both women were expecting the other to pull away first but when neither of them did so, Carol felt emboldened and she parted her lips to kiss Therese’s lower lip to then repeat the action with the upper one, her hand caressing its way to the dark locks. Therese was sure she would melt in that instant despite the chilliness of the night. She could feel her body shaking with delight and when she felt Carol’s tongue caressing her lower lip, she couldn’t help the moan that escaped from her mouth. She raised her arms to wrap them around Carol’s neck, eliminating any gaps between their bodies while she parted her lips so they could deepen the kiss.

Carol had had the stupid idea that once (if ever) she had the chance to kiss Therese, the longing for her would somehow subside but the reality was proving quite the opposite. Now that Therese’s lips were claiming hers with passion, causing the butterflies in her stomach to flutter at every caress, she could feel uncontrollable desire washing over her, the kind of desire that no matter how much she was able to indulge, it would never be enough. Now that she knew how it felt to have Therese’s lips against her own and the way the young woman fit perfectly in her arms, she didn’t want to spend a single day without that feeling.

There was a slight trace of fear in them once they broke apart, thinking that the other would come to their senses and regret what happened, especially at feeling the other’s hands retreating down their bodies. But when they saw the other’s eyes shining radiantly, an adoring gaze sent their way and the undeniable happiness in their features, Therese’s hands stopped on Carol’s shoulders while Carol’s settled on Therese’s hips and any trace of fear vanished completely from them.

_I love you._

They didn’t even need to say it, both acutely aware that they were drowning in the feeling. This time when Therese smiled (the most goofy and adorable smile the blonde had ever seen that marked her dimples as never before), Carol smiled back right away, her smile widening when Therese’s hands cupped her face to pull her down to join their lips one more time. She couldn’t stop smiling, even when her lips were moving in sync with Therese’s, as if they had been doing this dance for all their life but at one point, infected by Carol’s giddiness, the young woman started to giggle, forcing them to break the kiss but not even thinking about getting out from the other's arms.

Carol placed her lips against Therese’s forehead until they were able to calm themselves, locking eyes with her once they did. “You are like an angel,” Carol whispered, her eyes dripping with love and caressing her nose with hers with endless tenderness. “ _My_ angel … flung out of space.”

Therese knew that the only reason she was still standing was because Carol was holding her by the waist securely; otherwise, she would have buckled under her wobbly legs. Not even in her most hopeful dreams did she think this would actually happen one day, no matter how much they both wanted it, but now that it had, there was no turning back. She didn’t _want_ to; she was willing to fight for this as long as Carol felt the same way. And her way to let the other woman know it was to kiss her again, feeling thrilled when she kissed her back with the same fervor.

 

* * *

 

Days later, Carol was awakened by a voice once again, but this time it wasn’t the soft and enthusiastic voice she would have liked to hear.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endless of thanks to Ligeria for betaing ^ヮ^
> 
>   
> I'm sure this chapter needs some warnings but I'm not quite sure which warnings they should be, lol. I'm between mental torture and abuse of power ... nothing too heavy but still I wanted to warned you.

 

Carol rubbed her eyes while she followed Dr. Tucker through the halls. They were on the third floor, which wasn’t a first, but it had been a long time since she had been there. It was always unsettling for her to be here because unlike on the first floor, there was never complete silence and every time Carol heard a tormented scream, she tensed, remembering the days where she couldn’t escape from her internal hell. By the time they finally reached one of the examination rooms, Carol had a thin coat of sweat covering her entirely.

She stayed by the door, trying not to flinch when Dr. Tucker turned around to lock it. She followed him with her eyes, watching him take a seat on the bench that was close to the recliner chair bed. “Come on, Carol, you know the procedure already.” He patted the bed and she was reminded of the times Therese had done the same thing, which made her lip tremble.

Oh yes, she did. And she knew that after this she would be imprisoned in the thoughts of what she had done as if she had done it that very same day, for God knows how long, unless he finally achieved what he wanted to. It wasn’t the first time they had been through this and after every time, Carol felt like it was getting harder to escape from the imprisonment of the memory. It wasn’t like she was able to completely forget what she had done, but there were days where it was in the deepest part of her mind, especially now that Therese was in her life and with this, it would be the only thing in her mind.

And she didn’t wanted to. In retrospect, she had never wanted to but she’d never doubted of the method; Dr. Tucker told her it was a way to try to ‘pull out’ the memory and she had believed him because she didn’t have any reason not to. He was there to help her, after all. And when it didn’t work, he tried to reassure her by telling her that the memory was so stuck that it was going to take a little more work than he thought but that she had to be strong if she wanted to leave the center one day. But after three years, it wasn’t easy to remain hopeful. She didn’t want to go back and feel like shit 24/7 now that she has discovered that she was still able to feel happy, despite everything. What she wanted was to get out of that room and go to Therese, where she felt safe. But Therese wasn’t in the hospital and Dr. Tucker was looking at her as if he was reading her mind.

“Carol,” he growled. “Let’s not do this in the bad way. I don’t think you want to forget a certain person again.”

Carol’s eyes filled with tears but she clenched her jaw in order to avoid spilling them. For a moment, she feared he knew what was going on between them but she was certain they would have heard something if that was the case. She finally made her way to the chair bed, walking tentatively. She tried to not pay attention to the restraints while she sat but she couldn’t control the way her heart raced when he started to secure the ones from the bottom on her legs. When he finished, he pulled out something from his lab coat pocket and he handed it to her, holding it with his index finger and thumb. Carol watched the pill before glancing at him, who gave her a lopsided smile that made her gulp and she lifted a shaky hand, palm upwards, where he placed the pill. Fleetingly, she imagined throwing the pill at him and getting the hell out of there, but she knew she wouldn’t get very far if she did.

She must have been lost in her thoughts for a while because Dr. Tucker’s voice telling her that _“it’s only a pill, Carol,”_ made her reach for the glass of water that was in the tray placed next to the chair bed. She leaned back after gulping it down, with an uncomfortable sensation in her throat as if she hadn’t swallowed the pill properly. She curled her fingers into a fist when she felt his hands around her wrists, working the restraints. Her clothes were sticking to her skin now and her breath so heavy that it was becoming hard to breathe and in her desperation, she moved her limbs like she was trying to escape.

“Calm down, there’s nothing to worry about,” he said softly, in a patronizing way, whispering orders for Carol to follow so she could breathe normally again and she did, but he thought that perhaps the pill was the reason of it because she still looked agitated. “Doesn’t it make you glad that we haven’t needed to do the combination with the electroconvulsive therapy like the other time?”

Actually he was the one who was glad. He had thought that doing it would bring a better outcome but it had proved to be a failure since the shocks had counteracted the effect of the drug. He had been so angry at all the wasted time and the fact that he had to use the electroconvulsive therapy that time to do his job only angered him more; because he was working in something revolutionary, he had created something that would change lives and he was putting in sweat and blood to perfect it – he couldn’t use unsteady methods that were discovered by others but he also couldn’t let the moment pass. He was working with a timetable and he couldn’t lose any sessions, risking all the work he had been doing.

When Carol didn’t answer, he looked at her with curiosity. She had her head down, her hair falling, making it impossible to look at her face so he put his fingers on her chin to lift it. Her eyes were open and her pupils enlarged but her gaze was completely empty as if something had been disconnected inside her and he smiled, feeling proud that he was looking at improvement in the dose already because it had never worked so fast. He reclined the chair a little and guided Carol’s head to the headrest so it wouldn't fall again.

“Carol.” He went to sit again, speaking in a sing-song tone and wait until she looked at him. “Do you remember where you are?” He always asked the obvious questions at first, the ones he knew the answer was very clear to her.

Carol’s eyes wandered for the room, moving slowly as if that simple task was exhausting. “Y-yes. In the hospital,” she added when he raised an eyebrow, expecting more.

“Good, very good.” He moved the bench closer to the furniture that was behind him so he could rest his arms on it without tearing his gaze away from her at any point. “How long have you been here?”

She sighed, closing her eyes. “Three and a half years.”

“And why are you here, Carol?” He narrowed his eyes.

“Because …” She pursed her lips when she couldn’t answer right away.

“Because you killed your daughter, Carol, remember?”

A painful whimper escaped from her mouth. “No, I-”

“You did, Carol, you told me yourself that you did it and how you did it.” He tilted his head when Carol moved restlessly, the sound of the restraints echoing in the room. “You told me that you went to her room while she was sleeping and that you slit her throat.” He slowly repeated the words he had said countless times by now as a kind of trigger.

He had been trying to plant the whole picture in Carol’s mind for so long but it hadn’t stuck in the way he needed it. Carol remembered some things but he had failed to make the full picture remain in her memory; on the bright side, every time he worked to improve the dose it was proving to last a little longer and he knew it was only matter of time for her brain to wrap around it and convince her that it had happened and that  _she_ had done it.

“N-no, I- I don’t-” but she stopped when she felt a stabbing pain in her head, a sudden image flashing behind her eyelids, giving sense to the words she was hearing.

Carol could see the image clearly now. She walking into her daughter’s room, holding something in her right hand, her footsteps muffled by the carpet. When in her mind saw the perfect image of Rindy sleeping peacefully, she tightly closed her eyes as a painful whimper escaped from her mouth. She yanked her arms in a sharp movement, not even aware of the restraints digging into her skin and when the image changed to her approaching with the knife to the helpless girl on the bed, she whispered desperate noes, moving violently as if she could be able to stop it if she tried.

“You murdered a poor and innocent little girl who trusted in you to take care of her and protect her, and you didn’t – you actually did all the opposite.” His words sounded as if they were coming from afar but at the same time they extremely clear as if he was speaking next to her ear. “I want to help you to overcome this, Carol, but killing your own daughter?” he said mockingly. “That has to be something unforgettable, don’t you agree? No matter how much help you can get.”

When Carol started to cry with heart-wrenching anguish that would have her gasping for air sooner rather than later, she stopped fighting and her body went limp, giving Dr. Tucker the chance to get closer to free her arms and legs, smiling slyly and hoping that this time the duration was the one they were expecting it to be.

 

* * *

 

Therese tried to hide a yawn as she entered the hospital. She had awakened early in the morning, much earlier than her usual time and she hadn’t been able to fall into a deep sleep once again, waking every so often. She had an uneasy sensation which bothered her to no end because she was convinced there was no reason for it, especially when things with Carol were beyond amazing.

The day it happened, they hadn’t talked about their kiss-  _kisses_ , in fact, spending the rest of their time together giggling and kissing and hugging like two teenagers having their first relationship, who couldn’t get enough of the other person. They knew that once the clock struck 8 a.m. they wouldn’t see each other until the next day, so they wanted to take advantage of the time they had even if it meant Carol would sacrifice her sleep.

And the day she was back at the hospital, Therese tried to control herself to not run towards the exam room where she first saw Carol everyday. But when the blonde entered without even looking at her to sit on the exam table, all her blissfulness was shattered. She had been dumbfounded and in an attempt to hide it from the other woman, she had turned her back to her, resting her hands on the counter to support her weight on her arms and closing her eyes when she felt the tears gathering. She was about to lose her composure when she felt Carol’s presence behind her and Therese lowered her head sadly, resigned to the situation just to be surprised by an arm sneaking around her waist, pulling her softly toward its owner.

Therese had tensed when she felt Carol’s head resting against hers but soon she relaxed, feeling the previous joy taking over every part of her body, wiping out any trace of the despair she was feeling before as if it had never been there. It was scary that Carol held such power over her. Now that they had lowered every wall between them it was clear and it was scary because nobody had had that kind of effect on her before. She used to be so wary in her previous relationships, never giving herself completely but now she was aware of being at Carol’s mercy, that she would do absolutely anything for her.

Therese turned her head when she felt Carol’s hand on her jaw and when their eyes met, her heart skipped a beat. Carol’s eyes were apologetic and the young woman realized that she had misinterpreted what had happened and when in her ear were whispered the words  _“I wasn’t sure if you hadn’t changed your mind,”_  she had the confirmation. And god, how could she even? Not even the fact that this was putting her career in jeopardy was able to change her mind. She  _cared_  but if she was honest with herself, it was mostly because being discovered would mean being pulled away from Carol.

Managing to turn around without freeing herself from Carol’s arms, Therese took her face between her hands, holding her delicately and her eyes softening with affection while her lips lifted in a tender smile. She placed her thumbs over Carol’s lips, caressing the outline to leave a gentle kiss afterwards without gazing away from the grey eyes, trying to convey the ‘this is what I want, _you_ are what I want’ message with every gesture. And Carol sighed, smiling, relieved and looking at her as if Therese was the most precious thing in the world because for her, she was.

For once, they didn’t want to think about the possible consequences; they knew it wasn’t the moment nor the place to have a relationship – hell, they couldn’t even say if that was what this was but all their concerns about their feelings had vanished in the moment they had kissed. And that’s how they had been spending their days since Carol’s birthday, exchanging fleeting but significant moments behind closed doors with Therese marvelling at the self-confident side Carol began to show day after day that left like a blushing mess while the other woman smiled mischievously and winked at her before getting out of the room.

Now, after leaving her stuff in her locker she waited for Carol in the exam room they normally used, trying not to make a big deal at the fact that she hadn't arrived after ten minutes because she was never punctual, after all. But the uneasy sensation started to increase each second she spent without seeing her, so she stepped out of the room to look for her in the other rooms, her heartbeat racing when she couldn’t find her anywhere. The last place to check was her room and Therese held her breath when she knocked on the door without receiving an answer. She didn’t think when her hand reached for the doorknob, she didn’t think that perhaps she should find someone who had a clear head when it came to Carol … and she wished she had because the image that greeted her shocked her to the core.

Carol wasn’t in the bed or pacing around the room getting ready for the day – she was sitting on the floor in one of the corners with her legs bent close to her body, her elbows resting on her knees and her face hidden between her hands. Therese had seen her completely affected before but this seemed to be even worse. She was shaking so violently that for a moment the young woman thought that she was actually physically ill because it couldn’t be normal to be shaking in that way. Between the heartbreaking sobs that made her heart ache, she could hear her whispering something that she couldn’t quite understand.

Therese hadn’t even realized she had moved but now was kneeling down in front of Carol, biting her lower lip so she wouldn’t start crying. “C-Carol?” She hated herself for her cracking voice and she cleared her throat before trying again.

Nothing. Not even the slightest movement to let her know that the woman was aware of her presence. Therese dared to put a hand on her head which perhaps wasn’t the smartest idea but she was desperate to have some sort of reaction from Carol instead of watching her completely locked in the state she was but not even that worked out, her body was so tensed that probably she hadn’t even felt a thing though she was still whispering and since that could be her only key to do something, Therese inched closer to be able to hear her.

“ _I_ killed her, _I_ killed her, _I_ killed her…”

At that moment, all the unconnected dots finally came together in her mind. She had been so worried, and then so shocked when she realized she now had the proof she wanted, which filled her with dread. She knew that if she went to Dr. Tucker’s office the pill wouldn’t be there anymore and her stomach churned with repulsion, almost making her run to the bathroom but she focused on the fact that Carol needed her at the moment. She tried to ignore the annoying voice that reminded her that this was her fault for not taking the pill to avoid this when she had the chance.

“Carol … Carol, look at me.” Her voice sounded more firm now although her body was trembling. She wouldn’t let him win, she just hoped that it wasn’t too late to do something about it.

When the blonde still didn’t react to her, Therese forced her to look at her by pulling her arms down and taking her head in her hands. Carol’s eyes were so puffy and red that it was clear she had spent all the night crying and Therese felt her chin quivering, thinking of a lonely Carol having to go through this alone. When the grey eyes fixed on the green ones, Therese couldn’t contain the sob that escaped from her mouth. She seemed so lost and broken, her eyes moving from one place to another agitatedly and when they finally stopped on the doctor, for a moment Therese feared that she didn’t knew who she was because there wasn’t a single trace of recognition in them.

“T-Therese?” she finally said after what felt like an eternity and the brunette almost lost her balance at the overwhelming relief she felt. But before she could answer, Carol was backing down (or at least trying since she couldn’t go so far when she was already against the wall) in an attempt to get away from her and she managed to free her head from her hands. “No … you need to leave …”

“I’m not going to leave you,” she whispered kindly while holding her by her wrists since the woman was using her arms as a way to keep their distance but when Carol hissed in pain, she let her go as if she had been burned and she felt a pang of anger at what she saw.

Carol’s wrists were darkly bruised and Therese, with trembling hands, held them again, this time softly, brushing her thumb against the wounds. There was an angry line above the wrist bone and another at a distance of about 8 centimeters from the first on the forearm, and she knew very well what it had caused them after witnessing several restrained patients. Therese was now seething with anger. She didn’t consider herself a violent person but if at this moment Dr. Tucker appeared in her sight, she wouldn’t be able to control herself because who did he think he was to have the right to mess with a person’s life! To ruin an innocent life for whatever reason? It didn’t even matter his reason, there was no reason worthy enough to do something like this.

The only thing that was capable to bring her out of her thoughts and put her anger aside for the time being was Carol’s desperate whimper. “Please, Therese … _please_ … just leave.”

This time Therese couldn’t help shedding a tear. It wasn’t that Carol didn’t want her or that she felt ashamed to be discovered in such state but it was obvious that she was terrified of hurting her. She was completely locked in a memory of hurting someone else that she couldn’t see beyond that but what kind of person would she be if she did what Carol was requesting when her torment was painfully evident? But her decision became clear, even if it wasn’t the one she wanted, when Carol’s breathing became heavy and labored. She wasn’t going to provoke a panic attack no matter how much she wanted to remain at her side.

Therese hugged herself when she stood up and she wiped away the tears before walking to the door. If she wasn’t able to be there as a friend or something more, at least she could attempt to be a doctor for once. She called the nurse that was rushing through the hall and she felt glad that it was Alice, the lovely nurse who blushed whenever Therese was paying attention to her. If there was someone in which she could trust Carol’s care it was her. At least she hoped so. Therese had to bite her tongue so one of her requests wasn’t that Dr. Tucker couldn’t get closer to her. It wasn't in the least bit comforting but she had the solace that he wouldn’t do anything to her at the moment since he already had.

As she expected, Carol didn’t put up a fight when another person got closer to her; she was only afraid to hurt the people who mattered and Therese was sure that the fact that she had a restless night was finally taking its toll too. She was waiting in the hall resting against the wall, feeling a strange calmness that she supposed had to do with the fact that Carol was in good hands and she would be informed of whatever happened. She watched how they were taking care of her but when she turned her head to one side and saw Dr. Tucker, she saw red and nothing else.

She wasn’t sure if she was going to lash out at him verbally or physically but she knew she was going to do something although at the moment she stepped towards him, she was stopped by someone holding her by the arm. Turning around angrily, Therese was ready to send whoever it was to hell but when she saw Genevieve’s worried expression, all the anger that was keeping her together vanished and her eyes filled with tears that she knew she wouldn’t be able to hold for long. For this reason, she allowed the other woman to pull her by the arm to take her out of there before someone else, especially him, focused their attention on her.

 

* * *

 

They hadn't talked since they left the hospital beyond the moment in the parking lot where Genevieve had asked for her car keys because once she was in the comfort of her vehicle, Therese started to weep, making it impossible to talk. She hadn’t been able to stop until the moment they were in her apartment (she had to stammer her address several times between sobs) where her friend offered her comfort in a hug. Therese had clung to her, thankful for the gesture but part of her couldn’t help but want to be in somebody else’s arms. She needed Carol more than ever at that moment and the fact that she knew that the blonde was in a worse position than hers only made her start crying again.

Therese didn't realize they had moved until Genevieve was prompting her to lie down on the bed and she did it mostly because she felt boneless and she couldn’t find the strength to resist her friend’s wishes, even when she knew that this new discovery brought so much to do. The moment her head touched the pillow, her eyelids felt heavy and the last thing she was aware of was Genevieve putting a blanket over her to then squeeze her shoulder softly.

She didn’t know how long her slumber lasted since her restless sleep didn’t help her case. When she opened her eyes, she still felt emotionally and physically exhausted but she reached for her cellphone (catching the heaviness of the situation, Genevieve had let it on the nightstand) not knowing if it was a good or bad sign that she didn’t have a message.

Genevieve was sitting on one of the living room couches when Therese came out of her bedroom, flipping through a magazine that she placed down on her lap when she saw her. “Hey, how are you feeling?” She was trying to not make her concern so obvious but she had been so worried for her that she wasn’t able to hide it completely.

Therese shrugged, thinking it was a better answer than trying to explain how she really felt. She sat on the single sofa, placing her legs under her and she ran her hands down her face. There was a tense silence while the gesture lasted but then she smiled weakly but sincerely at Genevieve. “Thank you for everything you have done today for me.”

“Don’t mention it.” Genevieve shrugged her shoulders. Therese was her friend and she would do everything she could to help her when it was needed.

Therese tilted her head, watching her friend with curiosity. It was clear that she was dying to know what was going on but she didn’t want to force her to talk. The fact that she had picked up the magazine to go back to flipping through it as if they were two friends that hanged out all the time was a big clue. She nibbled her lower lip, pondering if she should tell her. If it wasn't for Genevieve, who knows what would have happened in the hospital; perhaps she would be giving her declaration of why she had punched her colleague to then be laughed at her explanation because in the end he was a renowned doctor and she was merely a resident and his word had more weight than hers.

She now had the proof and that was enough for her but if she wanted to make the situation known so there was a chance to do something about it. She needed to have more substantial proof and she was starting to think, as her gaze focused on the takeaway containers that were over the coffee table that she hadn’t seen before, that she would need the help she was trying to avoid to not get anyone in trouble but she was beginning to see an insight she hadn’t considered before.

“Will you ever tell me what’s going on?” The strangled voice pulled her out of her thoughts, making her think that Genevieve loathed the fact that she was asking when she had been trying to allow Therese to take her time.

“I think you are going to find out sooner rather than later without me needing to tell you.” Especially now that she had made up her mind about her recent idea. Genevieve looked as if she wanted to retort but Therese hurried to keep talking. “Can you do me a favour?” She felt like she didn’t have any right to request more from her, not when she had claimed that she wasn’t going to tell her what she wanted to know. It wouldn’t be surprising if her friend refused; she was actually expecting that.

But Genevieve only sighed deeply, perhaps somehow tiredly, closing her eyes for a moment. When she opened them back, she was looking at her fondly but also a little bit frustrated. “Of course.”

“Could you call Miss Gerhard for me and ask her to meet me here on Saturday?” She freed one leg under her body to use it as support when she stretched for one of the food containers. The last thing she wanted was to fall face first on the floor.

“Call Ab-,” Therese missed the way Genevieve blushed before correcting herself. “Call Miss Gerhard? Does it has to do with what happened today?”

Therese was playing with the food, wondering if she was ever going to get her appetite back after that day but she was going to take any chance to distract herself, even if that meant to count the rice grains one by one. It was hard when every one of her heartbeats seemed to be screaming Carol’s name and she ached every single time because of it. At least having Genevieve keeping her company was helping a lot at the moment. And yes, they were talking about the situation but in a weird way that was helping Therese to put her ideas in order.

“Yeah ... I don’t want her to worry though, so … umm, if you could tell her that it’s urgent but that Carol is fine and actually assure her of that, it would be great.” She bit her lower lip with apprehension. “Because the last thing I need is her trying to contact someone in the hospital to ask questions.”

For Genevieve, it was clear to who she was referring – she had seen her reaction in the hospital after all and now it started to make sense why Therese was pretty vague about all this. The things this could entail … she finally nodded after a moment. “I will take care of that, don’t worry.” She was willing to help her in whatever way she could.

 

* * *

 

It had been a hard week and Therese felt ashamed to be glad it was finally over and she would have two days to recuperate. Being with Carol at the moment was like having an open wound where salt was poured over it over and over again. The worst part was that she had to pretend that her current state wasn’t affecting her and that she was only seeing it with professional eyes. She had realized they were under scrutiny, which more than anything, was an assumption because she never actually caught Dr. Tucker in her sight when she was looking for him but she could just feel it. If her first instinct had proven to be right, she wasn’t going to doubt it now.

That had made impossible trying to do something about Carol. They hadn’t been able to go outside, although with Carol’s regression, Therese had the feeling she wouldn’t have agreed to that. It was even worse than being at square one because when they had known each other, the blonde had been open, if perhaps a little suspicious if it could work, to give her a chance but now it was painfully clear the distance she had created between them. And Therese now understood how it felt when people referred to missing someone even if they were right next to you.

Therese sighed before getting up. Today was the day Abby was coming and even if she still had a few hours to get ready, with so many things in her head, she wouldn’t be able to relax. All week she had been trying to decide which was the best way to explain what she needed to say and all the ways seemed too crazy even for her. But Abby was her only option to try to stop all this madness. She was placing all her hopes here and even with the highest risk of not being believed, Therese was going to do it.

After freshening up, she started to rearrange her apartment (not that it was actually needed) just to distract herself while she was waiting and it worked its wonders because Therese didn’t even realize the time had passed until she was startled by the knock on the door. She looked at her reflection in the television screen, wondering if she should have picked a more formal attire instead of jeans and a loose t-shirt but it was too late to change now, so she tucked a strand of hair that had freed from her ponytail behind her ear nervously and walked to the door.

Abby smiled at her when she saw her and even when that wasn’t enough to calm her down, Therese managed to smile back at her in a sincerely grateful way. Luckily, Carol had formally introduced them one day and this wasn’t as awkward as it could have been if that hadn’t happened. “Thanks for coming, Miss Gerhard.” She made a gesture with her hand, moving a bit so she could enter.

Abby made a face as if she had tasted something disgusting when she passed next to her and for a brief second,  Therese thought she had left something inappropriate around the apartment, only to inwardly give a sigh of relief when the woman spoke. “Just Abby, please. We don’t need to be so formal outside the hospital, don’t you think?”

Therese nodded, feeling overly self-conscious when the brown eyes fixed on her, filled with such intensity that for one moment she could only place her thumbs on her jeans pockets, balancing her weight between the tips of her toes and heels, like a little girl that was under some sort of examination.  _Terrific impression you are giving her_. That was enough to make her stop, blushing when she saw the amused expression on Abby’s face.

“I’m being a terrible hostess, please take a seat.” She waited until she did so to continue. “Can I offer you something to drink? I made coffee …”

“Coffee is fine, Therese, thank you.”

Abby followed her with her gaze, taking advantage that the kitchen and the living room were conjoined. It had been a huge challenge to wait all week, but she trusted Genevieve’s words and she trusted in Therese when it came to Carol. How could she not when she had seen the way they looked at each other and when she had seen her friend coming back to life thanks to her? Carol had been more prone to laugh, to joke, to simply enjoy and Abby was well aware that everything had to do with the woman she was with.

When Therese came back, she was holding a cup in one hand and a sugar bowl in the other, things that she placed on the coffee table in front of Abby, who thanked her and then proceeded to sweeten it. “You are not going to have some?”

“Oh no, I drank a couple of cups before you arrived.” She was already too fidgety to add more caffeine to the mix.

“All right …” She moved her hand in a lazy manner, drawing circles inside the cup with the spoon and watching her with inquisitiveness. “I don’t want you to take this as pressure, although I’m curious to know what you want to talk with me but you look like you are about to burst if you don’t say something soon.” She tried to keep a smooth tone so the young woman could relax.

There was a silence where Therese only nodded and sat for a second, running her hands over her jeans to dry the sweat she felt on her palms. She then immediately stood up, walking from the couch to the bookcase, feeling Abby’s eyes on her, and pondering what was the best way to begin to explain all this chaos but when her lips parted, the thing that came out of her mouth was the last thing she expected, surprising even herself.

“I’m fairly certain that Rindy is alive.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy whatever you celebrate, you guys! I hope you have a great time in what you decide to do these days :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endless of thanks to Ligeria for betaing ^ヮ^

 

Therese imagined this is how animals must feel after being observed for most of the day, although Abby was watching her with widened eyes and opened mouth as if a second head had just sprouted from her neck. She couldn’t blame her though; her opening had been what perhaps was the last thing they should have discussed after a long and detailed explanation but when Genevieve had left the other day, Therese had been shuffling all the information she now had and it was easy for her to reach that conclusion.

Dr. Tucker was fervently trying to implant a memory in Carol’s brain and that could only mean that it wasn’t real. And if Carol didn’t killed her daughter, then she could be alive because the other option was that somebody else murdered her and framed Carol for it. She knew there was another person involved in this from Dr. Tucker’s call and she had an idea of who could it be but to be certain she needed to ask Abby about Carol’s personal life since she couldn’t talk with her at the moment.

“I beg your pardon?” There wasn’t softness in Abby’s voice anymore; in fact, there was a slight edge now.

Therese bit her lip nervously and began to play with her hands. _You can’t ruin this. You already messed up opening with that, you can’t do it again because she’s the only one who can help you._ She walked tentatively towards Abby, sitting in front of her on the coffee table. She gulped when she realized she was observed with distrust now and she took a deep breath as if she was taking courage.

“I- I didn’t mean to say that.” For a moment Abby seemed angry, as if she was thinking that Therese was pranking her in a not-at-all-funny way so she hurried to clarify. “Actually, I do think that but I meant to explain to you why I think that before saying it.” She gave her guest a quick glimpse. “I- I know this is going to sound like craziness … I- I have been dwelling on the subject for months and I still can’t believe it but,” she held Abby’s gaze even when it was hard to be under such scrutiny, “I need you to listen to me for Carol’s sake, please.”

Waiting for some sort of response was torture, but Therese endured it like a champ and after a few minutes of silence, she began to think that she would be willing to do a little bit of begging if Abby stood up at that moment when the woman nodded curtly, making her sigh, relieved. It was harsh, if she was honest with herself, talking and watching Abby’s skeptical expressions but she tried to take as a good sign that she wasn’t being interrupted. She shared every single detail of all the information she had gathered and for a fleeting moment, the stupid idea that perhaps it would have been a good idea to create some kind of presentation to have a more formal credibility appeared in her mind.

When Therese stopped talking, she moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue, wishing to have brought a bottle of water while Abby raised an eyebrow. “You mean to tell me that the hospital is brainwashing Carol?”

“So to speak. And not the hospital … just Dr. Tucker.”

“Do you have any idea how … preposterous that sounds?” Therese couldn’t blame her for the almost amused tone in her voice, she really couldn’t, but that didn’t make it any less upsetting.

“Believe me, Abby, I know.” She stood up, feeling antsy and pacing around the living room, never leaving Abby’s sight. “But you have to understand where I’m coming from. It’s not only wishful thinking on my part. The conversation on the phone, a pill that I’d never seen before, Carol’s state on Monday … I have never seen her like that, it was horrible and I ...” Her lower lip trembled and she bit it hard in an attempt to keep it together.

Therese was getting so upset that Abby went to her to put her hands over her shoulders to focus her attention on her. “All right. More than anything, calm down.”

The green eyes were shining with tears that their owner was fighting to not spill and Abby felt a pang of affection. She could understand the worry the young woman was feeling; she had felt it years ago, along with the impotence of not being able to help her best friend when she needed it the most. And she knew there really wasn’t much difference just because Therese had the professional knowledge – there was a personal connection between her and Carol and everyone knew what it was said about doctors treating their loved ones because feelings outweighed logic and knowledge.

Guiding her with a soft push, Abby forced Therese to sit on the couch and without saying anything, she went to the kitchen, moving around as if she was the owner of the place. If they were going to have this conversation, she thought they deserved a stronger drink but after opening the fridge and a couple of cabinets she realized that coffee and water would have to be enough. So after getting a bottle of water for Therese, she made her way back to her, not saying anything when she caught her wiping her cheeks with her fingers.

Abby handed her the bottle of water while she sat next to her on the couch, facing her and placing her arm over the backrest. “I know you don’t believe me,” she said, finally daring to break the silence.

“I want to believe you, Therese. Because if you are in fact right, that would mean that my goddaughter … that Carol’s daughter is alive.” She smiled sadly. “But I have to admit that this sounds too good to be true.”

“But is right there, Abby. I know it’s hard to believe when everything is mainly based on a hunch but there are so many things pointing out that something’s wrong to keep ignoring it,” she said a little desperately.

“What would Dr. Tucker gain from all of this?” She rested her head on her hand, watching her with curiosity.

“He thrives on his work, his work is everything to him. It doesn’t make him any less guilty but he wasn’t the one who orchestrated all this – he only jumped at the opportunity to make a huge discovery in medicine,” and oh boy if he had. He had created a drug able to create memories in someone’s brain and that, even though it presented a lot of morality issues for Therese, she couldn’t deny that it was something huge. “But there’s someone who wants to make Carol suffer for the rest of her life, someone who wants to punish her.”

“And you already have someone in mind.” It clearly wasn’t a question.

Therese lowered her face when she felt herself blushing. It was making her self-conscious being here talking with so much conviction about Carol’s situation with someone who had known her for practically all her life. It made her feel like she didn’t have the right to, even when she was more acquainted with what was happening at the center. But if she didn’t fight against it, things could get perhaps so much worse for Carol and if she was the only one willing to step up to help her recover what she thought she had lost, Therese would do everything in her power to do it.

“How did things end between Carol and Harge?” She felt sheepish but she was sending a decided vibe.

For a moment Abby frowned, thinking Therese was changing the subject but when realization hit, her eyes widened a bit. “What are you-?” But the restless expression on the brunette stopped her and she decided it was better answering before asking questions. “When Carol decided she wanted the divorce, he was upset and it took him a while to get used to the idea. It was a normal reaction to me. I actually found it more strange when he started to act … friendly with all this, like he’d had a change of attitude.” She looked pensive.

Therese focused her gaze on the bottle she was holding. “And after Rindy’s situation?”

“He was angry more than shocked, now that I think about it. The moment he knew, he started screaming at her and was ready to call the police. But you should know better than me that people deal with loss in different ways.” She closed her eyes after watching Therese nodding distractedly, remembering that horrible day. She hadn't had the chance to mourn for the loss of Rindy until later in the night when she was alone, after ensuring Carol was safe in the hospital.

“I- I truly hate to ask this but,” she ran her hand through her hair with distress, “did you see Rindy’s body?”

The silence that followed felt eternal even when Abby only took a few seconds to answer. “No … when I tried, they didn’t allow me to get into her room, saying that I could compromise the crime scene and afterwards, I was too focused on Carol to even think about seeing her body. And before you ask,” she waved her hand, “no, I didn’t go to her funeral. Harge forbade me from it.” The anger was clear in her words. “He said that he couldn’t allow the person who supported her _murderess_ to be present.”

Therese nodded again, curtly. “And how did you know about the center? I know you were the one who brought her there, but for what the medical record said you did it immediately after it happened, as if you had known about the place beforehand.”

Abby didn’t answer right away, as if she was forcing herself to remember exactly how it had happened and Therese appreciated the effort because details was what she needed. “I saw a flyer about it … it was in the mail I got at the office, days before it happened.” She couldn’t distinguish if everything made sense because it was true or if Therese was just good at selling the story but her heart began to pound furiously. “Are you trying to say that-?”

“Yes, I am,” she interrupted, standing up to start pacing around once again.

It made complete sense now. She didn’t personally know Harge but she was aware of the horrible and crazy things people could do when their egos had been hurt and with the last piece of information she had heard, it was obvious that everything was carefully arranged so Carol ended up directly in Dr. Tucker’s hands, since he was the renowned doctor in the Niagara Falls Psychiatric Center. There was something thrilling at having the whole picture revealed but it was all so overwhelming that Therese couldn’t hide a sob, but Abby was too stunned to do something about it.

“How could he? How dare he?!”

Startled by the sudden outburst of her guest, Therese shift her attention to the woman who was now standing and heading determinedly to the door. “What do you think you are doing?” She moved quickly to block her way.

“What do you think? I’m going to kill them!” She tried to push her out of her way but Therese gripped her arms, her eyes widening a bit at the hot-headed nature of the woman.

“Abby, listen to me. I understand you better than anyone at the moment, but we can’t go and blurt out all of this just like that.” Once she had caught her attention, Therese guided her back to the couch, sitting with her. “The truth is that I’m only a resident and he’s a doctor and nobody would believe me or you if we say something about it. We have to be smarter than he is in order to help Carol.” She paused briefly. “And they don’t deserve death anyway.” Abby looked so offended that she didn’t share her opinion that it almost made Therese laugh. “They don’t – that would be considered a good outcome for them … in my opinion, they deserve what they wanted to make Carol believe.” Abby was now looking at her with curious interest, and she raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “Yeah, they deserve to actually lose what is most important to them.” She shrugged.

Therese didn’t think her words would have any effect, especially when Abby still looked ready to bolt out of the apartment with a frown on her face and her body completely tensed. But all of a sudden her body went limp and she rested her head in her hand, shaking it from side to side. “I’m the worst friend ever.”

Her eyebrows curled in sadness at the broken tone. “Don’t. Don’t do this to yourself. There was no way you could have suspected anything.” She placed her hand on Abby’s back for a brief moment, rubbing comfortingly.

“You did.”

Therese knew Abby wasn’t reproaching her for that fact but blaming herself for not seeing anything wrong, but she still felt uncomfortable. “It’s not a competition, Abby,” she whispered, although she could understand why she had an issue with the fact that a person who didn’t even have a year of knowing Carol, had seen something wicked in a situation she had been witnessing for over three years.

When Abby looked at her, Therese saw the unshed tears in her eyes and she knew that it was more likely for Dr. Tucker to admit what he had done than to see Abby crying in front of her. “So, now what?” she asked after a moment of silence. “We have to do something, Therese.”

“Of course we do, but like I said, we have to outwit him. We can’t go to the hospital and create mayhem.” Oh, she wanted to, she wanted nothing more in the world, knowing what kind of person he was but she also knew that acting reckless wouldn’t help her case.

“And do you have an idea?”

“I’m on it.” And she was, but it was incredibly risky, and likely to put hers and Abby’s career on the line if things didn’t work out well. She needed to leave the option of leaving Abby in the background in case it didn’t work so she could find another way to help Carol if Therese failed. “But I need to know that I can count on you no matter what, because I can’t do this alone.”

“Absolutely,” she claimed decisively while nodding.

“Then I have a request.” Therese licked her lips nervously, knowing that this wasn’t going to be easy. “You have to promise me you won’t do anything at all unless I ask you to.” The tension during the brief pause could be cut with a knife. “I know this doesn’t come easy for you and that asking you to trust me when you practically don’t even know me is too much but Abby,” she closed her eyes, gulping down the lump in her throat but not bothering to try to conceal her vulnerability, “you have to believe me when I say that I would do anything, absolutely _anything_ to help Carol.”

She tried to hold Abby’s gaze but the woman had adopted an impassive expression, which wasn’t making it easy as neither remained still on the couch. But then Abby smiled, a tired and almost imperceivable smile but a smile nevertheless. “I believe you, Therese. I do.”

And Therese felt like she was finally able to breathe again.

 

* * *

 

Carol was watching Therese with a mix of sadness and annoyance. In other circumstances, she would have snorted at the fact that once again the young woman seemed to be the only one with the ability to bring all the emotion out of her, to make her react from her catatonic state in which she had been submerged for the last two and a half weeks. The first time was surprising, that she had the power to ‘bring her back to life’, but this time – even if she didn’t particularly expect it – it wasn’t, because Carol already knew quite well the effect Therese could have on her, and it was even more heightened because of all that had happened between them.

The doctor had her back turned on her, writing on the paper sheets as usual but in a way it felt different because the previous week Therese had ‘handed’ her care to the nurse she had seen her with before entering the exam room. The nurse that was the reason of her current emotions. She had lost the count of how many times she had thought Therese deserved someone better than her, someone _normal_ and without all the baggage she carried but when she actually saw her with the other girl, giving her that dimpled smile that fascinated her so much, it was like she had somehow snapped out of her isolated state where she could only see and feel something related to her daughter’s situation because it had hurt.

Therese’s sigh brought her back to reality and she saw her gathering the papers before turning around, smiling almost forcedly at the blonde. “I’ll see you later.”

She had reached the door when Carol just couldn’t help herself anymore. “Yeah, hurry up, I’m sure you are eager to be with your friend.”

The door had been already opened but after hearing her words, Therese closed it back with a thud, sharply turning around and frowning at Carol. “Excuse me?”

For a brief moment, the woman held Therese’s gaze in a stubborn position but soon enough, she was shaking and lowering her head sadly. “Nevermind, it’s not important.” It was better this way anyway, Carol thought. Therese would be free from having her as a burden.

Therese’s heart began to pound almost painfully against her chest because this was exactly was she was hoping for – some kind of reaction from Carol to let her know that Dr. Tucker hadn’t succeeded in his plan of making Rindy’s situation her only focus. During the last weeks she’d waited, in vain, for proof that her Carol was still there, hoping to see the grey eyes looking back at her with the intense emotion that she quickly had grown accustomed to instead of that emptiness that had settled in them. Every day she had been losing hope, thinking that Dr. Tucker had achieved what he wanted but there she was,  _finally_ finding her way back and Therese took a deep breath in order to avoid rushing to Carol and hugging her.

“You still don’t get it, do you, Carol?” She waited until the blonde looked back at her. “I don’t want anyone else. Since the very beginning, I knew it wouldn’t be easy but I don’t care how hard it gets because I also know it’s worth it. And I don’t care if I have a line of countless girls interested in me that might be perfect.” She walked slowly towards her, erasing all the distance that had been created during all the week. “They all carry a fatal flaw from the start because they’re not you.”

Carol was looking at her with surprised wonder and she lifted her hand to caress her cheek but when her fingertips were about to make contact with the porcelain skin, she stopped herself, feeling like she didn’t have the right to do something like that anymore as the consciousness of the previous days was settling in her. Therese could see it on her face – the guilt, shame and pain – pain she also shared but at that moment it no longer mattered, not when the delight that Carol was out of her oblivion was bigger.

So when Carol dropped her hand, Therese held it halfway to place it at the height of her heart, her own hand tightening around Carol’s to keep it there. She used her free hand to wipe away softly the first tears that began to roll down the blonde’s cheeks. “Shh, it’s okay, I’m right here.” She dared to kiss away the tears this time. “And I’m not going anywhere unless that’s what you truly want.”

That was all that was needed for Carol to yank her hand free but before Therese could even react to the action, she was pulled into a fierce hug that was turning out to be almost painful but she reciprocated it with the same intensity after she wrapped her arms around Carol’s waist, her eyes closing with relief while she felt fingers digging against her shoulder blades. They remained locked in the hug for longer than perhaps they should have, both needing to feel closer and the comfort of the other after the previous days. And when Carol pulled her head back, it was only to search Therese’s forehead to rest hers against it.

They were looking at each other and even when Carol had stopped crying, Therese went back to dry the wet cheeks with her fingers. “I was certain I didn’t have any more tears to cry after these last few days,” Carol joked, smiling when Therese chuckled.

“You still have so much to give, Carol.” There was a certain tone of affection that made clear that she was referring to only good things, which was hard to believe for the blonde after the days she had lived but she preferred to remain silent, not wanting to stain the moment with the young woman. This was easy since in the need to keep the contact, Therese slid her fingers, her eyes following the movement, to Carol’s lips where they were subconsciously kissed by the other woman, making Therese’s gaze return to Carol’s. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Seeing the vulnerability in Therese’s eyes, Carol closed her eyes regretfully. She knew it had been inevitable to feel the way she had, but part of her felt like she hadn’t even tried to get out of the hell she had been locked in, that she had resigned to the consequences of her acts without caring about the effect it could have on the young woman. “I’m still terrified of hurting you,” she admitted in a whisper, trying not to dwell on her thoughts when the brunette was in her arms, clearly feeling that she wasn’t important to Carol because she didn’t even try to fight her way back to her. And how could she not be afraid? She had done it once, hurt the person she loved the most. Who could assure her that something like that wouldn’t ever happen again?

Therese backed down enough to hold Carol’s face between her hands, looking at her with earnestness. “You would never hurt me, Carol, _ever_.” The other woman frowned slightly, ready to argue but Therese kept talking before giving her the chance. “I understand your fears, I do, but I’m not just blindly talking due to my feelings for you. I need you to trust me on this.” She wished she was able to tell her all that was happening but it would be too much for her, especially after the last couple of weeks.

Carol didn’t look quite convinced but she ended up nodding. There was something so vehement in Therese’s attitude that it was simply impossible to not go along with it. After all, it wasn’t a problem of trust but of being afraid that perhaps the young woman was mistaken, seeing something in her that didn’t exist because if that was the case, reality would disappoint her and that was the last thing Carol wanted to happen.

But as if she could know what she was thinking, Therese began to caress her face with adoration, her eyes matching the emotion and it was enough to lure Carol into believing her words for the time being and leaning forward to kiss her softly and sheepishly, still unsure she had the right to do this although she couldn’t stop herself, now that she was aware of how much she had missed her too, but the happy and relieved sigh escaping from Therese’s mouth thanks to the kiss, was all she needed to know. Despite the misery of the previous days, things between them hadn’t quite changed.

It was also in that moment that Therese knew she was going to set her plan in motion as soon as possible. The moment her day ended, she was going to call Abby to explain everything, hoping she could do what Therese needed her to do as fast as possible so they could get the woman she loved out of this place.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope next year it's full of amazing things for you, guys :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endless of thanks to Ligeria for betaing ^ヮ^

 

Waiting to hear from Abby was excruciating, especially after the day Dr. Tucker realized he hadn’t succeeded in his scheming. Therese couldn’t deny it was so pleasing to see him in a bad mood and knowing the exact reason why, but at the same time it made her feel pressured to do something as soon as possible before he tried again because she was aware that he was getting desperate. But she couldn’t actually do something until she had news from Abby.

She had asked her to try to find something about Harge, and if it was possible about Rindy and, even when the woman still looked uncertain about this, she agreed. Therese thought it would be a relatively easy task since Harge didn’t have a reason to suspect someone was trying to investigate him. He hadn’t had contact with Abby or Carol since their divorce and that had been over two years ago, so there was no reason for him to think he was in trouble. Therese wanted to keep that advantage on their side, so she had fervently requested that for any reason, Abby deal with this personally.

That was one of the main reasons why she had sought Abby’s help, because her profession would be handy, being able to provide the necessary tools and she knew it wouldn’t be hard for her to hire someone competent for the job. As expected, Abby had complained but when Therese explained why her feisty nature wouldn’t be quite ideal for this, she had begrudgingly promised that she would send someone else. And when she received the call of a clearly appalled Abby, Therese knew she had made the right decision.

It had been difficult to understand her but when she caught the words ‘alive’, ‘pictures’, she understood why the woman was in such state of shock. Therese hadn’t even had the time to ponder how she felt about the fact of being right and what all this would mean to Carol because when Abby reacted, they were involved in a discussion about doing something about it at that exact moment versus the waiting. Therese understood Abby’s wish because she shared it but if they went at Harge first, there was the huge possibility that Dr. Tucker would deny his involvement in all this, because they only had proof of Rindy being alive but not of the doctor’s participation, and it was then that the young woman decided to go with her risky idea once and for all, because waiting to plan something more cautious would only put Carol in more danger.

Abby didn’t think her plan would work once she had explained it and if she was honest with herself, deep down, she also had doubts because in retrospect her plan was reckless, mostly based on acting skills which she had proved weren't very good. But for her, that was it. She once claimed that she would do everything to help Carol and if that meant to put her career at risk, she would do it; after all, she have been doing it for a while but this time it was even more important. It was having the chance to take back the life they had taken from Carol without her knowledge and for Therese that was worth everything. Of course, Abby was an essential key for her plan to work, but she would be the ‘face’ of it.

The waiting days where Abby had to prepare everything were frustrating but necessary since the arrangements were to make everything legal since Therese had no idea how all that worked. And Therese tried to reassure herself everyday by reminding herself that everything would be over soon, trying to ignore the annoying voice telling that only if everything worked out like she wanted it because there was always the chance that everything might go to hell, especially if she was as easy to read as with Carol and her friends. If Dr. Tucker discovered her plan before even starting…

On the other hand, the worst part was not being able to say anything to Carol. That day, before leaving the center, Therese did something she normally never did. She had gotten a message from Abby asking her to send her a message to let her know when she was no longer in the hospital so she could call her. Therese knew this was the moment she had been waiting for. She went to wait for Carol in an exam room (she had sent a nurse to deliver the message) and the moment the woman closed the door after entering, Therese had kissed her searingly.

She wanted to convince herself that it was her ‘lucky kiss’ for what she was going to do but there was a part that she couldn’t ignore that was whispering that this could be the last time she was able to kiss Carol if things went wrong. The blonde had looked at her with surprise and confusion, as if she knew she was hiding something (the young woman actually knew she had suspicions because Carol wasn’t an idiot) but Therese only smiled, trying really hard to appear reassuring before kissing her again, this time wanting to transmit all her feelings, trying not to cave to the overwhelming desire to tell Carol that she loved her.

Therese was now waiting for Abby to call (she had waited until being in her apartment to send the message because if she was going to receive shocking news, it was better to be in private and not driving) and her eyes filled with tears after recalling that last moment with Carol but the phone ringing pulled her out of her misery. When she saw Abby’s name on the screen, she bit her lip nervously before answering. “Hi, Abby.”

“Therese. Hi. We are ready to go.” Straight to the point, as usual. The brunette didn’t know if she was thankful for that trait or not.

She sighed heavily, scratching her eyebrow distractedly. “All right, then we will see each other tomorrow in my apartment before I go to work as we agreed.” She waited for confirmation before continuing. “Abby … I want you to promise me that if this doesn’t work, you won’t give up trying to fix it.”

There was silence for a moment and the answer she received, surprised her. “It'll work out, Therese, I’m sure of it.” It was the first time Abby had sounded so sure about this. “But yes, I promise that I won’t give up.”

After saying their goodbyes and confirming the hour for tomorrow, they hung up and Therese went to bed, trying not to dwell on the fact that tomorrow, in one way or another, everything was going to change.

 

* * *

 

Therese was about to puke. At least that how it felt while she was waiting for everything to happen.

She had her arms resting on the desk and her head was resting on them, watching the floor while she was trying to exhale and inhale slowly to calm her racing heart. She was so nervous that she was nauseous and she was perspiring while she waited in Dr. Tucker’s office for his return. She still didn’t know if her way to approach the subject was going to work on its own, so she knew she had to resort to sweet talking her way through all this. Her other option had been catching him red-handed, but since Therese couldn’t be sure where he took Carol to do what he did, she only risked to put the blonde in danger and that was a big no for her. So she decided to do it in this way. Yes, there was the option of taking the time to spy him in order to find out but that would mean to delay this even more, giving him the chance to keep working on his drug. Or perhaps she could simply ask Carol for some sort of insight (although Therese had the feeling that the location changed every time) but that would make her ask questions and look alert which could draw attention. Either way, Therese couldn’t take any other risks.

When she saw Dr. Tucker the first time that day, she thought it was better to directly request to talk to him instead of her first idea of ambushing him and appearing in his office out of nowhere. Even when she was going to confront him, she still had to look like he was the one holding the reins even when he had no idea of what this was about. He had looked confused but curious and told her to wait for him in his office while he dealt with an unexpected situation and for a moment, Therese had feared that somehow the other part of the plan had been screwed up. But she needed to trust in Abby as much as she was trusting her with this.

And she needed to hang onto those facts. Abby’s trust and the fact that Carol’s life pretty much depended on her and yes, it was a huge weight on her shoulders but if she succeeded … she closed her eyes and pursed her lips, holding her breath for a few seconds before releasing it abruptly. She needed to hold it together because having a nervous breakdown at that moment would ruin everything and she had been waiting to end this for so long.

She straightened up after hearing the door open and she adopted a professional attitude, crossing her legs and using the arm she had resting on the armrest as support for her head. It was after the door was closing again that she, in an almost lazy manner, turned to look at Dr. Tucker, seeming bored.

“I apologize for making you wait. I’m sure you know how things are in a hospital.” He took off his coat, placing it on the back of her chair before sitting down.

“And that’s why you don’t need to apologize.” She smiled briefly. “I get it.”

He remained silent for a moment, watching Therese as if was trying to guess what she wanted to talk about without needing for her to talk. She bore his scrutiny, trying so hard to not squirm on the chair. “What you want to talk about? Everything’s okay with Carol?”

 _You should know, asshole._ “Of course, why wouldn’t it be?” She shrugged as if that subject wasn’t truly important. “I’m here for another reason.” She loathed having to do what she was about to do. “Uhm, I know y-you know you are some kind of role model around the hospital ...” She diverted her gaze from him in a shy manner. “And I-I think there’s no one … _better_ than you to talk to about something I’m interested in.”

Therese looked at him sheepishly, trying to convey the image of a person who wanted the mentoring of someone who they worshiped. She felt like she was betraying herself in some way for pretending like this but she had to use to her advantage the fact of knowing that the most important thing for him was his job even if that meant praising him in a way that made her feel sick after every word that came out of her mouth.

“And what’s that thing?” He tried not to look so pleased after what he heard.

Instead of responding, Therese took the magazine she had placed on the chair next to her and after opening it in the right place, she stood up to give it to him, sitting back down once he held it. She tried not to seem so eager to see his reaction, pretending to roam around the office with her eyes while she watched him askance. She had given him an article that talked about a pill that would help to forget about traumatic experiences or painful memories to make your life better, and she knew it was a bold move but she needed it in order to lure him into talking about his.

“A drug to forget,” he said in a disinterested way but that didn’t deter Therese.

“You think something like that is possible?” She leaned forward a bit in fake enthusiasm.

“Yes of course, if you are interested in making it happen then it’s possible.” He placed the magazine on the desk and raised an eyebrow when he looked at her. “Are you interested in this?”

“You are not? If that pill becomes a reality, it would help everyone.” She tried not to sound so resolute about her real ideals, wanting to look like someone who could change her mind if a better idea appeared.

“And we wouldn’t have a job anymore.”

Therese clenched her fists hard, feeling her nails digging in her palms in order to not jump eagerly at that opportunity. “Yeah, you are right … I guess it has to have its drawbacks,” she said, deflated.

“And why would you be interested in something that someone else is working on? You actually are a future doctor with a huge potential. I’m sure you could come up with something revolutionary on your own.”

If those words had been said from someone else, it would have made Therese feel so proud of herself, but part of her couldn’t help but feel that if he saw huge potential in her, it was only because there was some part of his way of seeing things in her and that was terrifying. _Don’t. You are nothing like him. You would never do this to another person only to add weight to your name._

She sighed deeply to calm herself but it also worked in a way to make him think she was disappointed. “I suppose … it’s just hard to come up with something original when there are a lot of good doctors that I’m sure already have amazing ideas.” She made sure of making eye contact with him during the last part of her sentence.

He chuckled. “Well, you are not a doctor yet, you still have the time to think of something.”

Therese pursed her lips when he lowered his gaze to check some papers. This wasn’t going as she had hoped it would and there was only one last thing to try. “Have you?” When he looked back at her, she only looked curious. “Have you came up with your revolutionary thing?”

It was funny how now that she was directly knocking at the Devil’s door she felt strangely calm. All the anxiety and nervousness had been replaced with the purpose that she wouldn’t leave this office until she got what she wanted and not even the fact that he was looking at her with narrowed eyes changed that. _Come on, I know you want to brag about it. You have had to keep it secret for so long_ … but she still had to play the game of pull and draw.

Therese widened her eyes with worry. “God, I’m-I’m sorry, I just realized how obtrusive I was.” Now she did squirm in her chair, uncomfortable. “That’s actually none of my business and perhaps you haven’t and I’m just nosing around where I shouldn’t.” She knew that only two things would help her: either kiss his ego or insult it.

He raised a hand to stop her rambling and Therese stopped moving, lowering her head, ashamed. “It’s fine. It’s natural to be curious about things.” But despite his words, she was able to distinguish a little bit of annoyance.

“It’s- just that … of course you have, it’s you. You wouldn’t be as known as you are if you haven’t, I shouldn’t have said otherwise.” She smiled apologetically.

“I’m not known for my revolutionary discovery though.”

Therese’s heart skipped a beat. “Oh well, that’s a shame.” She sounded disappointed. “Because I’m sure it has to be something truly impressive.”

There was a silence that felt eternal for the young woman. “I guess it depends on the person.” He hadn’t stopped looking at her, as if he was seeing her with a new perspective.

When he smiled at her, Therese felt revulsion and she felt disgusted with herself for having to play along and smile back. Actually, all she had been doing since he had returned to the office was a huge and horrible challenge for her and she knew that she had to keep going no matter how awful she felt at pretending to be someone like him.

“When a person who prioritizes their work because they know they can make a huge difference …” She shrugged as if the rest of her sentence was more than clear.

“I have to admit that I had a different opinion of you, Therese.” The woman tried not to cringe at the fact he was using her name as if they had always been good friends. “You used to be someone who wanted to help people no matter what.”

“And you told me that sooner or later I would see the reality that I can’t, isn’t it? You were right.” She delivered the last three words slowly and clearly; after all, words were her bait.

He nodded and Therese was sure that she could feel a presumptuous vibe coming out from him. “I’ve read this before,” he said as he tapped the magazine with his fingers. “I have to admit it gave me the base for my idea.”

So close and so far. Therese was painfully aware that at the slightest misstep her façade would be discovered and now that he was brushing the crucial part, she had to be more careful than ever although part of her felt that she was the one falling into a ruse because it felt so easy, even after her previous knowledge that this was the perfect way to deceive him.

But the truth was that he was a smart man. He had to be in order to have carried this situation successfully for so long. Earlier that day, Therese had shared her worries with Abby about that but she had been reassured that even when he was a smart, she was smarter because she had been the only person able to see through his façade. _His biggest mistake is believing that nobody is smarter than him_ , Abby had told her, kneading her shoulders as if she was about to get into a ring to fight her rival.

Still, she could feel her confidence wavering and she inwardly cursed herself. “And would you dare to share it with a colleague? I promise I won’t steal your idea.” She tried to joke but her voice was filled with seriousness and she hoped it was mistaken for interest and nothing else.

Luckily for her, he smiled. “Don’t worry, I’m way ahead of you. I don’t think you would be able to create a drug that allows you to create memories in someone’s mind from one day to another.”

Therese was sure that if she didn’t calm down, he would be able to hear her heartbeat because after the first revelation, it had accelerated painfully. “That’s…” She knew she had to fake the right amount of amazement. Even if he was seeing her in a ‘new’ angle she couldn’t overdo it, so instead of answering, she stared at him with astonishment.

When he tried to downplay the situation by shrugging it off, Therese knew she actually had him because he was fighting a smug smile and she wished to be able to punch it off of his face. At least she had succeed in completing the first step and that was always the most difficult one. She only needed to make him admit that he had used it with Carol. “And have you … I mean, does it actually work?”

“You know how it is, you have to work for a long time to perfect it.” He looked annoyed and Therese felt that pleasing sensation she always felt when he couldn’t get away with his plans.

“But you have tried it on someone.” She knew it was going to be harder to control herself now that she was approaching this part of the subject. She actually had to intertwine her fingers so she didn’t ended up clenching her hands in anger and when he tilted his head with curiosity, she shrugged, trying to look indifferent but self-conscious. “Uhm … you said it yourself, you have to work for a long time to perfect it and you can’t do that if you don’t test it to see how it’s failing.”

Therese diverted her eyes from him for a moment, keeping the illusion that perhaps she was saying too much and it wasn’t an accepted gesture. She even whispered an apology. “Do you remember what I told you on your first day at the hospital? About your potential?” He waited until she nodded slightly. “You are a smart woman, Therese. It’s not really surprising that you can figure things out on your own.”

Even when it made her feel uncomfortable, it wasn’t strange to hear all that coming from him. It had always been clear that he appreciated someone who proved to have an ability in the field. And now she was contemplating the decisive part, pondering if she should take advantage of what he just said to reveal that she knew more than she was letting on. _Go big or go home_. Because in retrospect, he had never said something beforehand – he only admitted it once Therese shared her thoughts. It was like the stupid game where he had gotten her in to find out about Carol’s situation on her own. And if this is what he wanted, so be it.

But she remained silent a little longer after she nodded, recognizing his words, as if just in that moment a theory started to form in her mind and then she gasped in surprise, eyes widening in realization. “Your test subject is Carol.” Her voice was soft, trying to appear indifferent, but certain.

Dr. Tucker raised his eyebrows in a way that could be taken as surprise because Therese had found out or bewildered because she was saying crazy things. “Excuse me?”

“It makes sense … she’s your only patient that has been under your care for so long and you never allowed her to leave.” She stood up, knowing that she wouldn't be able to hold it together if she kept looking at him now that she was addressing the subject. “Because you needed to keep someone during all that time in order to perform your plans and see the effects it had so you could improve it.” She locked eyes with him, wanting to dare him to deny her words.

He didn’t, of course. He couldn’t deny all the work he had done because he was proud of it but Therese could see him clenching his jaw a bit. “I might not be a doctor yet, but if the diagnosis were truth, under the right treatment Carol would have been outside the hospital throughout the year.” A strained silence fell upon them where Therese became aware of her heavy breathing and she decided to end with this before losing all the patience. “Why her, though? Of all the people …”

“It was just an opportunity presented that I couldn’t waste. You know how it is, all in the name of science. It’s nothing personal,” he said nonchalantly, looking at something on his desk as if he had bored with the conversation.

“But mine is.” She had had enough. She wouldn’t allow him to keep treating Carol like a lab rat instead of a person and when he looked back at her, she smiled dryly, holding the lapel of her coat to reveal the bug she was wearing without thinking.

Therese was able to see the utter shock in his features but almost immediately it disappeared, his eyes now flashing with anger and when he moved towards her, she instinctively recoiled thinking that she was an idiot for revealing everything like that but before she had the chance to panic, the door opened, drawing Dr. Tucker’s attention to the people crossing it and everything became blurry for Therese. She couldn’t quite focus her attention on what was happening, unable to enjoy the oh so pleasing moment when Abby hit Dr. Tucker right on the jaw after he was held by two officers by the arms, or what was being said and when she felt her legs starting to shake, she leaned against the wall to not end up on the floor, closing her eyes, hearing her heavy breathing as if she was scuba-diving.

Everything was over. She had actually done it and now Carol would be able to get her life back.

Therese tensed and opened her eyes when she felt someone’s hand on her shoulder but when she saw it was Abby, she relaxed although she seemed surprised to see her. “Are you okay?” the woman look a little worried, making her wonder how she looked.

Nodding slowly, the young woman looked around, realizing they were alone, feeling like everything was moving in slow motion. “Everything went-?” She was feeling slightly light-headed that she couldn’t even formulate all the words.

“Yes, both of them are in custody. As we planned, while you were coercing Tucker to talk, other agents went for Harge.” She smiled, pleased, and even while Therese shared the sentiment, she didn’t smile.

The brunette nodded again, wanting to move but unable to do it, as if her energy had been snatched away. “And Rindy?”

“She … she’s with someone I trust. I don’t think it was fair that I see her before Carol does.” She smiled sadly this time.

This time Therese was able to focus somehow, watching her with kindness. “You are going to see her soon too, Abby.”

They remained silent for a while, mulling over what just happened and the next step they had to take. All Therese wanted to do was run to Carol in that moment and tell her everything but first, she and Abby needed to deal with some things to ensure that Harge and Dr. Tucker couldn’t be set free with bail. Therese felt exhausted and it wasn’t even midday. She was about to suggest they leave the office when she caught Abby rubbing her hand and the blurry scenes began to take form in her mind, one of them particularly making her smile inwardly. “Did you hit him?”

“Well, you wouldn’t let me kill him but I couldn’t stay with crossed arms.” She shrugged nonchalantly and Therese chuckled. At least someone had had the pleasure.

“Are you all right or do you need to be checked?” She lowered her gaze to Abby’s hand, conducting her own exam.

“I’m fine, Therese, don’t worry. It’s not the first time I hit a man, although it has never been so pleasing.” She moved her fingers slowly. It did hurt but it was the normal pain after hitting someone.

“All right, then we should-” Therese gestured towards the door awkwardly, ready to move, but when she took a step, Abby held her by the arm, making her turn in her direction.

“Therese, thank you.” There was such a raw sincerity in Abby’s eyes and voice that Therese had to swallow down the lump that formed in her throat. “If it hadn’t been for you …” She shook her head, not wanting to even think about it.

It was all that was needed for Therese to break down crying in that moment, unable to keep it together anymore, with Abby catching her in her arms so she didn’t end up on the floor, finally able to release all the stress, nervousness and fear she had been gathering all these months because Carol wasn’t the only one set free of that nightmare.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endless of thanks to Ligeria for betaing ^ヮ^

 

Therese was beginning to hate the state of bewilderment she seemed to be in for the past few weeks. It was like going around the world without having a clue of what to do, only reacting instinctively. She tried to convinced herself one day that everything would end after Dr. Tucker’s confrontation, but it hadn’t. She was only able to ignore it for a few days since she and Abby had to deal with the legal aspect of the whole mess. That had been easy because Abby was the one telling her what to do, but even when she gave her testimony she felt like a robot who was only saying what they taught her. At least it was the truth.

She hadn’t been around the center for that same reason but now that the cat was out of the bag, Genevieve was the one keeping her updated with what was happening at the hospital, especially with Carol. Therese hadn’t had the chance to talk with her beyond telling her that she would be absent for a few days and that Dr. Tucker – she really needed to stop using that title now that he was going to lose it – wouldn't be around either. Carol, understandably, had been frustrated. Not even when Therese promised her that when she was back, they would speak, was enough to reassure her. And she understood it. Even if Rindy’s situation wasn’t real, the lie they had sold to Carol had actually induced her depression and anxiety; they were real and Therese loathed to be the one who made her feel something because of it.

At least she was about to take the first step to fix it and also the first one so Carol could get her life back, out of this place. When she stepped into the hospital, she felt all the eyes on her (she had become like a celebrity after word spread), making her feel uncomfortable and, for a moment, she was unsure of what she had to do until Genevieve's eyes caught hers and her friend smiled at her warmly. Therese sighed gratefully at some sort of normalcy and walked to her, although she was also making her way to the young doctor after leaving someone else in charge of the reception.

“How are you, Superwoman?” She placed her hand on Therese’s arm, squeezing slightly. Neither one stopped walking to talk.

“God, stop with that.” She punched her softly in the shoulder, making her laugh. “Especially because I have nothing of super when I feel exhausted at 8 a.m.”

“Well, you are going around helping people – that’s pretty super, in my opinion,” she said teasingly.

Therese rolled her eyes but she appreciated the banter; everything had been so tense and serious lately. “Whatever you say.” They walked in silence for a moment. “How is she?” she whispered, as if everyone was listening to their conversation.

“She’s fine but her patience is running thin, so it’s a good thing you're finally back,” she tried to encourage her after seeing an upsetting expression on her face.

“Right … because what remains to be done is easy.” She ran a hand through her hair, wearily.

“Hey, you’ve achieved the impossible already –  this is going to be a piece of cake.”

Therese smiled at her thankfully. Genevieve had done so much for her even before all this blew up and she was sure that there weren’t enough words to let her know how much she appreciated it. “Is she-?”

“Yes, just as you asked,” she interrupted her.

“All right, good. Thank you. I think I’d better go and put an end to her torment once and for all.” She chuckled when Genevieve gave her the thumbs-up gesture before turning around, heading back to the reception.

Therese made her way to the staff break room where Carol was waiting for her. The hospital board, expectedly or not (she hadn’t given much thought at this) was allowing her to do as she pleased at the moment, obviously hoping to avoid creating a bigger drama since Abby had threatened to close down the center when they had reunited with them. Therese hadn’t even blinked when she heard her words, since in her opinion it was a more than understandable choice but she did think that was a decision that only Carol should make.

Carol was expecting her in a place that wasn’t allowed for patients. Therese needed a private place for this and her first thought had been Tucker’s office, but she didn’t want to do it in the culprit’s den; her other option was to use one of the group therapy rooms but she didn’t want to interrupt other’s therapies. That was when she decided to take advantage of the free card the board had wordlessly given her. It wasn’t like she was using it to do something terrible, after all.

Upon reaching her destination, Therese gulped, as if trying to swallow down the nervousness that took over her. But she didn’t wait to calm down and opened the door without making any sound. Her eyes went to Carol immediately, remembering the day she first saw her because she was looking through the window just as on that day. The only difference was that she was standing this time and Therese felt her heart melting at the sight, all the emotions she had developed for the woman from that day onwards hitting her at once. She selfishly wanted to go back to the days where closing a door would mean stolen kisses and whispered words in the ear, not thinking that this could be a new beginning for them when everything felt like it was swaying right on the edge. Even the things they had lived felt like a dream at the moment.

Therese shook her head to push away those thoughts, knowing it wasn’t the right time to dwell on them. “Hey, Carol,” she whispered, hoping to not startle the other woman. Even when she was nervous, she still felt the calming sensation every time she was around the blonde.

At hearing her name, the woman turned around, arms crossed and a frown on her face. “Are you finally going to tell me what’s going on?” When the young woman sighed, lowering her gaze guiltily, her frown deepened. “Because I’m not an idiot, Therese and-”

Raising both hands in surrender, she hurried to clarify. “I will, that’s why I’m here. I promised you that I would talk with you about everything when I came back.” She took a step in Carol’s direction slowly, waiting to see how she was going to react to her approach.

Carol looked at her with narrowed eyes but it didn’t take long for her eyebrows to furrow with apprehension. “I have been kept in the darkness for so long and it’s not a nice feeling, much less when it’s you who’s keeping me there,” she whispered, looking at the ground so her vulnerability wasn’t that obvious.

Therese closed the gap between them, standing close to Carol so she could take her face in her hands. “I’m _truly_ sorry, Carol, keeping everything from you was torture but perhaps now that I can explain everything, it will make sense why I had to. It wasn’t something that I wanted to do but it was something that I _needed_ to do.” She stroked the smooth cheeks under her hands softly, her eyes shining with such deep affection that it seemed like she was going to cry. “I would never, _ever_ , cause you any intentional harm but this time I was looking at the whole picture.”

Carol knew it, of course. If it had been so easy to lower her defenses with Therese, even when she tried to fight against it, it was because she knew that she was safe with her. Safe to be vulnerable, to share her worries and fears because she would never be judged. So the silence had been driving her crazy. At first, she tried to reason with herself but the annoying voice in her mind wouldn’t stop tormenting her, trying to convince her that Therese was finally sick of her; she had been able to counteract the effect of the voice for days until the distance between them happened but instead of feeling sadness, she felt anger and frustration.

Therese had proved to her, over and over again, that her words and feelings were sincere; she had made her feel understood, appreciated and _loved_ \- so her sudden silence and distance had felt like a low blow. Not even in those moments did she doubt Therese’s intentions though, but she felt offended by the fact that the young doctor was keeping something from her when they had developed a relationship based on communication and honesty.

But at this moment Carol could only nod, more intrigued to know what was going on than anything else. It was more than enough for Therese because she smiled feebly, releasing her face to take her hands in hers to guide her to one of the couches. The brunette sat first, with her back to the door, wanting to focus all her attention on Carol who sat after a moment of watching her. She raised an inquisitive eyebrow at her, making Therese’s nervousness very obvious when she squirmed in her chair.

“What I’m about to tell you is …” She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. “I’m pretty sure you won’t believe it, Carol, and with good reason. I have had a front seat in this and I still have a hard time grasping it.”

Carol looked unimpressed and Therese felt like a kid who nobody believed because she was just a child. But how should she even start this conversation? How should she tell her that the man she had married wanted, and for a few years actually succeeded, to ruin her life only because she had hurt his ego by proving she was better without him? How should she tell her that the man she had trusted to help her was the reason she was here, convinced she had killed her daughter? How should she tell her that that very daughter was actually alive and waiting to be reunited with her?

Therese thought that the confrontation with Tucker was going to be the most difficult part to do but now that she was here, trying to do this, she knew she had been sorely mistaken. She rested her shoulder on the backrest and rubbed her eyes with her fingers, sighing deeply. The moment she heard Carol clearing her throat, she parted her lips and started talking, interrupting whatever the other woman wanted to say. She didn’t want to keep thinking about giving some sort of order to the things she needed to discuss because every one of them would create a strong reaction, no matter in what order she decided to address them.

At the beginning, Therese didn’t dare look at Carol but as it became easier to talk, she did, able to see how her expressions were changing as the information was revealed, going from confusion to incredulity to shock to indignation. After she finished talking, the tension was palpably painful and the silence so uncomfortable that she licked her lips nervously, pondering if she should encourage Carol to talk or just wait until she did it, allowing her to digest her words when the blonde sharply stood up.

“Is this some kind of sick joke? Because there’s nothing funny about it, Therese.” Her voice was strangled with anger.

Therese had expected this but she couldn’t help feeling slightly offended. “Do you think I would joke about something like this when I know how important it is to you? When _you_ are so important to me?”

For a moment, it looked like they had reached an impasse when neither of them seemed to relent. Carol was still frowning angrily and, while Therese appeared to be calm on the outside, her breathing had quickened. If it had been someone else, the young woman would have looked away almost immediately under such intense scrutiny but there was so much at stake and she knew Carol would misinterpret the gesture. Though suddenly, all the anger was replaced with heart-wrenching anguish. The young woman could actually see the way the anxiety was beginning to crawl upon her while she whispered a faltering _“no, you wouldn’t,”_ sitting back down again.

Therese pursed her lips, thinking that perhaps her idea about revealing everything hadn’t been the smartest idea but knowing Carol, revealing things little by little would only upset her more. And at least in this way she could be with her, hoping to be able to calm her. She scooted closer to her, placing a hand on her back to rub small circles in an attempt to anchor her in the moment. “Carol … I know this is-”

“Rindy is alive?” The blonde cut her off, still unable to believe it, turning her head enough to see Therese’s nod that made her gasp. “But I ... I remember her in my arms, her weightless body … and the blood …” Her eyes filled with tears but she closed them to avoid spilling them.

“I know, I know how real it was for you,” she said softly, as if she was trying to caress her with her words too. “But there wasn’t a body, Carol. Abby told me she wasn’t allowed to see it or to go to her funeral, for the simple fact that there wasn’t one. The image you have about that event was just an invention fabricated by the drug – you _never_ hurt her.” She hated him but she couldn’t deny that Tucker had made something huge and functional, although luckily not in his expectations of durability. “The blood on you was real but it wasn’t human blood and the people involved were people they hired to go along with everything, to deceive you and Abby.” She also hated to admit that she thought it had been one hell of a plan the first time she’d heard about it but she couldn’t understand how someone could hate this wonderful woman so much. Abby had looked for the other people involved; the ones that helped to create the whole crime scene since Tucker and Harge were still trying to play dumb even when they had the goddamn recording – mainly the latter, though it was comprehensible since his name hadn’t been mentioned – but it had been easy to make the accomplices confess since they had been offered an agreement to avoid a worse punishment.

“And where-? How- I mean with who-?” Her breathing was becoming agitated and if she kept walking on that path, she was going to end up having a panic attack, so Therese used her other hand to make her look in her direction.

“Hey, hey.” Therese’s thumb slid softly over Carol’s chin. “Look at me, it’s okay, everything’s okay.” Her voice was sweet and she was looking at her with tenderness instead of worry, wanting to convey calmness for the other woman – to distract her from the negativity. “I know it’s beyond shocking but Rindy is fine, Carol, and she’s waiting to be reunited with her mother. Would you like that?” It was a rhetorical question since the little girl was waiting, along with Abby, but Carol’s life had been managed by other people for so long that Therese couldn’t wait to change that.

She knew Carol would agree anyway but she was ready to cancel everything at the tiny possibility she might say no, and even when any other person would feel wary of doing this, Therese was aware of Carol’s strength. Even before this revelation, the blonde had been getting stronger on her own and Therese was pretty much convinced that seeing Rindy was going to be something positive beyond the shocking surprise because Carol would see her and realize that her biggest fear of hurting her daughter wasn’t a reality.

The unsure nod came at the same time there was a knock on the door. When Therese’s gaze went to the clock on the wall, she cursed internally. She had told Abby that unless she received a text saying otherwise, she could come after an hour and a half and Genevieve would bring her to the room. Therese hadn’t even been aware of the time, her main concern to calm Carol’s uneasiness after telling her the truth and then trying to prevent a breakdown with everything she had thrown at her. At least she had revealed everything she needed but it would have been nice to have a little more time to relax her about what was going to happen.

A louder knock brought her out of her thoughts and she squeezed Carol’s hand since she had tensed after the knocking, smiling reassuringly before speaking. “Come in.”

The moment the door started to open, it felt like all the oxygen had been drawn out of the room. Carol was the only one who moved a bit to look in that direction but Therese kept her gaze on the blonde, thrilled and, despite everything, nervous, because she knew that deep down Carol wouldn’t quite believe her until she had the proof of her words and such proof was going to be crossing the threshold in only a few seconds.

“Abby, what-?” but she choked on her words, her eyes widening with astonishment. The color drained from her face when she saw the person along with her best friend, feeling the way her heart quickened at an almost hurtful rate. “R-Rindy?”

Her curiosity won this time and Therese turned to look at the newcomers, her eyes falling immediately on the little person she didn’t know and the first thought she had was that she was seeing a mini-Carol, even though her hair was darker than her mother’s. A part of her felt like she knew Rindy somehow because of what Carol had shared with her during this time, so it wasn’t surprising that her heart was pounding frantically against her chest when she saw the 7 year old girl. Therese could only imagine how Carol’s would be. She took a quick glance in her direction, wanting to assure herself that she wasn’t going to pass out. Rindy looked shy and she was looking around warily, clenching Abby’s hand strongly once she realized there was another person in the room. But when she heard and looked at Carol, her expression reminded Therese of a child on Christmas Day.

Both Abby and Therese had worried about the encounter; after all, Rindy was very young when everything happened and there was a big chance that the little girl didn’t remember who Carol was or something even worse, depending on what Harge had told her to explain her mother’s absence. This was why Therese had pushed Abby to go and see her first, to ‘refresh’ her memory. It was a nice gesture that she wanted Carol to be the first to see her, but when Therese pointed out why it wasn’t a good idea for her to wait in the end, she agreed quickly.

Because no matter what, this was going to be overwhelming for Carol, and to blindside mother and daughter wasn’t the way to do this. But as terrible as Harge had been to orchestrate this, at least he hadn’t told Rindy that her mother was dead but sick, making it easier to work with that information. Therese didn’t miss the cruel irony here, but at least in Rindy’s case, she had a mother who wanted and loved her.

And even when they wanted to reveal the truth to Carol more than anything else, Therese had told Abby that they needed to wait a little longer so she could reconnect with Rindy to try to make the situation lighter for the girl. Luckily, they had been pleasantly surprised by the fact that Rindy recognized who Abby was and therefore, her mother. Obviously, her memories weren’t many or clear but the fact that she knew who they were to know they weren’t strangers and actually very important to her, was everything they needed.

Therese didn’t even have the chance to blink when a blur happened and it took her a moment to realize that Carol had stood up, hurrying towards Rindy. But when it looked like she was going to hug her, she suddenly stopped, looking uncertain, her body shaking slightly. She ended up crouching down at the girl’s height. “I can’t believe you are really here,” Carol whispered, her voice sounding on the verge of tears. Therese bit her lower lip when she felt it tremble. “D-do you remember me?” There was clear fear in her voice, because even if she was in heaven because her daughter was alive, perhaps she might now have to work around the fact that Rindy didn’t know who she was. But even if Rindy didn’t remember who she was, it was better than the previous scenario she had lived where Carol thought Rindy was dead.

Rindy put her hands on Carol’s shoulders, tilting her head in curiosity, as if she was trying to be sure she was really seeing her mother although the happiness was pouring from her expression. “Of course I do, Mommy,” she giggled and Carol whimpered, biting her lip to keep from crying although she didn't even know how she managed. She was in front of her daughter, her everything, whom she thought she had lost forever. “I always knew I would see you again, even when Daddy said that you were really sick and that it was impossible to make you better made me think different because you always told me to have faith and hope.”

This time, Carol couldn’t contain herself anymore and she enveloped her daughter in what looked like a crushing hug. The little girl only giggled after the soft puff at the unexpectancy of it, trying to hug her mother back with the same amount of force. Now that Rindy wasn’t watching her, she allowed herself to cry, feeling dizzy with happiness. If not for the fact that she was holding her daughter in her arms while one of her hands ran through her hair to pull her closer, she would be convinced that everything was a dream.

But her dreams had never felt so real; in them, she wasn’t able to hear her, to hold her, to feel the warmth radiating from her, letting her know that she was alive and well. It was a completely overwhelming situation and Carol felt as if she was going to lose her composure at any second. At the same time, the bliss that had wrapped itself around her was what kept her whole, as if Rindy was the last piece of her puzzle, making her complete once again. Her special girl was back into her life, into her arms and nothing else mattered.

Therese watched them for a moment, not completely aware of her tender expression until she felt someone’s eyes on her, making her blush at being discovered when she looked at Abby, who was smiling knowingly at her. All of a sudden, she thought it wasn’t her place to be there. This was a family reunion and she didn’t fit there. She waited until Abby’s focus was back on Carol and Rindy to stand up, going around the couch to not disturb anyone, pretending she was heading to the counter before diverting her steps to the door, trying to ignore how every step felt like a stab in her heart.

She thought she was going to have an inconspicuous get away when someone held her by the wrist and she lowered her gaze before looking at Abby. “You know you are the reason for that, right?” She gestured to mother and daughter with her head, whispering, “You are not out of place here, Therese.” Abby was looking at her in a compassionate way, as if she knew exactly what she was feeling.

The young woman dropped her head down self consciously but she was grateful for the words. She nodded at Abby as a thank you. Her eyes were drawn soon enough to the scene that was taking place at the moment. Where a Carol was backing down a bit so she could see Rindy – marveling at the sight because it was something known but at the same time so different after all this time – who said something that made her laugh richly before hugging her again, basking in her daughter’s presence. It was impossible to deny that it was one of the most beautiful scenes she had ever seen, able to warm anyone’s heart and therefore, impossible to not get lost in it. She could see the unconditional and raw love between the two of them and that wasn’t surprising for her; what was surprising was the clear and immediate familiarity that had settled in.

If she was honest with herself, she hadn’t expected the perfect outcome that was happening right now. Therese had been doubtful, even when Abby mentioned that they had always been close, because after three years of separation she didn’t have so much faith that such closeness was something that could remain unscathed; but here they were, proving her wrong and never in her life, she had felt so glad for it because the strong bond between mother and daughter was immediately evident. Therese had heard about it but had never witnessed it, much less lived it; it was something truly precious.

When Carol opened her eyes after raising up without letting Rindy go (who clung to her like a koala), they locked immediately with Therese’s. Despite the redness and the fact they were filled with tears, Therese was able to see a glow and an unparalleled happiness that hadn’t been there before, making Therese’s heart skip a beat because witnessing this encounter and the beginning of Carol getting her life back, was everything. And the moment Carol mouthed a meaningful ‘thank you’, her eyes softening gratefully, Therese nodded while a tear rolled down her cheek, beaming a smile at the blonde.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [sighs] Don't know if I ever told you guys, but the angst and I don't get along for long periods of time.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endless of thanks to Ligeria for betaing ^ヮ^

 

After that day, everything moved relatively quickly. Carol’s release from the hospital had been the priority and with all that had happened, it was easily achieved. Therese’s professional input was that even with the inflicted trauma from her previous doctor, there was nothing wrong with her to keep her at the center. A couple of days later, Carol was _finally_ walking out of the hospital, with Abby waiting for her in her car, right in front of the entrance while Rindy tugged her mother by her arm excitedly.

Therese walked behind the pair with an amused smile, carrying Carol’s duffel bag. At the same time, though, she felt a sensation of dread she couldn’t ignore, no matter how much she tried to. She and Carol hadn’t been able to talk about their relationship. Now, she had to deal with what felt like a goodbye, even though she knew she was going to see her at some point since there still were some things to arrange with Abby.

She felt torn between happiness and sadness: happiness because Carol was finally where she was meant to be, and sadness because her own life was crumbling because of the uncertainty of the situation. Plus, she felt guilty for making it personal when she should have only felt thrilled with all that was happening. Therese sighed, lost in thought, almost bumping into Carol when the blonde stopped.

“Go with Aunt Abby, I’ll be right there in a moment.” Carol’s tone was soft but firm and Rindy pouted a bit before obeying. Therese couldn’t blame her; she had only known Carol for close to a year but she understood very well the feeling of not wanting to be away from her.

Carol waited until Rindy reached the car to turn around and look at Therese, who lowered her face when she felt herself blushing and started to play with the straps of the bag. But when nothing happened for a moment, she lifted her head, a little confused, only to find Carol closer to her. She had to fight the great urge to lower her head again. “So …”

When Carol chuckled, Therese felt her legs tremble because it was the same kind of laugh she had heard after the first time they kissed. “Since when do you get all flustered because of me?”

“Since always?” she answered without even thinking. The blush returned when Carol try to fight a smile. “But, uhm, I guess it’s hard to say goodbye.” This time when she tried to look away, Carol stopped it by holding her chin.

“This is not a goodbye, Therese – you _have_ to know this.” She sounded stern but her eyes never lost their softness, as if she was uncertain of what was going to happen now between them too. When the young woman shyly nodded, Carol relaxed and let her go with a faint caress. “I just recalled I haven’t had the chance to thank you.”

Therese frowned confused. “You did.”

“A mouthed thank you doesn’t really count. Especially when you put your dreams on the line.” Her words were dripping with gratitude and awe. “Actually, I’m sure that not even a voiced thank you could demonstrate how much this means to me.”

Therese smiled, feeling a little uncomfortable because she didn’t think she had done something extraordinary as everyone seemed to think. She had tried to convince even herself, that she had done what had to be done, that anyone would have done what she’d done, but she knew deep down that she had been so personally involved due to her feelings. “It was nothing, Carol.”

“Nothing?” Carol reached for her hand, squeezing wholeheartedly. “You gave me my life back.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “You actually gave me my life back even before you discovered Rindy was still alive.”

The meaning of the words wasn’t lost on her. Therese gasped, her eyes turning glassy and her heart beating furiously. “Carol, I …” She took a step towards her, ready to throw her arms around her and kiss her like she had wanted to do for days, not caring where they were; after all, Carol wasn’t a patient anymore – although part of her was aware that it was a terrible idea – when a honk stopped her, making them both startle.

At the same time, they turned their attention to the commotion, watching a car behind Abby’s and the person inside it, gesturing wildly. Therese cringed, knowing she should say or do something to avoid this, especially when she was a staff member but she couldn’t care less lately about maintaining a good impression for the center. So she only watched how Abby started the engine to move the car slowly, without intervening even when she was sure the person in the other car was looking at her.

“I have to go.” It was clear that it was the last thing she wanted to do but another honk, this time coming from Abby who also made a hurrying gesture when they looked at her, made it a fact. “Until next time, Therese Belivet,” she said after taking her bag from the young doctor.

The brunette shivered pleasurably at Carol’s smile and she beamed back at her, giggling at Carol’s purposeful choice of words and the new meaning they represented. Without turning around, Carol began to walk, keeping Therese’s hand in hers and her hold until their arms were stretched. Therese flexed her fingers for a moment, when only the tips were in touch, to prolong the contact until she had no choice but to let go. It was such a juvenile gesture but one that filled them with warmth, especially after seeing the other’s reaction mirror how they were feeling. She watched as Carol got in the car, saying something to the passengers before closing the door and looking through the window in her direction, waving goodbye with a tender smile.

 

* * *

 

 ** _Almost two weeks later._**  

Carol and Therese had not seen each other but they had been in contact during this time, although this was about to change. Therese sat on a brick planter outside the restaurant they had planned to meet at, enjoying the gentle heat of the sunlight while she wait for Carol and Abby and probably Rindy too. Carol had told her that the little girl didn’t leave her side at all. She was distracting herself, exchanging messages with the blonde even though they would see each other shortly.

Carol was walking on the sidewalk, holding Rindy with one hand while she checked her cell phone with the other, smiling softly at Therese’s message. However, this time she didn’t reply, not seeing the point when she was about to see her in a few seconds, so after reading it, she put it in her bag. It had been strange getting used to being in the ‘real world’ again but at the same time, it was easy to do so; after all, she had recovered what she’d thought lost during her stay at the hospital: her daughter and her freedom. In some ways, it still felt unbelievable that she had been a part of something she thought only happened in the movies.

Sighing, she turned into the bushed passageway that led to the restaurant and she slowed her pace when she saw Therese, who was frowning a little while looking at her cell phone. She stopped and waited until the young woman, sensing someone else’s presence, lifted her head for a moment before focusing back on the device in her hand, not realizing who it was at first. But when Carol saw Therese's body tense, she nibbled on her lower lip to avoid the huge smile she could feel growing when she saw Therese raise her head once again, slowly this time, to look at her but this time with wide eyes, her lips slightly parted in surprise.

Therese was speechless at the sight, feeling like she was seeing her for the very first time because it felt like she was seeing a completely different Carol. The only difference was the confidence she now exuded. She was also sure that her new look had a lot to do with it. She was wearing a black velvet suit with the jacket opened to show a matching button vest and Therese was trying so hard to keep her gaze in decent spots after realizing there was nothing under the vest, making the v-neck more enticing. She had cut her hair too, the blonde curls now at earlobe height and still brushed to the side, but at one side she had her hair tucked behind her ear, while at the other it fell over it. Therese wouldn’t be surprised if she started to drool at any second.

“Hello, darling.” Carol was the first to talk mostly because she could feel Rindy inquisitively looking at her.

Therese could feel a warmness on her face due to the blush that was caused after the first sound coming out from her was a squeal that forced her to clear her throat before trying again, standing up while Carol cut the distance between them by walking towards her. “You look …” she gulped, trying to come up with a word that would come close to explain how amazing she actually looked but it was hard when the woman in front of her was goddess-like.

But Carol smirked, pleased because she got the reaction she was expecting. “Thank you.” She turned her attention to Rindy, who was looking at Therese and she give her hand a soft squeeze to draw her attention. “Do you remember that special person I talked about that I wanted you to meet?”

It was funny, Therese thought while she looked at Rindy. They had seen each other technically just two times but all the adults knew there were more important things to deal with than introductions; Rindy had been more focused on Carol just like Therese had been in watching mother and daugther to worry about anything else. Now that it was the time to formally address this, she felt nervous – she had never been good with kids for the simple fact she didn’t interact with them. The reality that she was going to be introduced to the most important person to the woman she loved added even more pressure. This needed to go smoothly if she hoped to have some kind of future with Carol, something she wanted more than anything else.

“Yes, hard not to do it when you speak about her all the time,” she said nonchalantly with usual childlike bluntness.

Carol scrunched her nose and pursed her lips momentarily, trying to not look like a deer in headlights. Nothing like your own child to expose you. “Right … well, this is Therese, sweetheart.”

When Rindy’s gaze was back on her, Therese shifted her weight to the other leg and she was opening her mouth to greet her when she was cut off. “You helped my mommy.”

Therese felt dumbfounded for a second at the feisty attitude. “I- uhm- yes, I guess I did.”

Rindy freed her hand from her mother’s to give a step in her direction and Therese wondered if she should lower herself to her height but the girl's now shy attitude that made her look at the floor, distracted her. “Thank you,” she whispered so quietly that the brunette had to look at Carol to confirm she had heard right.

And after seeing a teary-eyed Carol smiling tenderly as confirmation, Therese decided to crouch down since Rindy hadn’t raised her head, achieving such action with the movement and giving her a friendly smile once she looked at her. “You’re welcome, but you don’t have to thank me. Nothing could have made me happier than being able to help her and get her back with you.” She touched the tip of her nose gently without thinking, smiling amused at the cross-eyed Rindy the gesture caused and feeling relaxed when Rindy gave her a toothy smile, letting her know she hadn’t crossed a line.

Therese had barely raised herself up when Rindy hugged her by the waist, surprising her dearly but before she was able to react, the hug ended and the girl ran back to her mother, hugging her in the same way but hiding her face in Carol’s stomach in a clearly shy manner. The woman laughed at the same time she ruffled Rindy’s hair affectionately and Therese got closer to them, still bewildered but in a pleasant way.

“Wasn’t Abby coming?” She was hoping to distract herself from wanting to kiss Carol or at least have some sort of contact with her.

“She is, she’s parking the car.” She turned her head to verify if her friend was coming or not. “I told her I needed a moment alone with you, so she left me at the corner of the street before, quoting her: making her lose her precious and valuable time by forcing her to go around the block to be able to park in the secure parking lot and not the lousy one of the restaurant because I'm acting like a smitten teenager.” Carol felt Rindy moving her head to look at them, so she had stop herself from touching Therese’s face.

“Oh.” She found it really annoying there wasn’t a way to control all her blushing and the somersaults her heart was doing at the moment. “There’s something in particular you want to discuss with me?”

“No,” she smiled, kittenish. “I just wanted to spend time with you without having my annoying friend teasing us.” And when she winked, she had to grip Therese’s arm to steady her since she stumbled in her first step towards the door of the restaurant.

 

* * *

 

And boy if Abby wasn't good at teasing. Therese was certain she was blushing since the moment they had been seated. Carol had requested a semi circle booth and Therese had sat at one of the ends with Carol next to her, then Rindy and Abby at the other end. Since that moment, it had started. After Abby sat, she had looked at them and a mischievous smile appeared on her lips before claiming that it was disgustingly sweet that the  _lovebirds_  couldn’t stand to be apart. Neither Carol or her said anything about it, although Carol glared at her while Therese thought that she shouldn’t be blamed after spending so long without seeing her even when she hadn’t decided the seating arrangement.

There had been small talk afterwards, as if they were friends catching up, allowing Therese to breathe calmly, about how Abby was doing with the case but without dwelling on it yet and Carol getting used to having a life again. But when they were eating, Abby decided to make another of her comments that almost make Therese choke, to the point that Carol had to pat her back worriedly.

The first time Carol had lowered her hand from the table to lay it on her thigh, Therese hid her surprise by coughing and looking around to not be tempted to look at her lap. Now, in retrospect, the brunette was sure there was some sort of reaction in her features every time Carol removed her hand even when it returned after a few seconds. And of course Abby would notice at one point but to actually hear her say to Carol that she’d better kept her hands over the table because there was a child present, it had been too much, even when the touch was an innocent way to be in contact without making it obvious. Luckily, Rindy was distracted, coloring on the tablecloth the waiter had brought her, slowly chewing some french fries from her plate, and hadn’t been paying attention to them until Therese began to choke.

“Abby, I swear to you, if you don’t stop right now …” Carol whispered between gritted teeth, clearly pissed, after Therese stopped coughing.

“I’m just kidding!” she said between laughs. “You guys make it so easy that I can’t help it.”

Therese took a big gulp from her glass of water, feeling her face flush as much as for the embarrassment as for the choking. She could hear Abby and Carol talking but she wasn’t able to catch their words after realizing Rindy was looking at her with curious eyes. _What a way to make a good impression_. Therese sighed, feeling disappointed that she had ruined this somehow and the heavy silence that followed didn’t help at all. But when it was broken, she didn’t know if she should feel grateful or not.

“You like my mommy?” There was an adorable shyness in the tone that even when Therese knew she was blushing again she felt the corners of her mouth lifting slightly.

Licking her lips nervously, Therese looked at Carol before answering, who was looking at her daughter completely surprised and then at Abby who was too but with a mix of proudness. “I do. How could I not when she’s an amazing person?”

“Yeah, but … I mean,” she sighed in what it look like a patient manner, “you like her like in those movies where the prince and the princess kiss and they live happily ever after?”

Carol did everything in her power to not put her face in her hands at this development. It wasn’t as if she was ashamed of Rindy’s bluntness; having her as a mother and Abby as godmother it was obvious that she was going to grow like that, even if they had been absent from her life for over three years. It was good to know that their influence remained in her but she wished she’d had the chance to warn Therese about it instead of letting her deal with it unexpectedly.

The young woman waited for a moment before answering, more than anything to see if any of the women would intervene. Not because that was what she wanted in order to be saved but because not many adults allowed so much freedom of speech to children. “Yes, I like her in that way,” she whispered sincerely after confirming they weren’t going to talk and before the silence became uncomfortable, feeling her face warming.

Rindy looked at the table for a moment, spinning the crayon she was holding and pondering the words before looking at her mother. “And you like her too?”

It was silly, the reaction Carol was having after hearing Therese’s confirmation, especially after all they lived through at the hospital, but hearing that she still felt the same, was simply marvelous for her. She made meaningful eye contact with her before looking back at her her daughter to answer. “Very much, sweetheart.”

There was a silence where the three adults were at the edge of their seats although for very different reasons and then Rindy smiled brightly. “That’s great,” she claimed before focusing again on coloring the tablecloth.

The three women exchanged looks before laughing softly and when Abby leaned to kiss Rindy’s head to then proceed to talk with her, Carol got closer to Therese to whisper, “I wasn’t expecting my daughter to interrogate you but at least we got that out of the way.”

Therese’s gaze traveled to Carol’s lips when she smiled and for a moment, she wondered if she could kiss her since Rindy had given them her ‘blessing’ but she ended up biting her lower lip. “It was okay, it was bound to happen at some point. It's better that it was sooner rather than later.”

Therese saw Abby looking at them and she prepared for another of her comments but then her attention focused pointedly at Carol and, for once since they arrived, she looked serious. “Right.” Carol sighed and she lowered her voice even more. “Rindy doesn’t know much about the situation … the real situation, she only knows about Tucker not doing what he was supposed to do and that’s why I stayed so long in the hospital. She doesn’t know about …” She trailed off and Therese nodded in understanding.

She couldn’t blame her for that decision. How were you supposed to say your daughter that her own father did what he did? But part of her couldn’t avoid thinking that hiding it from Rindy wasn’t the right thing to do, and although she wouldn’t mention it at the moment, she knew that Carol sensed her objection by the way she was looking at her. She looked away uncomfortably because after all, Carol was Rindy’s mother and she decided what was the best for her. “Got it.”

When they finished eating, Therese was surprised when Rindy asked her mother if they could change places because she wanted to be closer to the brunette. Carol had looked at her briefly but enough to catch Therese’s gesture to say it was okay. She placed Rindy in her lap so nobody needed to stand up, allowing the girl to move to where she wanted and then she scooted closer to Abby, who was taking out a tablet to give to Rindy. Therese didn’t miss the way Carol rolled her eyes at that, but she didn’t say anything since the purpose was to keep the girl distracted from the conversation they were going to have.

“Mom was mad at Aunt Abby when she gave me this.” Rindy looked at Therese before turning on the device. “She told her she was going to spoil me with all the technology instead of letting me be a child.” Therese smiled at how easy it was to picture the image.

“But you enjoy doing things kids no longer do – I just saw you. And that makes you a very smart child because that way, you can have twice as much fun.” The little girl smiled, pleased with the compliment.

Therese had the feeling that she was watching a unique creature when she watched Rindy, because she was sure that she was being spoiled rotten by Abby  _and_  Carol, and something told her that even Harge had done it too. But she was so far from being the kind of spoiled child she was used to seeing: ruthless, whiny and disrespectful. Rindy, however, was so humble and grateful. The people around her would be willing to give her everything she asked for but she only wanted those people.

“So …” Abby started, scratching her forehead before looking at Therese and then at Carol. “Not that it was necessary since we have the confession on tape, but Tucker finally accepted his part in this.”

“He did?” Therese diverted her gaze from what Rindy was doing to look at Abby momentarily.

“Yes, it was like a pissing contest because the other person kept refusing his part on it and he was blaming Tucker for absolutely everything, claiming he had nothing to do with it and that it was just the idea of a crazy person. That didn’t sit well to the doctor.” Her voice was full with sarcasm in the last word. “So, he confessed and help us to convict you-know-who since he recorded their conversations. They are pretty much scr- ruined,” she corrected herself when she felt Carol’s stare.

There was an uncomfortable silence because what were you supposed to say in that situation? Therese thought it was quite terrible to make public how damn glad she felt because of it, especially with Rindy around. “How did they even meet?” That was one of the things that Therese was more interested in knowing.

Abby sighed. “It was a lucky shot more than anything. One of those ‘it takes one to know one’ situations as unbelievable as it sounds. Since certain dullard already had an idea of what he wanted to do, he knew where to look. Tucker said he was the one who approached him during a medical conference, asking about electroconvulsive therapy and hypnosis.” Therese wasn’t close to her, but she could actually feel Carol tensing. “And like with you, it wasn’t hard to make him talk about what – at that time – were only thoughts about his ‘revolutionary contribution to medicine’ and since dullard agreed to patronize his idea, Tucker was easy to buy because it also came with a test subject.” She reached to squeeze Carol’s shoulder in apology for referring to her like that.

Perhaps before, Therese would have had a hard time believing in that but after all that had happened, it wasn’t that hard to believe that it had happened just like that, as if two people were drawn together because of their evil ideas. “And … now what?”

“Well, it depends on her.” Abby made a gesture towards Carol’s direction.

The blonde, who was distracting herself by throwing traces on Rindy’s tablecloth with a crayon, lifted her gaze without moving her head to confirm Abby was referring to her. “What about me?”

Her friend rolled her eyes. “We have talked about it. About what you want to do regarding the center. You could sue them – it’s a fact that you are going to win and you could own it or shut it down.”

“Abby, I already told you …”

Therese didn’t want to pay attention to that part of the conversation even when the outcome would most likely affect her, so she felt grateful when Rindy growled annoyance and made her look down with curiosity at her to realize she had lost in the game she was playing. “Hard level?”

“Yes!” She didn’t meant to be so loud but she was frustrated by now. “I have been stuck on it for almost a week.”

The young woman didn’t even consider laughing because she had been there before. The last time it happened she almost threw her cell phone at the wall. Stupid addictive games. “Can I see?” Rindy handed her the tablet in a heartbeat. “How it is that you are not playing ‘Pokemon Go’ like everyone else?”

“I am, but Mom told me she wouldn’t allow me to be wandering around the restaurant catching pokemons.” She sighed as if that was a hard task to do and Therese chuckled. Rindy suddenly narrowed her eyes. “Do you play it too?”

“Of course I do, why wouldn’t I? ” She wasn’t as obsessed as most people but she caught them when there was nothing more entertaining to do and she didn’t want to play something that only frustrated her.

“Mom was making fun of Aunt Abby one day because she stopped on the road to catch one. She said that she was being ridiculous but the next day I saw her taking my tablet to get out from Aunt Abby’s house to catch one,” she giggled.

Therese looked at Carol completely amused, who was looking at them tenderly. Apparently the conversation she was having with Abby had finished or paused. “I only did it for you, sweetie – it was one you didn’t have,” she said nonchalantly but Therese could see her fighting back a smile.

“All right, let’s see.” Therese looked at the tablet, pressing softly where she should to access the level. She could feel Rindy’s eyes traveling from her face to the screen. “Oh, a countdown level, those are the worst.”

“I know!”

Therese was about to propose to pass the level in her behalf but then she thought of something better. “What if I help you?”

Rindy’s eyes widened with delight. “Really?”

“Absolutely. The thing with countdown levels is that sometimes you feel like you are missing more hands because you can’t make the moves as fast as you need to. If I hold the tablet, you would be able to use both hands and if necessary I can use one of mine. What do you think?”

Carol was looking at the interaction completely enthralled. In a way, it was amusing how serious Therese looked about the whole thing but it was also truly heartwarming because she knew it was something important for her daughter and she wanted to help her. And then Abby’s voice broke the moment. “Try to not melt right here, please.”

“You just never know when to shut up, do you?” She really needed to plan some alone time with Therese. No matter how much she enjoyed being with Abby and her daughter again, she was desperate to make it happen soon.

When Rindy agreed to her idea, Therese smiled but it started to vanish when she realized their positions next to each other would make it uncomfortable for holding the tablet and playing at the same time. “Uhm, I think-” She bit her lip wondering how to do this when Rindy slid to sit on her lap without hesitation. “I guess this can work,” she whispered shyly, trying not to look in Abby’s and Carol’s direction.

Carol had to, in some ways, get to know her daughter during this time, because even when she could see traces of how Rindy had always been, there was the undoubted changes that came with growing up and shyness was one of the clearest, even with her and Abby. During the first days back together, her daughter walked on eggshells and even while it was a little heartbreaking, Carol understood that Rindy needed to feel comfortable with them and that it wasn’t something that should be forced – luckily, it didn’t last long. It wasn’t surprising however, that Rindy felt so at ease with Therese; she knew first-hand about the trustworthy vibe the young woman exuded since the first moment they’d met.

She could barely hear what Abby was saying to her, watching her daughter play while Therese looked over her shoulder, ready to keep her word and help her. In that moment, love washed over her with the force of a tidal wave that it brought tears to her eyes. Right after her marriage ended but before being forced to believe that her daughter was dead, her had made up her mind that she only needed Rindy to be happy. She never doubted that, because her daughter indeed made her happy in a way nobody else could. And when Therese had arrived in her life, when she thought there was only despair and unhappiness left for her, she had known another kind of happiness that not even her happiest moments with Harge were able to come close to. Now she was in front of both, and it was almost overwhelming but in a marvelous way.

Carol supposed she had been staring at Therese for too long because the young woman raised her head, surely becoming aware of her gaze, looking in her direction and seeming worried once she saw Carol’s teary eyes. But when Carol beamed at her, the relaxation in her was obvious and she beamed back, showing her dimples, making the blonde wonder, as every time, how someone so beautiful could exist.

 

* * *

 

“All right, little monkey, this is it.” Therese walked towards the brick planter where she had waited for them to arrive, to sit one more time so Rindy who was giggling in a way that made it impossible not to laugh, could get off of her back.

When they’d finally decided to leave the restaurant, Rindy had clung onto Therese’s neck when she was sliding over the booth’s seat to be able to stand. Carol was already opening her mouth to admonish her daughter when Therese laughed and told Rindy that she’d better hang on tight before standing up slowly, making the little girl wrap her legs around her waist, where Therese used her arms to hold them. Carol wasn’t sure if she should be melting right on the spot or feeling a little self-conscious for the show they were giving but after seeing the happy smile of both of her girls, it was easy to decide with what she should stick with.

“Thank you, Therese.” The girl waited until the brunette turned around to thank her.

“A pleasure to be your ride, lady Rindy,” she said and smiled softly.

Therese helped her to get down from the brick planter by holding her hands, steadying her while she jumped and the moment she dropped securely in the floor, Rindy was hugging her one more time, but this time she didn’t let go as quickly as the first time, giving Therese the chance to place one of her hands against her head and the other between her shoulder blades, pressing her softly towards her with affection. That’s how Abby and Carol found them.

“Do you need a ride?” Abby asked in a sincerely concerned way after approaching them.

“No, thank you, my car is parked in the lousy parking lot.” Therese smiled, amused, finally feeling comfortable enough to joke with Abby, who smiled appreciatively.

“Then I’m going to go for the car and I will come to pick you up here, all right?” she said, looking at Carol. “And I’m going to take my goddaughter with me, so you gals can say goodbye appropriately,” she whispered mischievously.

Well, it looked like Therese was still able to blush after all.

After saying goodbye to Rindy, who didn’t look too thrilled about this until Carol promised her that she was going to see Therese again, the brunette watched her go, holding Abby’s hand. It wasn't until they disappeared from their range of view that she and Carol turned their heads to look at the other, smiling at the same time. For a brief moment they seemed uncertain of how to proceed, until Carol cleared her throat.

“Let me walk you to your car.” She offered her arm in a way that Therese found chivalrously adorable and she hooked her arm into the crook of her elbow, trying not to appear so eager.

They walked in silence, enjoying each other’s company and thinking how different everything felt between them now that they didn’t have any boundaries. It was thrilling as well as intimidating. Carol stopped at Therese’s car, recognizing it from the times she had seen her get in it after her night shifts and she hoped she didn’t look too displeased when Therese unhooked her arm from her elbow but her hand remained on Carol’s forearm, squeezing affectionately to stand in front of her.

“Thank you, by the way,” she blurted out suddenly, unable to keep ignoring the subject that was spinning in her head.

Therese raised her eyebrows confused. “For what?”

“Rindy. For being truly awesome with her.” There wasn’t anything more alluring for her than watching her daughter and Therese bonding without any effort.

“Oh, you don’t have to thank me for that, that’s all on you, actually.” When she saw Carol looking down at the floor, she hurried to clarify because she didn’t want her thinking that she had only done it out of obligation. “I mean, you are the one who’s raising such an amazing human being, it’s easy to interact with someone who makes you feel … comfortable. I always avoided interacting with children because I never know what to do or say to them,” she admitted. “And I was nervous about meeting her, because I know how important she is to you and I didn’t want to screw things up,” she added in a whisper.

Carol stepped towards her and caressed Therese’s cheek to her jaw slowly with her index finger. “Not that I ever doubted otherwise, but you were perfect with her.” She smiled sincerely.

Therese looked at the ground, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, annoyed with herself for her sudden shyness but she wasn’t going to allow it to ruin what she was craving to do, so she took a deep breath, gathering all her courage and she looked at Carol with determination, even when her heart was beating nervously. “Can I kiss you?”

The answer came when Carol lowered her head to brush their lips before taking Therese’s in a soft but demanding way, wanting to savor the moment while her hands pulled her closer. The young woman didn’t hesitate and held onto Carol’s hips, taking a moment to realize – far too distracted by the way every move of their lips made her tremble with pleasure and want the other woman even more – that her fingers were touching the skin in the small space uncovered between Carol’s pants and vest. Once she did though, she dared to slide her hands a little more until her palms were in contact with warm skin where she kneaded gently.

Carol couldn’t help but moan softly at the caress that took her by surprise. Therese took the opportunity to deepen the kiss but soon enough a loud honk, that now the brunette recognized came from Abby’s car, forced them to break the kiss but instead of pulling apart, they rested their foreheads against one another, breathing heavily in an attempt to catch their breaths with their eyes still closed.

“I really need to get you alone and in private.” Therese wanted to laugh but only a whine came out of her. “I know, I know. Soon, I promise you.” Carol opened her eyes lazily and she kissed Therese’s nose before pecking her lips in what she intended to be their goodbye kiss while she released her but almost immediately she was back at kissing her, hugging her by the waist this time. “Goddammit, you are truly addictive.”

Therese did laugh this time. “Yeah? Well, I’m not the only one.” She was still smiling when their lips met one more time.

This time Carol’s cell phone beeping interrupted them. She kept an arm around Therese’s waist while the young woman laid her head on her shoulder, watching her take out the device from her pocket with the other. Carol snorted when she read the message that had arrived and almost immediately another beep sounded but with this one, she sighed. After finishing reading them, she moved her hand so Therese could read them too. 

> My heart gets warmer at watching you making out in a parking lot but if you don’t come here soon, I’m going to go all “mother discovers her daughter having sex in their own house” mood with you.

> For real, I don’t think I’m going to keep being able to convincingly distract Rindy, so if you don’t want to traumatize your daughter and give explanations … You know? You are able to see her whenever you want to now.

Still chuckling at the first one, Therese pulled back to look at Carol. “Go.” She knew that if they didn’t force themselves to do it, they would remain in their bubble. “But only because you promised that you will get me alone and in private soon.”

Carol threw her head back, laughing richly. “Oh, I will, definitely,” she whispered against Therese’s lips to give her one more kiss but this time she pulled back before losing herself in it. “See you soon, all right?”

Therese nodded, smiling and when she saw Carol reach Abby’s car, she got into hers to make her way to her department. For the rest of the day, it was quite impossible to wipe off the huge smile on her face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might be slightly (ok, a lot) obsessed with Cate’s outfits in Ocean’s Eight and her hairstyle during last year’s Oscars, so ... I wasn’t going to miss the chance, lol.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endless of thanks to Ligeria for betaing ^ヮ^

 

Therese was chewing on a donut, holding it between her lips since her hands were busily moving things from one place to another when someone knocked on the door, causing her to frown since she wasn’t expecting anyone. It was her day off from work and she had a date with Carol, but it was way too early for that, so she had made herself busy instead of worrying about that particular detail. She didn’t even know what to expect. Carol had called her the next day after all of them had seen each other and asked her to not make plans for her free day. When Therese tried to fetch more information about it, the woman cut her off by telling her it was going to be a surprise.

Leaving the donut on a plate, she brushed off the sugar from her lips and hands. She walked towards the door and looked through the peephole like she always did when she got an unexpected guest. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw a familiar blonde, not thinking too much about the fact that Carol’s head was tilted down, too overjoyed at having her there to think of anything else; not even when the first thing after opening the door was Carol closing the distance between them to meet her lips with hers in an abrupt manner while she pushed her back into the apartment. Carol closed the door and spinned them to back Therese against it. Therese didn’t become aware that something was wrong until she got a salty taste on her lips and she realized Carol was crying.

It was hard to break off the kiss when there was no space to back down due to the door but Therese managed to move her head. However, this caused the the blonde’s lips to fall into her neck and she had to bite her lips to not make a sound. “Carol?” she finally whispered when she gathered herself together.

The raw, worried tone in Therese’s voice made Carol pause but she didn’t dare face the young woman. She decided to hide her face by resting her forehead against Therese’s shoulder while her body trembled with contained sobs. Soon enough, the brunette wrapped her arms around her, thankful to have some kind of support since Carol had practically gone limp the moment Therese had brought her closer to her body to whisper comforting words in her ear. She peppered soft kisses on her temple while her hands never stopped moving, going from her back to her head with affectionate caresses.

Therese wasn’t surprised by this; in fact, she had been expecting this reaction – she even thought it was long overdue. She understood that Carol had focused on just the good, but the day she had told her the entire truth there hadn’t been the emotional reaction she thought necessary for this situation. Carol needed to allow herself to wallow in the anger and sadness or whatever emotion she was feeling so she could move forward. However, it was most likely her fault that she hadn’t because she had ambushed her with Rindy’s arrival almost immediately. But now everything was finally weighing upon her.

In the way Therese’s heart ached at every one of Carol’s sobs, it felt like an eternity to wait until the blonde lifted her head and when she did, Therese couldn’t avoid the sad pout at seeing the heartbroken expression adorned with red eyes and wet cheeks, and she moved her hands to her face to softly wipe the path the tears had left with her fingers.

“I’m- I’m sorry, I- I don’t- I shouldn’t…” She was still avoiding looking at Therese.

“Carol.” There was something authoritative in her tone that made Carol look at her. “Shut up.” But she was smiling and her tone was playful, feeling successful when she managed to make her smile, even if it was a sad one. “Come on.”

The woman raised an eyebrow in confusion at her words, feeling even more so when Therese slipped away from the door and her, although right away she held Carol’s wrist to guide her through the apartment. She was heading to the couch when another idea came to her suddenly and she ended up walking towards her bedroom, not worrying or even thinking about giving the wrong idea because that was so far from her mind and she was sure from Carol’s as well. Therese released her arm when they arrived in the room and the blonde looked around without really looking, caressing her wrist distractedly because she was feeling unsure about what was going on. She wasn’t expecting the young woman to do what she was doing when she had been crying in her arms just a moment ago.

“Get in the bed,” Therese said softly.

“I beg your pardon?” She turned her head in Therese's direction so sharply that she wouldn’t be surprised if she had pulled a muscle.

Therese almost laughed at Carol’s expression, but she pursed her lips to avoid it. “Please?”

Carol narrowed her eyes, expecting more explanation but when it didn’t come, she did as requested, though Therese could see the slight tenseness in her body. She sat on the edge of the bed as if it was made of nails and after a few seconds, she moved to lift her legs onto the mattress, resting her back against the headboard. Therese walked to the side Carol had chosen. Once she was settled, she sat where Carol’s feet were and without saying a word, she started to take off her shoes.

Carol watched her, awestruck, seeing the way the young woman began to blush adorably. Not even when Therese stood up after finishing her task did she tear her gaze away, following her while she sat on the other side to take off her shoes, lying down on the bed afterwards, on her side and with her head on the pillow to be able to watch her. Therese smiled shyly at her and Carol smiled with tenderness, finally catching on to what Therese meant to do with this so she ended up lying down too, facing the brunette.

“Hi.”

Carol chuckled and she reached to brush Therese’s hair, touching her forehead with her fingertips. “Hi.”

Therese didn’t want to pressure her but she couldn’t ignore what had happened, especially when it was clear that whatever it was had Carol in great distress. “What happened?” She was not going to ask if she was okay when it was clear that she wasn’t.

The blonde lowered her gaze momentarily and she sighed resignedly. “I went to see Harge.”

Therese’s eyes widened. “Alone?!” She didn’t meant to squeal but she hadn’t expected this.

“I know, I know … it was completely stupid,” she gulped with difficulty.

It wasn’t the first time Therese thought she was terrible at her job and it most likely wouldn’t be the last. Even if Carol had stopped being her patient, she cared for her beyond that and she should have talked with her about this. Not to recommend she not do it but to not deal with it alone. But it had been done – it wouldn’t help tormenting herself for not giving priority to certain things or starting a discussion with Carol. Now they had to deal with the aftermath of the confrontation.

“How did it go?” It was clear that it didn't go well but she needed to know the details.

“I … it feels so surreal. It’s not like I was going with any kind of expectations, I just wanted to know _why_.” She took a deep breath, looking everywhere but at Therese. “But listening to him speaking and looking at me with such detachment … he didn’t regret it, that much was clear.” She let out a humorless laugh.

Therese reached for Carol’s hand, playing with her fingers for a moment before intertwining them. “Did he tell you why?”

“He said that he wanted to hurt me as much as I had hurt him.” She frowned slightly. “I don’t know how he thinks that making me think that I murdered my own daughter could be the equivalent to wanting a divorce.”

It wasn’t, but his mind had actually convinced him it was a fair punishment. He actually thought he had every right to do what he had done, he _believed_  it, and this was why Therese found people’s minds so fascinating even when some outcomes brought something so terrible. Harge’s actions didn’t need to be defended and Therese was glad they hadn’t dared to go with the mentally ill approach as defense because she would have been truly pissed, although she would have been able to dismantle it in a second. It had been clear for everyone that he was coldly calculating at planning all this since it was pure revenge.

Sighing, Therese brought Carol’s hand to her mouth, caressing the knuckles with her lips before kissing them gently. She placed a lingering kiss on the back of her hand, until Carol finally looked at her. “You know this isn’t your burden to carry, right?”

“I know but … I was married to him for years. I had a daughter with him, for fuck’s sake! Now everything feels like a lie, I feel like I don’t even know what’s real anymore.” She was getting agitated.

“Hey, hey, no, listen to me. Whatever happened in these years doesn’t erase what you lived through with him.” She wrinkled her nose a bit. “And perhaps that’s what makes it harder for you, to think that at one point you loved him and he loved you.” She sighed sadly. “I can’t tell you what you want to hear, Carol. I get that you want to give some kind of sense to all of this, believe me, I do; but this already made sense for him and you are never going to be able to see it because you don’t think in the same way he does.” She caressed Carol’s cheek when she grumbled without letting go of her hand. “As frustrating as it sounds, the only thing left is to move forward. You have the last answer you were looking for and unfortunately, sometimes you can’t change how things are, Carol. You only have to learn to live with it.”

The silence that followed was expected and Therese kept playing with Carol’s fingers, allowing her to think and smiling every time the woman moved them accordingly to allow her caresses. “There’s something I want to discuss with you about the center.” She didn’t want to keep talking about Harge at the moment.

“Sure.” And here was the moment when Carol would tell her that she needed to finish her career somewhere else. “I understand that you want to close it down, it’s the most understandable-”

Carol chuckled, cutting Therese off. “That’s not what I want to do at all, darling.”

“Oh?” Her eyebrows furrowed with confusion.

“Abby wanted to – she tried so fervently to convince me to close it down and to pretty much own their asses but I just … it didn’t feel right to me.” She shrugged. “And it took me awhile to come up with an outcome that I think will be satisfying for everyone.” Therese was watching her with rapt attention and she nodded, prompting her to continue. “I talked to Abby about the option of owning the place. She wants to try to reach an agreement with them but I was also thinking of the option of buying it. Money is no problem since I’m going to own everything that was once Harge’s, including his company but since I don’t want to be linked with his stuff, I’m going to sell everything.” Abby was extremely good at her job and with all the proof they had, it wasn’t going to be difficult to destroy Harge’s name.

Therese’s eyes widened in surprise. She definitely didn’t see that one coming. “Well … I’m sure the board is going to be really willing to come to an agreement with you.”

“I truly hope so, especially since I’m not looking to get rid of all the staff when there are honest and caring people on it. I’m not going to start believing that because one person wasn’t, all of them are like that.” Therese smiled softly – of course Carol wouldn’t hold a grudge. “And in case that I can get away with it, I know I don’t have the medical knowledge to contribute in that way. I would be more like a donor.”

“More like the owner of the place,” Therese said playfully.

Carol rolled her eyes. “Details. But the thing I wanted to discuss with you is ...” She nibbled her lower lip, hesitating a little. “It won’t be possible until you finish your career but once you do and if you are willing to, I would like you to be the Chief Physician.” She watched her, intrigued.

Therese gasped with surprise and she even sat up in the bed, using her arm as support, still looking down to be able to see Carol who propped herself up on her elbows. “You want me to work for you?”

“No.” Carol frowned subtly. “Like I said, I don’t have the medical knowledge to be completely involved in the hospital. But you care, Therese and I know there’s nobody better for this position than you.”

“But that’s … I- I’m not …” Carol sat up so she could shush Therese by placing a finger against her lips.

“I might be biased about you, but I know you are capable of that and so much more. You would see for the patients’ interests in a way that no one else would.” she cradled Therese's face in her hands gently, her eyes full of love and sincerity.

“But-” she tried one more time.

“But nothing. We still don’t even know if it’s going to be possible anyway, I just want you to think about it in case it is, please?” There was conviction in her eyes but it was clear that she wouldn’t force her to do something she didn't want.

“Think about it … yeah, I guess I can do that.” She smiled sheepishly.

“That’s all I’m asking.” Carol kissed her softly before laying down once again but this time she remained face up so she could see her.

Therese didn’t follow her steps right away, now being her time to think about what had just happened. It was huge, even if it didn’t became real – the drawn image was one she never thought of, much less when she wasn’t yet a doctor. Of course she wanted to make a difference for the people in her care and with an opportunity like this she could make sure that even people who were not under her care were well taken care of, that a situation like Carol’s never happened again. Therese’s heart warmed at the fact that most likely the other woman had been doing research about this because she was talking about a position that didn’t exist in the center at the moment to offer it to her.

She looked at the blonde, who was caressing her arm with featherlight touches and they smiled at each other when their eyes met. Therese finally laid back down, this time with her belly against the mattress, using her arms to keep her weight up. “Happening or not, I want to thank you for thinking of me for something like this.”

Carol hummed her acknowledge but she made a gesture with her hand to downplay it. They were in silence for a moment, until she took a deep breath. “You want me to tell Rindy the truth.” She moved to lay on her side again, adjusting her arm so she could rest her head on her hand.

It wasn’t a question, but Therese answered nevertheless. “Yes.”

“Why?” She was really interested in knowing her point of view, especially because the brunette was aware of the impact it would bring.

“Because … I imagine she hasn’t asked about Harge?” Now it was Therese turn to copy Carol’s posture.

“She hasn’t, actually,” she said, surprised because she hadn’t been aware of it until now.

“That’s because she’s hyped up to have you and Abby back in her life but at one point she’s going to …” She twisted her lips, thinking. “At loss of another way to put it, _remember_  that she has a father and she’s going to do it, and what are you going to say to her? Are you going to lie to her like he did?” She hoped not to sound like she was reprimanding her, but she was honestly curious.

“I don’t want to.” She frowned slightly. “But it’s so damn hard, Therese. If it’s hard for me to deal with the truth, I can barely imagine what it’s going to do to her.”

“It won’t be easy Carol, that’s a fact.” There was no point in sugarcoating it. “But it’s the truth and in the long term, it will be better.” She sighed, closing her eyes. “Look, I’m nobody to decide what’s best for Rindy, but after what Harge did …” She started to fidget with her fingers, trying to keep her eyes on Carol’s. “In my opinion, he doesn’t deserve any right towards her anymore. I know you are very different from him, you wouldn't ever do anything in a vindictive way but I think that if you ever give him a chance, he would try something again … I mean, he didn’t care the first time and you said he wasn't remorseful, so in my opinion if you keep that door open, he would find a way to keep hurting you and her, even when she’s just collateral damage.”

Therese held her breath when she stopped talking, feeling somewhat nervous because she was sticking her nose in something that wasn’t her business, even when she cared deeply for the ones involved. After a moment, Carol began to nod, agreeing with her words. “You are right.” She closed her eyes to rub her eyelids with exhaustion.

Therese tried to not make obvious when she released the breath she had been holding, feeling relieved to have not stepped on thin ice. “On the bright side, Rindy has the most wonderful mother and an amazing godmother to deal with it and move on.”

“She also has you,” she whispered, opening her eyes but keeping her gaze lowered for a brief moment.

“What?”

“Therese, we can’t do this without you.” For a moment the young woman thought she was referring to her medical approach and she was nodding softly when Carol looked at her with intensity, causing what was becoming the natural reaction in her when the blonde said something truly significant by making her heart beat heavily in her chest. “ _I_ can’t- I _don’t_ want to do this without you.”

“Oh, Carol,” her eyes were shining and she got even closer to her, “I’m here for as long as you want me.”

“Even if it turns out to be forever?” There was an amused smile on her lips but they knew there was a trace of truth in the question.

“That would make it even better.” She lowered her gaze to Carol’s lips, still moving towards her in a slow manner until she was close enough to brush their lips and then kiss her with tenderness.

Carol allowed herself to be kissed for a moment but then she pulled back, frowning slightly. “Are you sure this is what you want? Because I haven’t given you the chance to-” She was cut off by another but quick kiss.

“Don’t you even dare finish that sentence.” She attempted to look angry but she smiled, enamored. “I have wanted you since I first laid my eyes on you. It has been you from that moment, Carol and it will always be you.”

This time, it was Carol who lunged forward, making Therese yelp when she was pushed against the bed, to join their lips again. They only pulled apart because of the lack of air and Carol rested her forehead against Therese’s, feeling her hands caressing her back. “I love you, you know that? I’m madly, and yes, I’m using that word on purpose,” she laughed softly, causing Therese to chuckle, “in love with you.”

Therese knew, of course she did. But hearing the words was something completely different. Not better in a way because the looks, the gestures, the kisses, the touches were proof and she melted with every single one of them but there was something completely enrapturing at hearing the words. It was as if now all her senses had proof of that love. With a trembling smile, she reached out to trace the outline of Carol’s face with her fingertips, as if she was touching something she shouldn’t be touching because it was so precious and valuable, which in fact were some of the ways she saw Carol.

“I feel like I have loved you all my life because when I fell in love with you, everything else ceased to exist. It’s like every part of me erased everyone else because every feeling I could have had for someone else became nothing compared with what I feel for you. And God, I don’t even care because I only want to have _you_ in my heart and my mind. I only want to love what’s related to you and to us from now on.” Her voice cracked due to the intensity that entailed baring her heart through words in that moment but then bit her lip nervously. “I know this makes me sounds awful with my previous relationships and probably like an exaggeration but-” Therese cut herself off when Carol shook her head, letting her know that she understood perfectly what she was talking about.

Of course she understood because the sensation was mutual. And in her case, she also had the perhaps disturbing idea that going through this hell had been worth it if this was her reward. Carol’s response to such a passionate confession was joining her lips with Therese’s, deepening the kiss from the first moment, trying to let her know that she had her fully and without barriers, just in the same way she was giving herself to her.

 

* * *

 

Carol opened her eyes, not even aware of when she had fallen asleep. The last thing she remembered doing was talking with Therese about the fact that Rindy was fascinated with her and she hadn’t stopped asking her mother when they would see her again, exchanging kisses in-between words. They had ended up cuddling at one point, with Carol soon losing the battle due to such an emotional day and falling asleep, lulled by Therese’s voice.

Slowly, she became aware of the warm body under her, of the heartbeat that hit softly against her palm and the hand that was lazily but lovingly moving around her back, feeling like a teenager when she felt an intense pang of exhilaration. “So much for our first date,” she said sleepily, nuzzling against Therese's chest and feeling how the other woman’s arms squeezed her tightly.

“Come on, this wouldn’t have been our first date.” She sounded amused.

Carol let out an exasperated sound, trying not to smile. “All right, our first date where we wouldn’t have to worry about schedules or people discovering us.”

Therese hummed her agreement and kissed Carol’s head. “We can still go out if you want.” It was already dark but not terribly late.

The blonde moved her head without lifting it from Therese’s chest to look at her. “You want to?”

She shrugged, her expression revealing nothing. “If you want.” When Carol narrowed her eyes, Therese blushed. “Ugh, fine, I was trying to tone down the mushiness but it’s hard when you want me to be honest,” she said, sighing deeply. “I don’t care if we go out or we stay right here – the only thing that matters to me is to be with you. The place is not important.”

“Really?” She lifted her head, placing her hands on the mattress at Therese’s sides to hold her weight to straddle her, her eyes traveling to her throat, watching her gulp. “That leaves so many open possibilities,” she said in a sultry whisper.

Therese opened and closed her mouth several times, like a fish out of water and feeling her blush become more intense when Carol lowered herself to kiss her. She thought it was ridiculous that she still blushed most of the time when something like this happened and the fact that Carol moaned against her mouth didn’t help at all. Therese’s hands held onto the blonde’s hips almost as an automatic response, pulling her towards her and it was her turn to moan when Carol’s body fitted perfectly against hers.

“I like when you blush,” she admitted in a whisper as if she had read Therese’s mind after she moved her mouth to her neck, where she was leaving kisses along all the length before biting softly her jaw to look at her. “I like even more knowing I’m the reason.”

“Carol …” She bite her lower lip, unsure of what she was going to do or say but her body seemed to be making the decision for her by unconsciously move, searching more from Carol’s until a loud and embarrassing sound coming from her stomach broke the moment, making her stiffen while her eyes widened like saucers. She could feel Carol, who had hid her face back against her neck in favor to keep kissing it, lifting her head slowly and this time another kind of blush took over her. “I- I’m sorry, god that was-”

“Sexy,” Carol interrupted her, doing everything in her power to appear serious when Therese look at her.

They blinked at each other, Therese perplexed before both of them bursted out in laughter. “I guess it’s time to eat,” she said once they calmed down a little.

Carol nodded, still smiling and she kissed her forehead before getting off of her and sat on the edge of the bed to put on her shoes. Therese waited to follow though, watching Carol and basking in how domestic and natural the moment was, not quite believing that it was actually happening. She sat up to move closer to the other woman. She was feeling a desperate need to ensure that she was actually there. That a woman like Carol could choose someone like her who didn’t have much to offer her when all the doors had been opened for her. She still needed to grasp the fact that Carol wanted to go through all those doors _with her_.

Therese placed a hand on Carol’s waist at the same time she kissed her shoulder, feeling how she rested her head against hers. “You know, you should call Abby so she can drop Rindy with us and we can have dinner together.”

After squeezing the skin under her hand softly and placing a kiss under her ear, Therese moved to the other edge of the bed without waiting for an answer. She was already with her back to Carol when she heard and feel her moving on the bed, aware of the exact moment when her eyes fell on her just as she bent down for her shoes. But she only turned to face her after putting them on and standing up, with a beaming dimpled smile.

Carol didn’t even know what she was looking for when she was able to see Therese’s face. It wasn’t like she was thinking the woman was lying just to look good in her eyes. She’d seen her with Rindy, after all; she knew that Therese actually felt a connection with her as much as her daughter had. But the fact that this time the brunette was the one looking for an encounter and the sincere expectation in those shining green eyes was making her heart melt. Therese knew that the woman she wanted to be with came with a daughter and she wanted her too. She wasn’t resigning herself to a situation that couldn’t be changed – she was actually looking forward to being a part of it.

“I will call her then.” She didn’t want to make a big deal of this but she was aware of her teary eyes and her slightly cracked voice due to the emotion.

“All right, then while you make the call, I’m going to see if I have decent food to prepare something for us or if we have to resort to takeout.” She scrunched her nose at that idea, making a smile appear on Carol’s face. She walked to her, standing on her toes so she could peck her on the lips. “See you in a bit.”

Carol watched her leave the room and it took a moment for the feeling to sink in inside her. The feeling of fulfilment and endless happiness. The feeling of belonging. She had gotten so much more than she had ever hoped for, even before Rindy’s situation happened. She was now starting a new phase of her life alongside her daughter and the love of her life. Carol chuckled softly, feeling exhilarated and this time she didn’t do anything to stop the happy tears that slipped from her eyes while she reached for her cell phone to call Abby.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, you guys. Endless of thanks for all the kudos, comments and support ─ for giving the chance to this story and reading it, making this ride even more amazing than I ever thought possible <3
> 
> Endless of thanks to Ligeria for betaing ^ヮ^

 

**_4 years later_**

Carol opened and closed the door of the master bedroom, trying to not make any noise even when the purpose of stepping into the room was to wake the person who was currently spread out face down over her side of the bed with only a sheet covering her from the waist down. As she moved to the bed, she smiled, so full of herself at knowing she was the reason why Therese was still in bed despite being the day it was. She licked her lips when images of the previous night began to pile in her head.

Sitting on the edge of Therese’s side, she tried to look at her face to determine if she was still sleeping but her hair was getting in the way so she opted to caress her naked back, starting from the lower part with her fingertips, smiling when she felt the woman lying down  react ever so slightly to the caress. Her fingers had reached the middle when Carol placed her arms next to Therese’s sides to be able to lean over to replace her fingers with her lips.

“I know you are awake, sleepyhead,” she whispered, caressing the soft skin with the tip of her nose while she talked. She smiled when Therese giggled, going back to her task of kissing her way up the enticing body, this time not even stopping when the young woman spun around to remain face up.

“What gave me away?” She tangled her fingers in Carol’s hair, closing her eyes for a moment when she felt a hand caressing her ribs.

“Darling, after all this time together it’s fair to say that I’m an expert when it comes to you.” She lifted her head to smile cockily at her. “Especially at the way your body reacts to me, wouldn't you agree?”

Therese pouted with feigned annoyance. “You are so proud of yourself after last night, aren’t you?”

“Can you blame me?!” She laughed, a low, throaty chuckle and then she went back to peppering soft kisses on the woman’s torso, stopping when she reached the middle of her chest, lifting her head again to be able to see what she wanted to see.

Therese smiled lovingly, never getting tired of watching Carol admiring the tattoo at heart height as much as the blonde didn’t get tired of looking at it, even when she had seen it countless times by now. The brunette still remembered the first time had Carol laid her eyes on it, looking at it almost horrified, but at the same time, her eyes making clear that she was overwhelmed in a good way since her eyes were shining with emotion. Therese hadn’t told her about her plans, though in her defense it had been a spur of the moment decision.

Abby had being the one to put the idea in her mind a couple of years ago when she, along with Carol, Genevieve and Therese, had gone out on one of their customary double dates, complaining that it wasn’t normal that after all this time she still was _disgustingly in love_  with her best friend. Therese found it quite ironic that she was the one complaining about it when she was in a similar position with Genevieve, with whom she had a longer relationship ─ during the first time the four had met, the revelation that they started to see each other a year after Carol had entered the hospital was mentioned ─ but the brunette decided not to point it out. Abby then had completed her comment by saying the last thing missing was a tattoo showing her endless love for the blonde.

Therese had never been a tattoo person. It was something irrelevant to her but after that conversation, the ‘what ifs’ started to appear in her head until she was thinking about what would be plausible to put on her skin forever. She made up her mind quicker than she thought she would but it had barely been a year ago when she’d decided to do it. She ended up with an infinity sign with a watercolor style butterfly on its side in front of the right loop. Creating the curve of the left one there were the initials of the people she loved more than anything, separated by black dots.

Carol didn’t stand a chance the moment she fully admired the tattoo. Her fingers reached to touch it without actually doing so since the skin was still unhealed. They moved, following the outline of the image, close enough so Therese could feel a featherlight touch from time to time. The first time Carol had finally had the chance to touch it, she had spent several minutes tracing it with her fingertips, reverently kissing where the initials were, just like she was doing right now, actions that had become a habit almost every time she saw the tattoo.

Therese waited until Carol moved away from it to resume their conversation, moving her head to the side to allow her to bury her face against her neck, sighing softly when she felt lips on her skin while she wrapped her arms around Carol’s shoulders. “I’m sore and you are laughing at my misery.”

“My poor angel,” she said mockingly, lifting her head after nibbling her neck softly. “But it’s all your fault. It’s good our walls are soundproof because,” her voice became sultry, “who was the one who wanted that? Who was the one who,” she touched her cheek with her nose, caressing her way to her ear to whisper, “begged me to touch her in a way that on the next day, everytime she moved she would be able to remember what we did last night?” Therese whimpered, her body arching against Carol’s. “Who was it, darling?”

“Me,” she whispered in a moan. “It was all me. God, Carol…” She dug her nails into her shoulders when the other woman slid her hand over her body, making her shiver with pleasure, caressing the outside of her breast, moving inwards at a very annoyingly slow pace at the same time she lowered her face back to her neck, snarling at the feeling of Carol’s clothes instead of her skin.

“You can’t be late today, you know?” she said in a singsong tone, without stopping her devoted attention.

“I’m sure my boss won’t complain.” Therese laughed breathlessly when Carol lowered her hand to squeeze her hip hard, knowing the skin there was really sensitive. “Think about the roleplay, my love.” It was her turn to whisper in a sultry tone and she beamed with pleasure when she saw Carol’s eyes darkening.

In a swift move, Carol had her lips against Therese’s, making the brunette moan satisfactorily at the hungry and demanding way she was being kissed. It would never be old when Carol lost control because of her. Even her caresses had become desperate and uncoordinated but they were managing to make Therese react in the same way, who was now pulling Carol’s blouse up, trying to get rid of it, not being able to think that it was faster trying with the buttons. They broke the kiss in order to throw off the garment over Carol’s head somewhere to the floor and they were shortening the distance to kiss again when they heard a loud piercing sound.

Both women turned their head towards the direction where they knew the sound was coming, as if they could see through the wall and they smiled at each other, sighing resignedly. “I’ll go and you start to get ready, all right?” Carol kissed her lips, this time in a loving and gentle way. She then stood up to retrieve her blouse.

Therese propped up on her arms, admiring Carol putting her clothes back on, although she softly whined once she was covered, provoking a laugh from the woman who turned to look at her while she fastened the buttons, her pupils dilating at the sight of the topless woman waiting in the bed. She closed her eyes, breathing deeply to keep her composure. However when Carol opened her eyes, she couldn’t hide her desire completely but raised an eyebrow to not dwell on the situation that couldn’t keep going, as if she was waiting for something, making Therese remember that she hadn’t answered her question.

“I will, I promise … it’s not like we can continue where we left off now.” She rolled her eyes but she was smiling. After Carol left the room, Therese laid back down in the bed, looking at the ceiling with a goofy smile, still not believing her sheer luck.

 

* * *

 

Carol’s smile was so bright the moment she walked through the door, her eyes dropping to the one-year old baby waiting for her, calmly standing in his crib, holding steadily thanks to the bars. When he saw her, he bent his legs over and over again rapturously, starting to babble excitedly. “Hello, my handsome boy.” She leaned over to pick him up and he hugged her neck immediately.

“Mama, mama!” He smiled at her goofily, bouncing in her arms.

Closing her eyes, she sniffed his baby scent before turning her head to kiss his temple, making her way to the changing table. He stilled when she lay him down, already used to his routine. Carol smiled, feeling blessed to have such wonderful children, taking off his onesie to change his diaper. Once she finished the task, instead of dressing him with clean clothes, she bent down to blow raspberries on his stomach, laughing when she heard his happy laugh.

When she was lifting herself up, he caught the chain hanging from her neck, trying to yanking it towards him until Carol curled her index finger around it so he wasn’t able to do it but she didn’t attempt to make him release it. He made a whining sound and pouted but it didn’t last long after he realized there was something else in his hands. “Your mom gave me this when I proposed to her,” she said, taking the object that was hanging from the chain.

It was Therese’s ring, the one Carol always swirled during her time in the hospital when she was feeling apprehensive and they happened to be together. After Carol’s proposal and Therese’s fervent yeses in-between kisses, the brunette rambled excitedly that Carol needed to have an engagement ring too but since that would have to wait at least until the next day, she had taken off her ring to place it on Carol’s ring finger of her left hand. Because the world couldn’t spend one more second without knowing that she was now officially taken.

The blonde had fixed her gaze on Therese’s face during the exchange, watching how the green eyes filled with tears while she slid the ring on her finger, understanding very well the sentiment. When the day came, Carol had not wanted to take it off once Therese bought her engagement ring. She wanted to keep both but her now fiancée wasn’t willing to accept it, claiming that the ring was too plain; Carol had argued back that nothing coming from her could ever be plain for her. But then Therese had came with the great idea of hanging it on a chain for her to wear. It had become her lucky charm ever since.

“And when we decided on your name, she had yours and your sister's names engraved on it,” she whispered emotionally, dropping the ring to look at her son who was looking at her with his big green eyes enraptured,  thanks to the sound of her voice.

It had taken them longer than they would have liked to decide their son’s name. Therese was already showing and was getting slightly angsty because how it was even possible that they didn’t have a single idea for it. The fact that they knew it was going to be a boy hadn’t really helped them at all. It was after a particularly stressful situation in the Center when they finally made up their mind – though after what happened it had been so easy to decide. After what _he_ had done for Therese, for _them_ ; because when Carol found out about what occurred, she knew nothing would be enough to show how incredibly grateful she was for what he had done.

“One day you are going to deal with the fact that we are going to tell you the story of why we decided to name you Michael.” She picked him up and he rested his head on her chest, sighing contentedly. “But for now, you only have to deal with the fact that I’m going to take advantage of the fact that your mom is about to take a shower so you get clean and fresh, what do you think?” He pulled back to smile at her, showing his teeth and she kissed his forehead before walking around the room to take all the necessary things.

 

* * *

 

Therese was sitting in front of the vanity table, looking at herself in the mirror. She was now wearing a robe but it was semi-open at the chest to be able to touch her skin, her hand moving slowly, caressing with adoration the small letters that were there. Every time she was feeling fidgety, she reached out to touch it, even over her clothes when she was with other people, in what seemed like a scratching motion to others. It had become her unconscious gesture to calm herself down when she couldn’t physically be with them. 

> **CB • MB • RB**

The three people who meant everything to her, for whom she would do absolutely anything.

Carol made very clear that she and Rindy were going to take Therese’s last name after getting married. Therese hadn't even thought about bringing it up although the idea had been there. Therese was also willing to take Carol’s maiden name, especially after she officially changed Rindy’s last name once the girl didn’t want anything to do with Harge after finding out the truth. But the blonde was very determined to take Therese’s last name and since she had already discussed this with Rindy, who was pretty much on board, it became a _fact_.

There had been no complaint on her part. She still had a strong reaction every time someone referred to their family as ‘The Belivets’ or every time her wife introduced herself as ‘Carol Belivet’ or whenever she saw a paper from her daughter's school and she read ‘Rindy Belivet’ in the name box. Therese smiled, remembering Carol’s awestruck expression when – before they could have the whole conversation about the last name – she said that she wanted to make Rindy officially her daughter by adopting her. The brunette didn’t want the little girl, at some point, to think that she was only becoming her daughter because Carol and her were going to get married. No, Therese never wanted Rindy to doubt the importance she had in her life.

It shouldn’t have come as a surprise really – Carol had been present the day Rindy called Therese ‘Mom’ for the very first time, after all. The young woman had gaped like an idiot for a long time, earning a worried glance from Rindy and a curious one from Carol when she didn’t answer right away. The blonde then laughed softly, calming her daughter by saying that she had broken Therese but in a meaningful and special way. That was enough to bring her out of her shock, hurrying to wrap her arms around the girl, kissing her forehead while she whispered she loved her.

Carol then clarified that she wasn’t surprised because they had been acting as a family all along but it was impossible not to feel overjoyed at the new pictured outcome. Both of them were getting the family they had always wanted. And if Therese was honest with herself, there were selfish reasons in her choice too, shyly admitting to Carol that it was also a way to scream to the world how proud she was of her family, a way to show off that they were choosing her as much as she was choosing them. She had felt painfully self-conscious during the brief silence before Carol kissed her in a way that made clear how much she agreed with the sentiment.

A lot of paperwork was involved but they would go through it all again without thinking twice because the final result had been so worth it. Abby was the one who took care of everything, bringing them the papers that had to be signed when necessary without needing to go to the court unless there wasn’t any other option. It had been a little over two years ago when their friend threw a dinner for the now legal family the day everything came to an end – The Belivets became official.

She came back from her thoughts when she heard Carol talking with their son through the baby monitor. She was even able to hear Rindy doing who knows what on the first floor. Therese smiled fondly. Even after all this time she wasn’t used to this, living such happiness. If she hadn't been experiencing it, it would have seemed unbelievable. She didn’t _want_  to get used to it though, because she didn’t want to ever take them for granted.

Hearing the door opening pulled her out of her self-absorption, watching Carol and Michael through the mirror. She admired the image for a moment before standing up, walking in their direction. The baby turned his head when he heard the noise and the moment he saw Therese, he squealed with delight and stretched one arm to her but without attempting to free his hold from Carol’s blouse, as if he was calling for her. Therese stepped closer so he could clench his fist around her robe, staying close to both women.

“I’m going to be an abusive wife and ask you to bathe him. I know you have to get ready but I thought-” It wasn’t usual for Carol to ramble, and it was adorable to Therese.

“It’s fine, I have enough time, there’s no problem,” she cut her off with a smile, kissing Michael lingeringly on the top of his head until she sighed. “I’m nervous,” she admitted, lowering her head.

“I know you are, angel.” She lifted Therese’s head by holding her by her chin with her free hand. “But you have no reason for it, you have been working in that hospital for 5 years, everyone knows you, everyone _adores_  you. The board was thrilled when we talked about this because they knew, even back then, that you are competent for this.” Michael picked that moment to babble, as if he was agreeing to his mother’s words. “The only difference is that now you are officially a doctor.”

“Technically, I know you are right but it feels different for some reason.” She bit her lip, feeling unsure of herself.

“Because it _is_  different, darling, but you _are_  fitting for this. You don’t need to be someone you are not to fill the role, who you are is more than enough.” She knew she was kvelling but she had every right to do it.

Therese’s eyebrows furrowed with emotion and she placed her hands behind Carol’s head to softly pulled her down, kissing her lips with incredibly tenderness, first the upper and then the lower. Closing her eyes, she rested her forehead against her wife's. “Thank you,” she whispered wholeheartedly before joining their lips one more time, feeling Carol’s other arm wrapping around her waist but without pulling her towards her to not disturb the baby.

“There’s nothing to thank me for,” she assured once they broke the kiss with a soft smile. “Now go. You and our son better take a shower while I go to check that our daughter haven’t set the house on fire yet.” She moved closer to Therese to prompt Michael to release her by his own, which he did.

The young woman snorted, amused while she settled the baby in her arms. "Is she making breakfast?"

“Yes, she practically threw me out of the kitchen when she went down.” She rolled her eyes but there was a tender smile in her lips. “At least it’s breakfast, I don’t think we could deal with another situation like the other time,” she grimaced.

“Come on, it wasn’t that bad.” She lowered her gaze to Michael, who was kneading the soft fabric of her robe.

“You spent the whole weekend hugging the toilet.” Therese lifted her head, opening her mouth, ready to argue. “Not even during your pregnancy did you get that sick, darling,” she smirked.

“Well, if I have to go through all that again so our daughter can make her dream come true and be the greatest chef, I’ll do it.” She nodded to give more certainty to her words.

Carol’s amused smile was replaced by one full of love, softening her features. “I know you will, Therese.”

Rindy was barely 8 years old when she developed a huge interest in gastronomy. At first, they thought it was only a game because what kid doesn’t like to play with food? But when she started to engage with them when they were cooking (mostly with Carol since Therese only cooked in her free time), they realized it went beyond that and they didn’t hesitate to encourage her. Besides, the young woman also knew it had been a way to cope with Harge’s situation but it didn't take long to see that there was a real interest in her. It was during her first days – Carol hadn’t been home on that occasion because she had a reunion at the hospital – that Rindy ventured to mix some particular incompatible ingredients. Therese knew it wasn’t the greatest decision to make but she had been brave enough to eat it anyway.

Arriving home that day, Carol was intercepted by her daughter the moment she crossed the door, who was freaking out and pulling her by the arm with force to guide her to the bathroom on the first floor. It had been quite the image – and frankly, it took Carol everything in her power to not follow her daughter’s steps and freak out too but she didn’t wanted to worry Rindy even more – to find her wife who wasn’t even pale but actually green, sitting on the floor, using her arm that was resting on the toilet as a pillow, trembling and sweating due to the uncontrollable retching. After that day, they vowed to buy cooking books for Rindy.

Taking in Therese’s proud smile, Carol felt her heart ready to burst with love for her family as she had so many times by now. She reached for her wife’s left hand with her own, entwining their fingers and bringing it towards her lips. Her eyes never left Therese’s face, who was looking at her with now – that beaming dimpled smile that still drove her crazy, her green eyes full of love. Carol placed a kiss on her wife’s rings with devotion, smiling happily and when she was about to release her hand, Therese avoided it to repeat the gesture with her rings.

“All right, I’ll see both of you in a little while. I’m sure Rindy is ready to jump down my throat because I’m delaying her. ” She left the room smiling and amused after hearing Therese wishing her good luck.

 

* * *

 

Therese entered the kitchen with a sleepy due-to-the-warm-water Michael, watching her daughter on the stove under Carol’s watchful eye. They didn’t allow Rindy to use it unless one of them were close. She placed the baby on the portable cot after verifying there were toys to keep him entertained for a moment and got closer to them. She put her hand on Rindy’s head and pulled her back just a little bit to be able to kiss her head without interrupting what she was going, feeling Carol’s eyes on her.

“Hey ma’.” Therese couldn’t watch it but she could hear the smile on her tone.

“Hi sweetie. How it’s going?” she looked over her shoulder to see she was making an omelette and she looked at Carol, raising an eyebrow since she knew she didn’t like them. Her wife just shrugged but she wrinkled her nose almost imperceptibly, making Therese pursed her lips to not laugh.

“Everything’s good, but I haven’t finished because mom took forever to come down,” she tried to sound serious but she ended up chuckling, chuckle that turned into a full laugh when Carol raised her hands in mocking surrender. “Go and sit, it will be ready soon.”

Therese took Carol’s hand when she passed in front of her so both could sit on the chairs of the island countertop. “Are you really going to eat an omelette?” she whispered so Rindy didn’t hear her.

“If you ate something that wasn’t really eatable, I can eat a goddamn omelette,” she whispered back grumpily and this time Therese couldn’t help but laugh, kissing Carol’s cheek.

“We are great moms,” she looked at her wife with adoration. Carol smiled fondly before looking at their kids.

Rindy didn’t take long to bring their plates but during one of her trips, Michael saw her and he started to make exaggerated sounds to draw her attention. “Hold on, buddy, just let me finish with this.” 

“Go with him, sweetheart.” Carol was already standing when she saw Therese (who knew they were extra spoiling her that day) attempting to do it. “I can finish helping you to bring everything.”

After thanking her mother, Rindy went to pick her brother, who shrieked with excitement at being in her sister’s arms. “Hello, buddy,” she smiled brightly, looking down at him and she walked to the table to place him on his highchair that was placed right next to hers and Therese’s, already with his pap ready.

When Carol finished bringing the necessary, she sat back on her chair, signaling they could begin to eat but Therese was the only one who didn’t do it immediately. “You really didn’t have to do all this,” she whispered. Rindy and Carol looked at each other for a moment before keep eating as if there hadn’t been an interruption, causing Therese to frown a bit. “I mean, I appreciate it beyond words but it’s just a day like any other, all this spoiling it’s not necessary.”

“Exactly, it’s a day like any other, that’s why all this it’s nothing out of the ordinary.” Rindy snorted at her mother’s words because it was truth, distracting herself by feeding his brother while she chew on the food she had placed on her mouth. Carol placed her silverware on her plate to place her hand on Therese’s who looked at her. “We love you, we always have and we always will, we like to spoil you because it’s another way for us to show you how much we do it. It’s not something we have to do, it’s something we like to do. Just like you and Rindy do it with me or like we do with our children.”

Therese blushed slightly and Carol simply loved that that was something that hadn’t been lost on her over the years because she really adored seeing that redness appear on her face. “I know, deep down I was aware of this but I’m just terribly self-conscious today. I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay, darling, you don’t have to apologize.” She leaned forward to kiss her softly on her lips.

“Ugh, could you not? You are going to ruin my appetite.” Rindy wasn’t even looking at them, distracted by watching her brother dip his little hand inside his bowl and then take it to his mouth, sucking energetically, but she knew her mothers really well by now.

“Where did that adorable girl go who couldn’t stop asking us for another kiss during our wedding?” Carol pouted overdramatically, causing her daughter to roll her eyes and her wife laugh while she reached to clean Michael, who shrieked in complaint.

“Mom, I was eight! I didn’t have an idea of all the things a simple kiss could bring at that time.” Therese choked on her breath, feeling herself blush with embarrassment by remembering all the questions Rindy had for them after that happened and glad to have to feed her son so nobody could see her face.

Carol rested her elbow over the counter, rubbing her temple with her fingertips. “I still don’t know if I should be thankful with Abby for having that conversation with you during our honeymoon while she was supposed to take care of you, or cursing her for the rest of my life for it.”

“Well, I was going to learn about it sooner or later.” But she wrinkled her nose because the last idea a girl wanted to have in her mind was her parents having sex.

Therese looked at Carol sideways, feeling her wife’s eyes on her too and knowing they were thinking about the exact same thing and it was ridiculous that a thirty year old woman was still able to blush like she was blushing. “Anyway ...” She cleared her throat, squirming in her chair, desperate to go back to the original topic. “I just wanted to thank both of you for all of this.” It was clear that she wasn’t thanking them just for that day.

Carol smiled tenderly and brought Therese close to her to kiss her cheek lingeringly. The brunette closed her eyes, enjoying the gesture while Rindy exclaimed an enthusiastic _“you’re welcome, ma’!”_ dividing the task of feeding her brother with her mother so she was able to go to work right on time. While Michael, prompted by his sister, slammed his sippy cup on the tray of his chair with the same enthusiasm before laughing goofily, forcing his mothers to focus back on the moment so they could all finish their breakfast.

 

* * *

 

Carol and Therese were outside in the garage, with the blonde leaning against the side of Therese’s car at the driver’s door, watching with her arms crossed over her chest while the brunette put her briefcase and coat in the backseat, although in reality she was checking out her wife. Therese had already said goodbye to the kids, and Carol had sent Rindy to get ready for school, placing a sleeping Michael on the portable cot, taking the baby monitor with her when they left the house.

“You know, I can feel your eyes.” By now, half of her body was inside the car, doing who knows what. Carol was willing to bet that she was just teasing her.

“Am I supposed to pretend?” She raised an eyebrow with curiosity even when Therese wasn’t looking at her.

“Yes, especially when you want me to go to work,” she finally got out, closing the door and facing her wife.

Carol placed her hands on Therese’s hips, sliding them while she stepped closer so she was able to intertwine her fingers on her wife’s lower back. “It’s not my fault that you look so very fine.” Therese was wearing a dark blue dress suit with a skirt above the knee and white shirt that fit deliciously over her curves.

She bit her lower lip, smiling in that mixed way of shyness and sensuality that only she could achieve, before hiding her face at the crook of Carol’s neck. “I want to stay with you guys,” she whined in a childish tone.

“Look at me in the eyes and tell me you aren’t excited because of this and you can stay with us.” She closed her eyes, sighing happily and enjoying the way Therese got closer to her, as if she was cold and was seeking warmth.

Therese looked at Carol in a challenging way but then she sighed, defeated. “Of course I am, but I would choose all of you over work at anytime.”

“I know you would, angel,” she said as she kissed Therese’s nose. “But you don’t have to, you can have everything, and we are going to be right here waiting for you when you are done with work.” She really didn’t want to, but Carol dropped her arms against Therese’s side, purposefully caressing one last time, because she knew how they could get.

And not because she was the owner – she still hate that word, although after getting a bachelor’s degree she felt as if she deserved it beyond that by just giving money. She could now knowingly participate in an average term when it came to reach decisions about the hospital and she didn’t have to be around so frequently which gave her the chance to spend more of her time with her kids. Carol was also natural in knowing how to improve without eccentricities and her time as patient gave a perspective that nobody else could have; that, mixed with Therese’s medical knowledge … well, it was enough to say that the good team they made went beyond their private life – and Therese the Chief Physician would mean they would be doing whatever they want just because they couldn’t be apart from each other for even a few hours.

Therese pouted but then smiled at Carol’s words because knowing her family would be waiting for her was the best of going to work. It was like having a thrilling sensation all day. “I’ll see you later then.”

Carol cupped Therese’s cheek with one hand, caressing it with her thumb. Her eyes glassy with happy tears that she managed to not spill. “I’m so damn proud of you and I’ll be forever thankful that you chose me to take this journey with you.”

“Oh Carol.” She threw her arms around her neck so they ended up hugging again, with their foreheads against the other. “I’ll forever choose you, every day for the rest of my life.”

Both of them sniffed at the same time, causing a soft laugh. Carol nuzzled Therese’s nose with hers tenderly before pecking her on the lips. “I’m serious, you have to go because in the next three minutes I’m going to be the one not letting you.”

Therese giggled, delighted because there was nothing better than knowing that your wife shared the same feeling as you of wanting her and loving her even more than during their first days together. “I’m going, I’m going.” She was reaching to open the car door but Carol got ahead, still making her blush with her chivalrousness because she was the perfect woman.

After Therese got in the car and Carol closed the door for her, the young woman lower the window so Carol could lean down, resting her crossed arms on the door. “Time to go and help people, _Doctor_ Belivet,” she whispered the last part in a sultry voice, knowing the reaction it had in her wife and when Therese turned to look at her, most likely to scold her for teasing her, Carol captured her mouth with hers, this time in a sensual and slow kiss that made them feel a wave of arousal flooding through every part of their bodies.

When Carol pulled back, Therese moved forward, trying to follow her but the seat belt stopped her, making her sigh resignedly. She nodded to Carol as a goodbye, who was smiling amused although it was easy to see in her the longing they were both feeling. She took off after telling her wife that she would see her soon, who replied by wishing her a good day before sending a kiss on her way. Therese watched in the rear-view mirror after advancing a few meters, smiling fondly when she was still able to see Carol, knowing she wouldn’t get in the house until she could no longer see her.

For so many years Therese thought that becoming a doctor would be the most important thing for her, her biggest goal and it had been, until she laid her eyes on Carol. It had taken her awhile to admit it back then but since that very moment, her ideals changed. Today, in the eyes of many she was fulfilling her ‘biggest’ dream – starting her life as a doctor – but those people didn’t have a clue that such dream was now her family, a dream that has been fulfilled during the last four years. And Therese couldn’t wait for the next ones to come, because she would never get enough of them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, I've a surprise for you (?) This is not the last of ‘Trust Me’ you will see. I'm not going to write a sequel per se, but there are a few things that happened during those 4 years that I want to write about. Though they won't be my highest priority, more like a hobby since I've other stories I'm focusing on :)
> 
> And Dreamer_7: Yes! ^ヮ^


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